Water441

I've had a lot of Day 1s and breaks from binge drinking but I am actually taking steps to help me make it further and hopefully to real recovery. Heading to Smart Recovery meeting tomorrow, reading a lot about sobriety, journaling (ha which id never thought I'd do), and posting here.

Second day of withdrawal. It's the physical symptoms and the extreme anxiety of withdrawal that really have me taking this more seriously.
Night sweats, insomnia, hallucination when I do finally sleep, no appetite, throwing up bile, gagging constantly, and let's just say I'm peeing diarrea. Coming off of a 10 day binge. My mind is only quiet now after 2 days and one night of obstaining. The anxiety very nearly made me have suicidal ideations but I knew that would pass. Live very close to a psychiatric hospital and was prepared to go if the ideation got real. Thank god it passed.
Haven't slept much but that was a good thing because it meant I was awake to carry out a lot of catching up on work.

That gave me incredible peace of mind. I got a lot of work tasks completed and scheduled some work meetings for tomorrow.
I love my job and I've been majorly letting things slide in terms of my performance.

i keep thinking about all the stuff I was at this year socially that I wasn't present for.
I missed out on being 33. What a waste. But not 34. I'm so happy and productive when I'm in control of my body and mind.

Cancelling our anniversary trip to an all inclusive (a very very nice one) and rebooking for an a la carte hotel. Funny that that's a decision I had to make but didn't want to but if we went to the All inclusive I'd relapse and binge the entire time and hardly experience it (and probably pass out in the sun and up my chances of skin cancer...again.

Nervous about work. My boss knows something is up because of all my "sick days" - well at least I wasn't showing up plaster. When I binge I binge hard. As soon as I wake up Id start again. Good to have broken the cycle through two awful days of withdrawal.

I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown yesterday and that scared some sense into me.
Anyway - that's it for now. Oh and it'll be so nice to remember how to spell common words again. And actually be able to remember why your friends are texting "can't wait to see you Friday" and know what they're talking about.

Water441

Treated myself to an hour of TV I'll actually remember. Appetite coming back so made my SO dinner (which I could still do quite well while inebriated) but made him quite surprised when I actually ate some of it.

And catching up on all the social media and emails I didn't look at. Funny how my interest in my iPhone disappears when I'm bingeging. It is cracked though. That's a product of this last binge.

Will be nice to sort through all the laundry I own which I drunkenly washed last week and actually locate some of my normal attire. While bingeging obviously couldn't locate anything so just pulled on random clothing and obsessively put on deodorant, drank water, brushed my teeth, and held a coffee cup (with actual coffee) everywhere I went to try to "disguise" that I was drunk.

mecanix

Welcome to SR water ,

day two is a great , keep on

m

Cow

Ha ha! Sorry, but I can no even tells you how many hundred of time I watch TV show and go, OMG, I think I already watch this?

Listen, I was gonna get sober at 34 (and 33, and 30 and 35 and 40), but it not happening until I 50. Take it serious, my friend. Super serious. Does whatever you need to do. And plus also, you not want to black out new series of X-Files!

Water441

That was the show I watched! The first x-files!

MC23

I'm in the same boat. Day 1. Just came off a heavy binge weekend. The cops were called on me. I needed a wake up call and I got it. I haven't been able to eat or complete any household activities today and now i am trying to sleep but I think it's hopeless. I'll be lying here awake all night until I have to go to work

I relate to everything you wrote - thank you

Penelopepitstop

Sweats, bile, laundry, sick days, tv..,
I COULD relate to it all. How good do i feel to have reached day 6? You will be there before you know it.
Have a great day.

Mags1

Hi water. The good thing about stoping is you don't have to be drunk anymore, hungover, regrets, embarrassed and the list goes on. There is life after booze!

Cow

Is no end to wake up calls MC. I got ton of wake up calls: cops, cops, cops, arrest, jail, legal crap, almost die, seizure disorder, get fired, resistant treatment intestinal infection ...I could go on.

I total know bereft feeling of lay there all night with you sickness. Minute seem like hours. Is untenable. But maybe you can lay there and get determine that you not gonna spend next 20 year going through so much more hell, like me. Good luck to you, brother.

Soberwolf

Welcome Water

Water441

Last night I couldn't get to bed until 4:30am. Had very weird kind of body hallucinations like I was levitating. Also so many random twitches. The shaking and sweating have stopped.

Just washed my hair (imagine) and will have time to blow dry before work. Very much dreading work due to belief I've been figured out during last 10 day binge (my worst and longest ever). Did spend 15 hours (sober) working yesterday catching up. Fingers crossed I haven't messed up my career. Though I do find so strength knowing that if I make this recovery my priority no matter what happens I will have another job that I can devote myself to more respectfully. I often think part of my alcoholism was born out of this false sense of confidence because I've never had to apply myself very hard to still do quite well, in school and at work. It'll be a great feeling if at the end of this year I know I deserve to feel accomplished at work.

Thanks for the support as I enter day 2.

Water441

Work is going well so far. Happy to be back in office and productive.

Hoping normal sleep resumes soon. Hands still shaky when I lift my coffee or try to write something down. My poor body. What have I done to it.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope the support here can help you get sober for good.

Water441

Interesting that I find the idea of drinking totally revolting right now. Worried about PAWS and relapse.

Headaches. Difficulty with numbers and short term memory still present.

Findingtheway

Congratulations on Day 1. And well reading through your post brought back EVERYTHING from my last binge/drink (Which is just a little over a year ago now).

Bang on with everything from my past...The waking up and going RIGHT back to drinking...Oh and by the way GOOD idea to not proceed with the all inclusive resort...I made that mistake 3 years ago, and well drank the ENTIRE trip away. (Even though i SWORE i wouldn't....)

Focus on the day in front of you for now...Do whatever you need to do to not drink just for TODAY.

Have you considered going to an AA meeting? There's ALOT of support and guidance there. Might help?

Good luck to you. And remember just don't drink TODAY.

P.S. I'm 34 years old as well! You are NOT ALONE!

thomas11

Hi Water, what you wrote about in your OP is exactly when I started scouring the internet for help and found this site. The only difference is that I think my binge was 20-28 days. Glad to hear you are back at work and being productive, I think that helps psychologically a lot. Wish you the very best.

Water441

Thank you! Yes - going to a Smart Recovery meeting tonight. I don't think AA is for me though I know it has been amazing for many.

Water441

Omg. I thought I was going to die from the withdrawal symptoms (both physical and mental) after 10 days. I feel for you after 28. Good that you found a way out

Sean30

Glad your doing better mate, I can relate to those brutal withdrawals..

Hevyn

Very glad to have you with us, Water. I'm happy you're on your way to freedom.