Sean30

I drank this afternoon. I gave in so easy it was scary. I'm afraid this might be it for me. Got some boys around and smashing the meth. I'm in the bathroom writing this, I just want to self destruct because being an alcoholic and addict is .
I wanted to be clean. I wanted to be sober. After 39 days I just crumble so easy. **** this.

Stick with sobriety, it really is better.

I'm out, love you all

Dee74

Hey Sean, relax, breathe.

Right now you've lost the battle not the war,

Tell your AV to shut it, tell the boys to scram, and get back to where you want to be.

Reread your old posts. Self destruction is not what you want.

You have 39 days - you know how to get sober - that's part of the ourney - noew you have to work out how to stay sober.

It's not impossible man - you just gotta be determined and patient and not let the AV jerk you around like a puppet.

Seriously - if it's not your place, beat it out of there.
If it is your place tell the others to hit the road, or go to your room.

They have nothing you want man - seriously.

D

suicideseason

January just really isnt a good month, someone 2 days ago relapsed after 809 days. They came to me, drunk. Well... Goodluck, hopefully you dont go on a binge. Enjoy it, I guess. might aswell. Dont beat yourself up, Im still here for yah. Make sure you drink some water and eat something.

loulou1981

Hey sean, all is not lost, u've stumbled not fallen. Have u got the willpower to walk away from the situation ur in right now???
U know as well as i do that u have to distance urself from people that influence u using, keep posting here. We'll all help u as much as we can.x

Dee74

That's terrible advice for a recovery board ss.

doesn't sound to me like much enjoyment is happening.

D

Sean30

Thanks dee, SS and Loulou

But I might as well go all out

Down the hatchet, the feeling you can't match it

See you when this episode is over!!!!!

Sean30

Few I'm enjoying being away from my ******* head always bothering me, always taunting me. If this is the way it's going to be forever then **** it.

Life's hard enough. I tried. I really did, but can someone really escape being an addict? I'm sure you guys with time up have got something I'm lacking. I tried to support people, I tried to do the suggested things but obviously not right.

I won't post anymore undue the influence. Tho isn't the right place. Guess SR is like a home I've depended on. You people are so ******* awesome. Lol I'm still in the habit of checking SR when I'm on the wrong side

Dee74

The trouble is you have no idea right now where that particular road is going to take you.
You could end up anywhere doing anything.

It may take weeks or months - maybe even years - out of your life.

It's a ridiculous way for an adult to live their life mate - you know it as well as I do.
Its why you landed here in the first place.

If there's one thing I learned it's that you can stop - you don't need to ride the elevator down to the basement.

It's time to stop listening to the AV and ask what Sean wants.

D

Dee74

I had to change my life Sean - my old life was full of booze and drugs and the people who liked that stuff.

I had to find other ways to deal with my racing thoughs and my obsessions and my self hatred and a million other things.

It took some work sometimes, but it was so so worth it.

Mate I struggled with this for 15 years. The only difference between you and me right now is I never stopped trying....

That should be you too, Sean.

D

ubntubnt

Sean - that it your addiction talking to you.

"Now that I have started I might as well finish it....the damage is done, why not keep going"? That does not make sense and it is not rational. You addiction is killing you and it is killing you right at that moment with those thoughts.

All is certainly not lost and everything is still to gain and play for.....but you need to take that first step to stop drinking and using. Just like you did before. Just take it now and climb back on the wagon.

Recognise your AV and your addiction for what it is.....

TinkerB

Wish I had words of wisdom. If you check this just know you are loved and supported.. New day 1 tomorrow?

least

I hope you give sobriety another chance.

Mountainmanbob

If we hang out at the a barber shop,
we just may end up with a haircut.
Mountainmanbob

Sunflowerlife

Yup, life can be hard and recovery takes time and effort. But no, you are not lacking anything and yes, you can escape being an addict. I used to shoot up coke. Haven't touched it in over 7 years. Now I am 13 days sober as well. You can do anything you believe you can do. Change your mind man, it's all about choice. Choose life over your addiction.

soberclover

Sean30 this is your addiction telling you to go all out....the REAL you knows that the action of going all out is like signing your death certificate while you are still alive. The higher up you go the lower the crash will be and you already know that. STOP while you are alive.

You are reaching out to us on SR because you know you want to stop this crazy train. Why else would you be high and reaching out to people who aren't? Walk away now from the boys. The boys aren't really there for you; we are. They just want a playmate to get high with and justify their actions. I'm sure they want your money or your connections too.

It's never to late to stop....

strategery

We will all always be addicts. I don't think there is something you're lacking to get sober time. I found getting sober and then drinking again exhausting, which was a key turning point for me. This can be a key turning point for you too that you can use to reinforce your sobriety. Looking forward to seeing you on the 24 hour thread.

Fabat50

Sean. So many people here are rooting for you.

Come on, dig deep, you had 30 plus days going which is amazing. If you did it once you can do it again. And you will be even stronger next time.

Just focus on the "here and now " for the moment and get yourself into immediate damage limitation mode. Don't crumble under the doubts about "if you can do this in the future". The only moment you can be sure of is now. This minute, this second. Grab it.

YOU CAN DO IT. There are members here who have managed to pull themselves out of décades of drug and alcohol abuse and hopeless desperation. Let them help you. Lean on them. They are our guide and inspiration everyday.

SoberinSyracuse

C'mon Sean. You knew this was a long-term proposition when you started. You also knew it was likely that at some point you'd face a slip or relapse and would have to bounce back from it.

So why all the drama? You're seriously gonna quit a long-term project because it hasn't "clicked" after a mere 39 days? If you got married, would you get a divorce if you had an argument on your 39th day?

As for the feeling that "can't be matched..." Do tell us about the hangover, remorse, and disgust later. (Just sayin')

It happened. Make it a slip instead of a full relapse. Sit down with pen and paper and tighten up your plan so it doesn't happen again.

SoberinSyracuse

Yep, sounded like he was having a GREAT time there in the bathroom. (Not.)

SoberLife90

I have nothing that you don't have! I know you can do it, but your gonna need to put a stop to it today. You will need to stop hanging around with those people because they obviously aren't any good for yoir sobriety. Keep coming back here. Have you considered going to any NA meetings? You don't need to live that life anymore. We are here for ya! Hang in there.