wanttobehealthy

One of the things I have enjoyed most (this probably sounds bitchy) about trying to get my head screwed on straight and recover from life with an abusive A/NPD er is how stellar my radar is for seeing what I call addict/narcissist thinking and removing myself from it...

Anyone else?

I don't know if it's a quality of addicts or whether a large proportion of the world seems to enjoy judging others while simultaneously putting themselves on a pedastal?

Either way, I feel like I've been weeding people out of my life for the last year because of my intolerance of this quality because it's just too reminiscent of xAH and his never ending haughty holier than though attitude...

I used to think it was just a quality of A's since xAH seemed to have the market cornered on the perpetual victim who is misunderstood and so much better than others yet no one is wise enough to see it, but it seems that it is more common a personality characteristic than I thought...

Ive decided that the people I most enjoy spending time with are those who admit to NOT having it all figured out, who screw up and work to make things better and who can laugh at their quirks/flaws...

That's where Im at personally these days, I will NEVER have it all figured out and I have this visceral reaction to people who act like they do... To me the more one talks about having it all sorted out, the bigger the red flag...

Just had a supremely annoying meeting with a colleague who is uber holier than though and truly insecure... thus my rant I guess...

Thanks for listening!

Anyone else find this frustration?

Liveitwell

Just yes. Everything you said.

wanttobehealthy

After my annoying meeting with my colleague I looked at my phone and saw an UBER narcissistic post from a "friend"... It was basically self serving, looking for pity and praise and I promptly had my office partner help show me how to unfollow such messages...

I don't know why it is annoying me SO much right now but my tolerance for dealing with narcissism is at an all time low...

I know Im being uber judgemental about all of this right now... So be it... I need to look at why that is I suppose huh?

Sometimes just saying it or in this case typing it lessens its impact on me so thanks as always for letting me vent!

Praying

I became the same way...practically overnight. I had a longtime friendship with a narcissistic woman (friends with the whole family), and I couldn't do it. Couldn't focus on her all the time and worry about her and let her stomp my boundaries... she's mostly out of my life now--in as much as I want.

I did the same with some lesser friends/acquaintances, and I only expend energy on people who behave in a healthy way with me.

I jokingly say to my friends sometimes--remember, I gave up toxic people when I signed divorce papers...

AND THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!

AnonWife

Im not sure if its a trait of addiction or narciasism in particular. Could also be low self asteem or who knows. But a lot of people like to gossip about others while appearing saintly, many enjoy watching a trainwreck happening to someone else and can tell you exactly what that person did wrong and what they should have done. There must be something in human nature, different sides to all of us. I know gossipers who judge others, rarely show any self awareness to their own issues, but are also kind, caring people in a different setting.
But I weed out people who become overall annoyances, or worse, unhealthy for me to be around and listen to.

Kboys

Yes! Definitely relate... especially to this^^^^

Thanks for sharing

LifeRecovery

My two cents-

I don't think it is judgmental if you decide you want something/someone out of your life. To me that is a boundary and healthy.

It is only judgmental when you notice your response and you are trying to change them to fit your perception of them.

For me my relationship with my ex was an extension of a lifelong pattern of being in relationship. I choose people who honestly could not be there for me the way I wanted.

I had to end a number of relationships when it all hit the fan. I am actually on a wave of doing it again (because I was still attached to a couple of relationships and I needed to work through the why). My attachment was I wanted them to be there for me.....and when they could not I kept "hoping" they could.

I think maybe you need to commend yourself for seeing what you see, calling a spade a spade and making changes.

Liveitwell

^ I agree-calling a thing a thing and saying, this is not ok, regardless of what you want to call it. Seems easy but takes work! I'm with ya, friend!

lizatola

When I learned what boundaries were, I learned how to cut toxic people out of my life. I think this is program in action and you are learning what is acceptable to you and what is NOT. I can relate, honestly, and I know it's hard but it 's necessary to our sanity. HUGS!