Praying

XRA and his kids have been moved out now for almost two months. They just took the essentials for their apartment, and I've asked him to take everything else in January. At first he "was finding storage"...and said it was expensive... and maybe he can take little bits of stuff over time...

I said I wanted him to take it all at once.

He apparently lined up a storage place and is planning to move things this weekend. I have his stuff all organized and separated to make it easy for him.

Assuming he actually DOES move this weekend (I've got doubts), I'm struggling with what to do. It will likely take two days to move it all.

I'm not comfortable being gone while he and his friends empty the house. I want to be on the property.

I don't want any moments of intimate conversation, and I don't want to help him load and move it. I'd prefer to have little to no contact with him. He's been sending me loving cards each week in the mail and "wooing me" (which he's quite good at).

My kids will be in the house. His kids might be helping him move...don't know.

I'm trying to figure out what seems appropriate. I could work on painting a room so I'm busy, or have some friends come help me with a task like that...I would actually feel more comfortable with a friend in the house...

I know this is probably not worth worrying about, but I've been thinking about it a lot and thought you all might have good thoughts of what to do.

Thanks for sharing any!

findingme26

I think having a friend or two come over and help you with some sort of task, or even just hanging out together in a room he won't be moving anything from would be really helpful for your sanity. One of my good friends divorced over the summer and she asked a couple of us to just be there with her when he came. There was one incident with some raised voices and tears, but having people there to help distract her and help her process once he was actually gone was really reassuring to her.

Good luck with whatever plan you make, and I hope it goes peacefully for you!

suki44883

I agree...ask a couple of friends to come over. I think it would make things easier all around.

AnvilheadII

i like the idea of a friend or two over doing a PROJECT rather than standing there with muskets over their shoulders.......LOL

Hawkeye13

I think the painting idea is a good one, and absolutely have your friends over.

maia1234

Can you move it in the garage and then you don't have to worry about him taking anything else from the house?

Praying

Good idea...he had a whole household of stuff here. I moved everything of his to a spot in the garage and a spot in the basement--it's a lot of stuff. He shouldn't need to go near bedrooms or the main living area.

Funny...he has a piano here too...I texted tonight and asked him to give me timing of when he's getting everything including the piano. He told me to call his dad and coordinate a time for the piano movers. I can't help but cynically think...really? His parents do everything for him...why can't HE proactively coordinate that? NOT MY JOB...but it just affirmed some things for me. I'll call and get it out.

He said Saturday morning. I'm going to paint or maybe replace my staircase spindles, pending which friends can help...

Thank you all.

findingme26

Aww, but the musket idea would be FUN!

honeypig

Yikes, Praying, I'm feeling echoes of the struggle of getting my XAH out of my place too....hugs to you, been there, know how you feel.

In the end, even tho it wasn't "my responsibility", I gave up on trying to force him to get the rest of his crap out of the house and just took up my mighty wheelbarrow and moved it out to my brother's shed myself. The satisfaction of having it gone was worth the resentment of "I shouldn't have to do this", and I'm guessing this is somewhat like your Piano Situation. Sometimes there is a tradeoff, I think...

This thread runs to 3 pages, but if you have time, you might like to read it--you may see some reflections of your own current struggle as well as some great advice and support from the SR Crew: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...iar-patch.html

Praying

Thanks hp, I read the entire thread.

FM, I'm kind of liking that musket idea after all...

Kidding...

I just want to be on the other side of this so badly. If anyone remembers, this is the guy with the kids whose son Mike is great friends with my son...my son asked if Mike could come over while dad moved stuff--I told him that wasn't a good idea.

And good grief- getting info from X on his plans to get his stuff is like pulling teeth!!! Like he just doesn't want to tell me...

I'm so frustrated. He's mailing me I love you cards but refusing to communicate about real life--a theme in our relationship...a few days ago I texted him about an ER bill in my name for his kid that was HIS to pay but about to go to collections. Two days go by with no response so I called the provider and paid it, then texted him I paid it and would like reimbursement. An hour later they called me and said he had now paid so they were reimbursing me...then I walk to the mailbox to a sweet card that he had to mail "thinking of me" when he got my text two days earlier...if you're thinking of me, pay the bills and talk to me about MONEY, not sweet garbage...

Apologies for the vent. I WANT HIM ERASED FROM MY SPACE.

I have a friend who has offered to join me Saturday morning re-spindling my staircase. I do projects, especially when emotionally stressed--tore the carpet off my stairs and refinished them. They look amazing! But they need nice white spindles which will go in Saturday.

Thank you all for your perspectives. I feel myself getting anxious as the week passes. Haven't seen him in two months.

CodeJob

Take care Praying. Your project sounds like it will be a great update.

HoldOnLoosely

Good luck this weekend with your ex and your project. You have a wonderful plan in place.

Your thread made me mindful of what's to come for me. I decided on a physical separation, and my husband will most likely move out in the next month or two.

I wish you the best. You are in my thoughts.

hopeful4

I put my X's stuff in one area of the home, and had the rest of the home locked off from him. That way, he could easily come get his stuff, and I did not have to be there b/c he did not have access to the rest of the house.

I think you have a solid plan to be there, but be busy.

Hugs to you!

Praying

Thank you guys.

So I can tell I'm a bit anxious--last night I went for a run, filled all the holes in my walls to re-paint, tore out my pocket door in the bathroom, started painting a replacement door and trim to put in, and started designing and cutting wood for built-ins next to my fireplace...

This is what I do...ha! You'd think I'd have a beautiful home, but this is the 7th house I've lived in because of my XAH so the projects kept starting over. But this is MINE and I only move if I WANT to so maybe I'll get to enjoy it a while.

No shortage of half-done projects for Saturday.

This week is crawling...

findingme26

If you run out of things to do, I have a few projects on my house list! I'm not crafty or handy at all, so I am always in awe of you amazing handy people!

Bekindalways

Yeah and after Findingme come to my place. I seem to run out of steam everyday around 3pm so I could use a bit of your nervous energy.

FeelingGreat

Your whole house will look amazing once this is over......Maybe you should come over and be stressed at my place; admittedly it is a long way

Seriously I like your ability to smile about this and I'm sure it will help get you through.

Praying

Oh I'd love to help you guys in your houses! Ten years ago I strongly felt the call to do something locally that helps and teaches women how to do EVERYTHING in their homes and become handy. I still do...but I haven't been "still" long enough. Too much chaos and too many moves.

I just turned 42 and have now owned and lived in seven different houses in the last 20 years...

Lol, I like to think I'm good at home improvement, but in reality I've never seen how it holds up 5-10 years later. Maybe this will be the house that proves it.

AnvilheadII

so tomorrow is the BYOM party then?

Bring Your Own Musket

Praying

Yes, and I'm anxious about it!!!! I got up super early and have been doing tons of stuff...he supposedly arrives in 90 minutes...