So confused an fed up like always
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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So confused an fed up like always
My boyfriend has detoxed off of suboxone. He was taking it off the streets and not from a doctor. He has been on it for about a year and a half. It brought so many problems in our relationship. He finally wanted off. We have done this numerous times with failed outcomes. He'd detox himself, then start taking it and lying about it. He has now been off of it for 18 days.I have specific suboxone tests at home that he has passed 5 days into detox and 5 days after that. Lastnight at 17 days off he failed. He swears up and down that he hasn't done anything, and went on a rant about not going backwards. Could it be possible that the test is wrong? Or am I just being played for a fool like always
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I see this is only your second post, FUAA. Welcome to the Board. You've come to a really good place. Other members will be by to greet you in due course. Until they do, I'd like to share a couple of things with you.
It's important to note that you're not married to him, and even if you were, you're under no obligation to remain stuck in a Groundhog Day type loop with him. The chances that your ABF will find a sustained recovery are, statistically speaking, not very good. So you have some decisions on your doorstep, ones you may not necessarily want to make. And before you make those decision, you need to be full cognizant of what you're dealing with. His words do not matter. His actions do.
Read all you can stomach here. Learn how other women have dealt with an addicted boyfriend. And learn about opiates, in particular, and why they are so difficult to kick. You can get through this, but you'll need to be smart and honest from this time forward.
Glad you found us, and again, Welcome to the Board.
It's important to note that you're not married to him, and even if you were, you're under no obligation to remain stuck in a Groundhog Day type loop with him. The chances that your ABF will find a sustained recovery are, statistically speaking, not very good. So you have some decisions on your doorstep, ones you may not necessarily want to make. And before you make those decision, you need to be full cognizant of what you're dealing with. His words do not matter. His actions do.
Read all you can stomach here. Learn how other women have dealt with an addicted boyfriend. And learn about opiates, in particular, and why they are so difficult to kick. You can get through this, but you'll need to be smart and honest from this time forward.
Glad you found us, and again, Welcome to the Board.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
I second Zoso. Does groundhog
see his shadow or not?
Who cares, it's just a nasty fat
rodent------all that is guaranteed
with tracking his movements
is an endless winter.
Opiates are murder. DON'T join it.
see his shadow or not?
Who cares, it's just a nasty fat
rodent------all that is guaranteed
with tracking his movements
is an endless winter.
Opiates are murder. DON'T join it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
but the thing is........you DON'T believe him. if you did, you wouldn't constantly test him. you wouldn't DOUBT when the test reveals subs in his system and he says he did not use.
as for believing he can DO this......what evidence do you have? sometimes we stop seeing what we see and knowing what we know...
as for believing he can DO this......what evidence do you have? sometimes we stop seeing what we see and knowing what we know...
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by fedupasalways 
I don't want him to think I don't believe in him. I know he can do this. I'm just sick of the constant doubt. Doubt that he causes. Could the test be wrong?
Can he get clean? Sure. Will he get clean? That's the big question. And to answer that, you need to know what you're up against, and you can't be in denial about it either.
Use your head, not your heart.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
That's sounds like a really exhausting way to live. It also doesn't seem like you performing home drug tests is helping your peace of mind or keeping him sober.
Just because he's not ready for a recovery program doesn't mean you can't get into one. Have you looked into 12 step meetings like Naranon or Alanon or any other kind of real life support for yourself? Imagine if you put all of this energy and effort and time you're spending trying to be the sobriety police into doing something to improve your own situation, whatever that means to you as an individual.
Just because he's not ready for a recovery program doesn't mean you can't get into one. Have you looked into 12 step meetings like Naranon or Alanon or any other kind of real life support for yourself? Imagine if you put all of this energy and effort and time you're spending trying to be the sobriety police into doing something to improve your own situation, whatever that means to you as an individual.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by fedupasalways
I just tested him again, because he was so adamant and he passed. I don't know what the hell is going on. Could it have been a faulty test?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
There are ways to cheat at urine tests. Just google it.
I actually considered asking my sister to take a drug test when she was swearing up down and sideways that she had stopped using pot, (even though she would say in the same breath she was afraid people would think of her as a pothead) but then I realized it was pointless. The true issue for me continues to be her behavior - the delusional thinking, compulsive lying and her continued inability to take responsibility for her own life and choices. It sounds like to me your boyfriend has betrayed your trust, and that you want to get rid of the nagging doubt that ails you. You thought that drug tests would create some sort of baseline for truth (believe me I thought the same thing.) Unfortunately, you're quickly finding out drug tests aren't going to cut it.
I can only speak from my experience, which is very limited so please take it with a grain of salt. But I've realized that if my sister DID stop taking drugs, as she claims, she still hasn't addressed the underlying issues. As a result she's become a "dry drunk" (except this time it's pot). She's so unpredictable - she can be so cordial one minute and then the next she can turn downright nasty. She quit therapy right after my mom was diagnosed with cancer because she said that her therapist said that she now has the tools to cope with life. Either her therapist was horrible, or my sister didn't want to tell us that she quit of her own volition. Because we would question her choice, and my sister doesn't want to hear it. I also wonder if the therapist was beginning to ask her some tough questions, and my sister, in her usual fashion, ran away from facing the truth.
She has had a tough life. There are so many reasons why she turned to drugs. There are many reasons why she's decided to avoid my mom even though she's in hospice. What's hard for me to get through my head is that I can't fix this situation and I cannot fix my sister's life. I cannot make her situation better. SHE has to do the work. Yes, if she tested positive for drugs I could then justify these incredibly angry feelings that I have for her. But the fact of the matter is that a positive drug test isn't going to solve anything at all if she doesn't get to the root of the matter. And a negative drug test will not magically mean that my sister is actually better. And as you're finding out, a negative drug test won't take away your doubt and your worry.
I actually considered asking my sister to take a drug test when she was swearing up down and sideways that she had stopped using pot, (even though she would say in the same breath she was afraid people would think of her as a pothead) but then I realized it was pointless. The true issue for me continues to be her behavior - the delusional thinking, compulsive lying and her continued inability to take responsibility for her own life and choices. It sounds like to me your boyfriend has betrayed your trust, and that you want to get rid of the nagging doubt that ails you. You thought that drug tests would create some sort of baseline for truth (believe me I thought the same thing.) Unfortunately, you're quickly finding out drug tests aren't going to cut it.
I can only speak from my experience, which is very limited so please take it with a grain of salt. But I've realized that if my sister DID stop taking drugs, as she claims, she still hasn't addressed the underlying issues. As a result she's become a "dry drunk" (except this time it's pot). She's so unpredictable - she can be so cordial one minute and then the next she can turn downright nasty. She quit therapy right after my mom was diagnosed with cancer because she said that her therapist said that she now has the tools to cope with life. Either her therapist was horrible, or my sister didn't want to tell us that she quit of her own volition. Because we would question her choice, and my sister doesn't want to hear it. I also wonder if the therapist was beginning to ask her some tough questions, and my sister, in her usual fashion, ran away from facing the truth.
She has had a tough life. There are so many reasons why she turned to drugs. There are many reasons why she's decided to avoid my mom even though she's in hospice. What's hard for me to get through my head is that I can't fix this situation and I cannot fix my sister's life. I cannot make her situation better. SHE has to do the work. Yes, if she tested positive for drugs I could then justify these incredibly angry feelings that I have for her. But the fact of the matter is that a positive drug test isn't going to solve anything at all if she doesn't get to the root of the matter. And a negative drug test will not magically mean that my sister is actually better. And as you're finding out, a negative drug test won't take away your doubt and your worry.
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