Venting (my story)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 30
Venting (my story)
I have just come off a 3-day bender which resulted in me getting extremely intoxicated every day and treating everyone around me like.
actually forgot I was ever a member of this site. I joined 3 years ago in a half-assed attempt to quit drinking. Now I'm back. I'm going to share my embarrassing story because I have to write it down and get it off my chest. I hope none of this post offends people. I need to be blunt about a lot of this.
My partner and I were on a train with a bunch of friends. I'd spent the whole day getting drunk at an event. I fell on my face and was questioned about my intoxicated state by the authorities. On the way home In my drunken stupor I sporadically decided to get off at an unplanned stop and my partner did not come with me. Because of this I then went home and began to drink even more excessively, while berating him via text. I eventually completely lost control of my emotions and cut myself on the wrist with a large kitchen knife (this is not a unique thing for me to do and I have struggled with self harm since age 13 - I'm now 26).
My partner was at a loss of what to do so he called the police. I freaked out about that. I was worried my employer would be told. My drinking is very secret and if my boss found out is likely be fired instantly.
Embarrassingly, I believe I tried to coerce one of the officers with offers of oral sex if he kept it a secret. That was unsuccessful!!. Somehow I managed to convince them both that I would be alright so they eventually left. Frankly, I can't believe I didn't get arrested. I behaved appallingly. I went on about how rich I was and that I couldn't really respect a lowly paid police officer. I have extreme delusions of grandeur when I drink heavily. This is probably because my self esteem in reality is low. I drink because I feel sexier, cooler, funnier. Without drinking, I'm not sure I actually like myself.
Once the cops left I spent the rest of that night drinking. Somehow I must've calmed down and fallen asleep. I then began to drink straight vodka as soon as I awoke the next morning. My partner, who has forgiven me for this incident, did not know. I drank it in secret while he slept. Then he went out and I drank more.
I have not lost the plot again since the event with the police but I regardless continued to drink despite this terrible development in my life.
I really wanted to get this off my chest. I've spent all day feeling sorry for myself, crying, and wishing I could drink to stop my horrible withdrawal. so thanks everyone who bothered to read this. I have gained so much strength from reading the stories of others. It's time for this to stop or I'm going to die. No more drinking. Ever. All the best to everyone else struggling with addiction.
actually forgot I was ever a member of this site. I joined 3 years ago in a half-assed attempt to quit drinking. Now I'm back. I'm going to share my embarrassing story because I have to write it down and get it off my chest. I hope none of this post offends people. I need to be blunt about a lot of this.
My partner and I were on a train with a bunch of friends. I'd spent the whole day getting drunk at an event. I fell on my face and was questioned about my intoxicated state by the authorities. On the way home In my drunken stupor I sporadically decided to get off at an unplanned stop and my partner did not come with me. Because of this I then went home and began to drink even more excessively, while berating him via text. I eventually completely lost control of my emotions and cut myself on the wrist with a large kitchen knife (this is not a unique thing for me to do and I have struggled with self harm since age 13 - I'm now 26).
My partner was at a loss of what to do so he called the police. I freaked out about that. I was worried my employer would be told. My drinking is very secret and if my boss found out is likely be fired instantly.
Embarrassingly, I believe I tried to coerce one of the officers with offers of oral sex if he kept it a secret. That was unsuccessful!!. Somehow I managed to convince them both that I would be alright so they eventually left. Frankly, I can't believe I didn't get arrested. I behaved appallingly. I went on about how rich I was and that I couldn't really respect a lowly paid police officer. I have extreme delusions of grandeur when I drink heavily. This is probably because my self esteem in reality is low. I drink because I feel sexier, cooler, funnier. Without drinking, I'm not sure I actually like myself.
Once the cops left I spent the rest of that night drinking. Somehow I must've calmed down and fallen asleep. I then began to drink straight vodka as soon as I awoke the next morning. My partner, who has forgiven me for this incident, did not know. I drank it in secret while he slept. Then he went out and I drank more.
I have not lost the plot again since the event with the police but I regardless continued to drink despite this terrible development in my life.
I really wanted to get this off my chest. I've spent all day feeling sorry for myself, crying, and wishing I could drink to stop my horrible withdrawal. so thanks everyone who bothered to read this. I have gained so much strength from reading the stories of others. It's time for this to stop or I'm going to die. No more drinking. Ever. All the best to everyone else struggling with addiction.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Stay here, MC, and keep posting. You can stop. I pretty much can guarantee you will like yourself better sober than drinking...especially as time goes on. Picture the difference in trajectory between sober you and drinking you...in 6 months, in 6 years. Because one thing for sure...drinking will get worse and life will get worse along with it. Stop.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
MC, we have all done horribly embarrassing (if not mortifying) things when drunk. Try not to dwell on them and look ahead. Those first few days of detox are rough, so be kind to yourself. Try to sleep, eat healthy, drink lots of water, take a leisurely walk. Once you get the poison out of your body, it will start getting easier.
It's good that your partner is being supportive. You need the support and the accountability. What else is in your plan to get and stay sober?
I'm glad you came here and posted. Better to fess up and be embarrassed than to keep all of the shame and disgust to yourself and let it bully you to where the only solution is to keep drinking so you don't have to feel it. Day 2 will be easier - just hang in there, and post whenever you can.
It's good that your partner is being supportive. You need the support and the accountability. What else is in your plan to get and stay sober?
I'm glad you came here and posted. Better to fess up and be embarrassed than to keep all of the shame and disgust to yourself and let it bully you to where the only solution is to keep drinking so you don't have to feel it. Day 2 will be easier - just hang in there, and post whenever you can.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 204
Welcome back!
