Insecurity
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 25
Insecurity
Hello! So I have joined AA and have started my steps - I have 31 days sober today. 
One thing I have noticed is I am not numb to the world anymore and I actually have to face all of my feelings. I've been going to some sober parties and events recently, and I have always known that I am very insecure, but I've always had alcohol to hide that and make me "confident" for the night. Now, I am so anxious about everything about myself - my appearance, my shyness. I can be so withdrawn: arms crossed, very quiet. Yesterday, I went to a party and all I could think of was that I wish I had a drink because I just felt like such a weirdo. I felt like I looked ugly, I didn't know anyone there and I had a hard time making conversation. Anyone have any advice? I'm hoping this program will teach me self-love because I am sincerely lacking in that department.
One thing I have noticed is I am not numb to the world anymore and I actually have to face all of my feelings. I've been going to some sober parties and events recently, and I have always known that I am very insecure, but I've always had alcohol to hide that and make me "confident" for the night. Now, I am so anxious about everything about myself - my appearance, my shyness. I can be so withdrawn: arms crossed, very quiet. Yesterday, I went to a party and all I could think of was that I wish I had a drink because I just felt like such a weirdo. I felt like I looked ugly, I didn't know anyone there and I had a hard time making conversation. Anyone have any advice? I'm hoping this program will teach me self-love because I am sincerely lacking in that department.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
31 days sober is great!
I was lacking self-love when I stopped drinking, too. Have faith that you will begin to like and love yourself and to feel comfortable in your own skin. Be kind to yourself and be proud of how far you've come.
I was lacking self-love when I stopped drinking, too. Have faith that you will begin to like and love yourself and to feel comfortable in your own skin. Be kind to yourself and be proud of how far you've come.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
All of our emotions can be raw in early sobriety. We feel them more acutely than ever because we don't have alcohol to numb them away anymore. The more sober days you get under your belt, the better you will feel emotionally. I find that being sober is building my confidence rather than diminishing it. I guess I'm the opposite of you, in that I am an extrovert by nature but when I'm drinking, I isolate and don't want to be around people. It took awhile for me to get that part of me back, and it might be the same for you too.
The more confident you become in your sobriety, many of these feelings should dissipate. If it is continues to be hard for you even a few months from now, would you consider counseling? I found that to be very helpful as well.
Congrats on your 31 days! That alone should give you a big boost!
The more confident you become in your sobriety, many of these feelings should dissipate. If it is continues to be hard for you even a few months from now, would you consider counseling? I found that to be very helpful as well.
Congrats on your 31 days! That alone should give you a big boost!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Hi Superstar. I'm glad you wanted to talk about your concerns.
I was like that too - very insecure & self-conscious. I thought drinking was helping me, but it really held me back & kept me from maturing normally. As an older woman, I had to learn to face things without my 'buffer'. After a while I began to enjoy being clear headed and not foggy. I grew some self confidence and learned to deal with things head on. Life isn't as scary as I once thought. At the end of my drinking career I was actually weakened by it, and less able to cope. It feels wonderful to be free of it. You will get there. Glad you are here.
I'm glad you wanted to talk about your concerns. I was like that too - very insecure & self-conscious. I thought drinking was helping me, but it really held me back & kept me from maturing normally. As an older woman, I had to learn to face things without my 'buffer'. After a while I began to enjoy being clear headed and not foggy. I grew some self confidence and learned to deal with things head on. Life isn't as scary as I once thought. At the end of my drinking career I was actually weakened by it, and less able to cope. It feels wonderful to be free of it. You will get there. Glad you are here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Hi superstar
for me each new situation I hjandled sober hjelped me grow and everytime I grew I gained a little more confidence in myself ands lost a little nmore self hatred.
It's harder to hate yourself when you're doing good things
Give it time tho - I had 40 years of self hatred and negative self talk to work through
I'm glad you've joined us.
D
for me each new situation I hjandled sober hjelped me grow and everytime I grew I gained a little more confidence in myself ands lost a little nmore self hatred.
It's harder to hate yourself when you're doing good things
Give it time tho - I had 40 years of self hatred and negative self talk to work through
I'm glad you've joined us.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 151
I have the same issues, SS. For a long time I used alcohol in order to be more social, so people would like me. It worked for short periods of time, but almost always ended the same way - I would eventually upset those around me because of something stupid I did while drinking. I still struggle with social anxiety, but I am learning to cope one day at a time. "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
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