Speedy

Well I am going at it again, this time I fell like I can put everything I have into it. But after reflecting on why I have not succeeded so many times in the past I am learning that my wife is a huge part of my relapses. She does not drink but my last sobriety was for one week and on a Saturday morning she blew up at me because of something I didn’t do and accused me of being bad to her and treating her like crap. Now the whole week I focused completely on myself and my recovery, went to several meetings and I admitted to her during the argument that there are things I could have done better for her but wasn’t able to. I am seriously thinking of asking for a divorce, it seems she is able to tear me down and make me feel like slim. I don’t know just want to be sober if that means I will be without a partner the rest of my life then I guess that’s what I have to do.

Any words of advice would help.

Sandy Marie

Hi Speedy,
Welcome to SR. The environment you're surrounded by definitely contributes to your emotional well-being. It sounds like you and your wife need to sit down and have a heart to heart. Some joint counseling maybe? Your relationship may be salvagable if you're willing to work at it. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
It's wonderful that you're able to focus on your recovery throughout all of the bad feelings. I'm sure I would have relapsed under the strain. Keep trying and don't give in.
Sandy

Speedy

Thanks for your reply, I feel the problem is I cant focus on everything at once, I need time to focus on my recovery but I dont feel she will allow me the time.

Sandy Marie

Yeah...that is too bad....for her that is. As long as you feel you're moving forward, I wouldn't let her stand in your way. Keep thinking postive and take it a day at a time. If you're not moving fast enough for her, then let her pick up the slack. She doesn't sound very understanding. Maybe she needs to go to a few meetings for spouses so that she can gain a little empathy for the situation.
When I was drinking heavily, my husband and I got into hilacious fights about it. He made me feel pretty scummy. But now that I'm staying clean, I realize he was demanding that I get cleaned up for a reason. It doesn't make the past any more pleasant, but it sure is better now. I tried tons of times like you and relapsed plenty. Luckily, I never felt what your feeling though. I know I felt everything else...but I knew my husband loved me.
Do you love and respect your wife even though you're fighting?
You know Speedy, it sounds like you're really trying. Other posters will be along shortly...with probably more experience in this area. Hang in there.
Sandy

Rowan

Hi Speedy
I'm Rowan, alcoholic, and I'm glad you're here.
In my first year of sobriety it was suggested that I not make any drastic changes
in my personal life and to stay focused on my recovery. I didn't listen and very
nearly relapsed. As it turns out, I ended up relapsing after two years. I would like to blame my circumstances (relationship ended) for my relapse, but I need to take
responsibility for it myself. I made a choice to drink, my ex didn't force me to take it.
When I stop blaming others for my behaviour, my expectations of them are not so high and I am able to focus on myself. Why don't you just keep on with your recovery, try to walk away from the fights, and in time I am sure that your wife will see the difference in you .. show her, don't tell her. You might be surprised at how you feel about her once you get some sobriety under your belt. Keep coming back, work it because you're worth it.
God Bless
Love Rowan

In memory of miracle

] Welcome ! I am sorry to hear about your relapse . I agree with what Rowan said about how she worked her recovery . In recovery we all have triggers ( people irritating us is one of mine ) I learned I had to make a plan fro when my triggers came up , things I could do instead of drinking , like calling my sponser ( I am in AA ) going for a walk , thinking the drink all the way thru eat some choclate ! Basically move a muscle change a thought , I hope this helps . I am pulling for you ! Keep the focus on yourself ..prayers ^ Trish

ted

SPEEDY PEOPLE ARE ONE OF MY TRIGGERS ALSO.
IT TAKES TIME TO HEAL FOR YOU BOTH.
I WISH YOU WELL.
THANKS TRISH,"MOVE A MUSCLE CHANGE A THOUGHT" GREAT ADVICE.
GODSPEED SPEEDY
........ted