You are among friends here, almost everyone has done embarrassing things while drunk, many have had run in's with police, I know I have.
The shining light in this situation is that it never has to happen again. Onwards and upwards. Stay strong, things will get better one day at a time x
You are among friends here, almost everyone has done embarrassing things while drunk, many have had run in's with police, I know I have.
The shining light in this situation is that it never has to happen again. Onwards and upwards. Stay strong, things will get better one day at a time x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
looks like I am the male version of you MC23. I have had similar nights like that. spent many nights in the drunk tank and ER due to drinking. I usually don't remember the details which could be a good thing so don't feel so much shame. However, it wasn't until my 30's that my drinking started to have such consequences. A college kid, ya that's something a college kid might do, but not a man entering his 30's with a career.
I think you may need some support going forward. I waited too long and lost everything. Career in finance, my car, evicted from my condo, bankruptcy, DUI, fiancé etc.......
I think you may need some support going forward. I waited too long and lost everything. Career in finance, my car, evicted from my condo, bankruptcy, DUI, fiancé etc.......
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Hi MC, really glad you are here & posting. I know all too well the cycle, the shame & regret you are feeling. You are not alone in this....hold tight to your decision to give alcohol the boot....you deserve more than it has to offer!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Wastinglife 
looks like I am the male version of you MC23. I have had similar nights like that. spent many nights in the drunk tank and ER due to drinking. I usually don't remember the details which could be a good thing so don't feel so much shame. However, it wasn't until my 30's that my drinking started to have such consequences. A college kid, ya that's something a college kid might do, but not a man entering his 30's with a career. I think you may need some support going forward. I waited too long and lost everything. Career in finance, my car, evicted from my condo, bankruptcy, DUI, fiancé etc.......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 30
The withdrawal seems to be subsiding a bit but I'm worried about not being able to sleep.
A family member has reached out and asked me to visit a counsellor. I agreed to go. I have visited a counsellor in the past to discuss my drinking and some other bad experiences in my life but I did not find it helpful. I found the counsellor quite judgmental and unfriendly. I hope this time is different.
Thanks again to everyone who has read and responded. You guys are great.
A family member has reached out and asked me to visit a counsellor. I agreed to go. I have visited a counsellor in the past to discuss my drinking and some other bad experiences in my life but I did not find it helpful. I found the counsellor quite judgmental and unfriendly. I hope this time is different.
Thanks again to everyone who has read and responded. You guys are great.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Hi MC,
Sounds like a pretty rough weekend, I'm glad you are okay, came back to SR, and that you are talking through things with your partner. Like you, I have been on this site for a few years, and during those years I have several good stretches of sober time. I promised myself that 2016 would be the first of many complete sober years for me.
Just finishing up Day 24, and I have been checking in on here several times a day, and it helps. Would love to see you checking in, and updating us on how you are doing.
❤️Delilah
Sounds like a pretty rough weekend, I'm glad you are okay, came back to SR, and that you are talking through things with your partner. Like you, I have been on this site for a few years, and during those years I have several good stretches of sober time. I promised myself that 2016 would be the first of many complete sober years for me.
Just finishing up Day 24, and I have been checking in on here several times a day, and it helps. Would love to see you checking in, and updating us on how you are doing.
❤️Delilah
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome bk MC23 have you got a plan to stick to I want you to know you can always reach out first before drinking for that all important 2nd opinion in choosing to not drink
This is your life & I can help wish etc but it comes down on what action will you take to make the change to a sober happy life
This is your life & I can help wish etc but it comes down on what action will you take to make the change to a sober happy life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 30
Morning of day 2 and I'm up from the most restless sleep. I don't want to face the world today. I've forced down some cereal (it was awful). I still have minor shakes and sweating. I'm going to go for a short jog to start the morning in hopes I will "sweat it out" and appear unaffected to my employers.
I can't wait to be rid of this disgusting alcohol out of my system. Thank you again to everyone who has left a message here. It's a great comfort.
I can't wait to be rid of this disgusting alcohol out of my system. Thank you again to everyone who has left a message here. It's a great comfort.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Hi MC23, you are in good company here. Sometimes I think back on my atrocious behavior at times while I was drunk, and I cringe. It almost seems like an alien had overtaken me sometimes, as I cannot fathom behaving that way now. Fortunately, the longer I am sober, the farther removed I am from "that person". We are all on this forum for same reason, to no longer be controlled or influenced by alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 30
Day 2 went okay. Things improved over the course of the day.
I went for a run before starting work which snapped me out of it a bit. Met my partner and bought him Mexican at lunch time. I confessed about several lies i told over the weekend. Including the one about me not getting up and drinking first thing in the morning on the last binge day (he believed I got started in the late afternoon which was a boldfaced lie). I promised this weekend would be the last time this ever happened. It made me feel better. Perhaps I should fess up about a few other lies I've told over the years.
I went to the supermarket after a long and stressful day at work. and avoided buying alcohol even though I would normally purchase cider to drink in the car on the way home and potentially a bottle of wine for later. Small victory! And still a long way to go...
I went for a run before starting work which snapped me out of it a bit. Met my partner and bought him Mexican at lunch time. I confessed about several lies i told over the weekend. Including the one about me not getting up and drinking first thing in the morning on the last binge day (he believed I got started in the late afternoon which was a boldfaced lie). I promised this weekend would be the last time this ever happened. It made me feel better. Perhaps I should fess up about a few other lies I've told over the years.
I went to the supermarket after a long and stressful day at work. and avoided buying alcohol even though I would normally purchase cider to drink in the car on the way home and potentially a bottle of wine for later. Small victory! And still a long way to go...
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