AnonWife

decides to take the step and look for a therapist today. One who specializes in addiction. Scary but Im making calls and asking preliminary questions about their training, experience. Wish me luck I find one that clicks. Proud of myself for tackling this today.

LostinLove22

I got one through my abf's treatment facility. Good for you great step for yourself.

Hawkeye13

That's great progress AW--I also saw you mention on another thread you're doing
the yoga also.

Keep upping the self-care and that will give you better perspective for sure

AnonWife

Thanks.

Great news Lost.

Still havent gone to the new yoga studio Hawkeye, but Im working my way to it

AnonWife

This may appear trivial, but yesterday I was shoping. Its good because I have not been focusing on things for me in a while. I love jewelry and bought myself a necklace that uses a stone known for its "protective" qualities. I bought another one and will have it fitted for my daughter as a bracelet. She loves to dress up. Now my husband needs the protective aspect too but I havent worked out a way to make it manly. Of course I know it wont fix him.
May not protect us, but pretty and I enjoyed shopping , something I havent felt recently.

Bekindalways

Good on ya Anonwife. These "trivial" actions are serious stuff for us codependents. I love to hear what others are doing!

AnonWife

You know it was in the Fall time, I looked in the mirror and said geesh look at me. Being a stay at home mom to my little one had taken its toll. I could avoid doing my hair, painting my nails, wear comfortable clothes and keds. But it was a far cry from the me who went to work everyday. And then with my husbands problems I realized I have got to take control here. Of myself. I need to do x,x,x, and made a list and then I thought how? But Im trying now and feel better for it.

findingme26

I love the protection stone jewelry idea!

My sister bought me a beautiful bracelet for Christmas this year with a Compass charm on it. The back of it says "Objective/Direction/Transition". It's supposed to help provide "guidance and navigation through life's unexpected twists and turns". It was so thoughtful and I wear it every day. It might seem silly, but it's nice to have a reminder that I can trust myself to be my own compass, and I have lots of support and guidance no matter what direction I go!

Bekindalways

Hey findingme the "Objective/direction/transition" idea goes along with your SR user name . . .cool. (You probably figured that out!)

Anonwife, work that protection stone for all it is worth. Use it as a reminder to take care of yourself no matter how uncomfortable it might be to do so!

AnonWife

I love your bracelet too. I think these types of things are little reminders, comforts.

AnonWife

What Im sitting with today is my inability to pick up the phone and make an appointment with one of the addiction therapists I talked to last week. It feels bigger than it should and Im not surw why I feel this way. Is it fear, change? I dont know. I need to pick one and press on.

Edge2007

Once you pick up that phone and do it though so much weight will lift off your shoulders because you don't need to think about it taking that step. You will feel so much better.

cece1960

Anonwife,
The first step is often the hardest. Meeting with a therapist is just that, with nothing more promised. This is for you.

AnonWife

Its a ridiculous feeling. I was thinking today one thing I worry is this professional will think from what I described he's not too bad off. But then I also logically know there is a problem and the soctor will understand. The two points of going is advice for me, and ideas on how to help him before it progresses further. I have questions all written out. Im only being a coward, but I will sit and reason with myself and maybe get the courage to "just do it". Trying to be patient with myself but at some point I may end up dragging my feet so badly it becomes harmful to me. Dont want this.

PuzzledHeart

Don't be a slave to the perfect. If this therapist doesn't work out, you can always speak to another one.

It's so hard to make that leap. It's so hard for ME to ask for help, because my ego thinks of it as a sign of weakness. However, you're/I'm not doing anybody else a favor by continuing to bear the burden of what you're going through. I have to remind myself that my friends/family/SR ;-) can only help me bear so much of the load.

Shoot, after saying all that _I'M_ going to have get my patootie in gear and find a therapist myself.

AnonWife

Thanks Puzzled. You made me laugh, yes get in gear and look for a therapist if its been on your mind. I worked with one before and it was a good experience. We moved and I cant go back there. Think its a matter of knowing how I am. Once I get the ball rolling Im going to focus on it. Its going to take a lot of energy and I feel not completely ready. Going to yoga today, working on my inner peace and strength.

teatreeoil007

I think it's most likely fear...You can do this, yeah...

Hawkeye13

I think with alcohol and prescription drug cross-addiction as you've described,
a therapist who specializes in addiction won't think "he's not too bad off"

In fact, maybe your underlying fear is that the therapist will instead be very concerned about
your husband getting worse and want you both to take more direct action.
That is a scary thought for any loving spouse--your husband doesn't sound
ready so far to quit, and that might make conflict.

But you need support, and I think a knowledgable third party who can give
you a sense of where your husband is on the spectrum of addiction,
and what the risks are would be really helpful as hard as it is to make the call.

Wishing you, and your husband, a good outcome AW

AnonWife

Your both right. I think I have fear. Today was suposed to be the phone call day. But time slipped by. Excuses, excuses.

I also feel like I have to gear up for what comes next. My husband was foggy brained earlier today when we were discussing some important issues. I actually asked him do you know what year it is, and he said 2006? But he wasnt condfident in it. Ans I think he was trying to really think too. But I handled it ok, and mostly feel a ding of sadness mixed with thinking its verification in being time to escalate this to professional level. Give me the strength.

Hawkeye13

I think you already have the strength--that's my sense of you.
You have really been trying to give him room to help himself, which isn't easy.
But this last symptom of not knowing the year is upsetting, and I agree with you
getting some professional advice at this point can only help.
Do you think he would be willing to at least get some counseling
or talk to someone about what's happening, or are you on your own?