Change4life

Im not quite sure why I always come back here, but I do over and over again. I guess I find comfort here. I do not know what is going on with me lately. All I want to do is get high or drunk. something for some relief havent done any drugs in at least 10 years but I am really wanting to. I started drinking again. I am just so depressed.

MythOfSisyphus

I'm glad you keep coming back! Perhaps part of you realizes you have to get sober again?

MariahGayle

Glad you are here Change4life.....I've kept coming back here too & I think it is because I know others here understand the struggle & know exactly how I was feeling. I've been here for over 2 years now & currently have 2 months of sobriety. I know from plenty of "trials", there is just nothing to be found in the bottom of the bottle. Life is far from rosy all of the time, but far better than it was while drinking. Know you are not alone in the struggle & that you can have the life you deserve.

Change4life

All of me is thinking yea. I am getting stupid.I knew I was loosing it a few months ago. Now it has become apparent to everyone around me. I have been blacking out and it is embarrassing to not remember anything

MariahGayle

I remember feeling like that & having someone telling me that I never had to feel that way again....I found some hope in that & hope you do too. When did you last drink?

MyTime86

I was depressed as well before I quit.
I used to relieve my self from the pain depression, and it would for a moment. But it will never fix you just make things worse.
Go to a doctor and get real help. But you must leave the drugs and alcohol behind.
You won't regret it

Change4life

I am in a great relationship, I have many friends, good friends not just fly by night. Although I have those too. People really like me, but for whatever reason I dont like me. So basically no matter what people say.. It doesnt seem to matter. I just keep beating myself up. I am tired, 54 and very very tired

Change4life

last drink one hour ago MariahGayle

Dee74

Maybe its time to make a dedicated recovery plan, Change?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

can't hurt to try?

D

Change4life

I have to go. My other half will be coming home from work I havent been honest with my present feelings they dont know what I am going through I dont want them to know and have no idea what to do with this once again problem. We all have our own stress. right now the way things are i feel like I need to just br quiet and work through this myself. or come here. Once again silent suffering, And yet everyone around me thinks I have it all going on.uhh. yet I cant sleep I cant eat. WTF

Thumpalumpacus

Insanity is often defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. You konw what you need to do, and you can do it.

Develop a plan (including contingencies for emotional or social emergencies), stick to your plan on a daily basis, and make the decision you clearly know you need to make.

You will find support and caring here, trust me. We're all in the same boat, brotha. Pull up a chair and let's talk.

least

Can you see your doctor for some help for your depression?

Dee74

You said earlier 'now it has become apparent to everyone around me. ', so how much of a secret can it be?

D

Soberwolf

Backing up Least's post of speaking to a Dr

doggonecarl

Relief from what, Change?

And are you finding it? I'm going to guess no, not with drinking, and you won't with drugs either.

Relief for the addict/alcoholic usually translates as escape from something. That's not relief. Address what it is that's causing you to jump in the bottle and maybe you will find relief. And that's best done sober.

ccam1973

Like the others have said, we are glad you are back and you can't loose hope.

It might not feel like it, but you do have the power to make this happen. You absolutely can get your life back to the way you envision it should be. The first step, don't drink today.

The last couple of years I spent drinking was for an escape, to avoid what my life had become. I didn't realize it at the time, but drinking was a big part of why my life had turned upside down.

The problem is the viscous cycle will keep getting worse and worse as long as you are drinking. I couldn't see clearly nor think clearly, otherwise I would have known that every time I took a drink I was only compounding my problems.

The best decision I ever made was to take the tough road and quit drinking. It is not easy, but worth every ounce of effort you will put into it.

You deserve to be sober. Start today, we are here for you.

Change4life

I have been seeing a dr but can't get meds right yet

Change4life

I guess maybe it isn't a secret.

Delilah1

Hi Change,

Like you I have found myself coming back to SR for support, and to make positive changes. Your username alone tells me that is why you came here to begin with.

I am finishing up Day 20 without alcohol, and I plan on sticking around this time and not falling back into my habits. I would love for you to stick around with me!!

❤️Delilah

Change4life

I just have no desire to wake up anymore. For the record I'm not talking suicide by any means. I just feel like my brain is numb. Nothing excites me. I never want to do anything, I hate when I have to leave the house, I don't want to see anyone so I started drinking just to feel somewhat sociable. If I could remain. A recluse for the rest of my life I don't think I would drink. I think I have severe social anxiety. I have been seeing a dr about this, but so far the meds make me to loopy in a bad way. I was on Zoloft but the headaches were too much to bearlus it made my eyes all buggy. I couldn't get another appt till February 4th. It seems far away