View Poll Results: What should I do from here?
Stay on the same path- sober
1
7.14%
Tell my husband
0
0%
Dedicate my life to being a good person, wife and friend
2
14.29%
Forgive myself and move on
11
78.57%
Voters: 14. You may not vote on this poll
Life after recovery- feelings of guilt and shame
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Sydney nsw
Posts: 1
Life after recovery- feelings of guilt and shame
I have not had a drink in close to 3 months... Alcohol was my best friend for easily half of my life. I am a very anxious, socially awkward person, but that would completely disappear when I was drinking. Being drunk and flirty is ok when you are young, but not when you are an adult in a serious relationship
About 18 months ago I started taking Prozac for my panic attacks. Doctors advise not to drink when on anti- depressants. There is a reason for that.
During that time I attempted to sleep with my husbands best friend (he turned me down, thank god). I pashed my best friend several times. The last night I ever drank I had sex with my best friends husband... While she was in the next room. She walked in on us after our clothes were back on, but she could tell something had happened
The next day I started attending a.a meetings. I had spiraled to a complete mess. I had been drinking everyday to the state of being drunk, often by myself.
It's crazy, because my husband is the most beautiful man that I have ever known. I love him like crazy. When I drink though, especially while on prescription pills, I act completely in the moment, without regard to anyone's feelings
My husband doesn't know about me sleeping with one of his best friends (who is also my best friends husband). She decided that she didn't want him to know, which surprised me, as long as I got help . My husband would of been devastated, Her husband had admitted to having feeling towards me, and even that alone almost ended the friendship between him and my husband. I destroyed our friendship, and I destroyed her. She was in a deep depression for 2 months after. We are now working on our friendship, but it's hard
I love being sober, and I am now dedicating my life to being the best wife that I can. I owe him so much
Even so, I feel horrible guilt all the time. I knew that something drastic had to happen for me to stop drinking, but I didn't imagine that it would have been this bad
Has anybody out there been through something similar? Is there someone else who feels like they are a good person, but addiction and depression led them down a very bad path? I would love some guidance
About 18 months ago I started taking Prozac for my panic attacks. Doctors advise not to drink when on anti- depressants. There is a reason for that.
During that time I attempted to sleep with my husbands best friend (he turned me down, thank god). I pashed my best friend several times. The last night I ever drank I had sex with my best friends husband... While she was in the next room. She walked in on us after our clothes were back on, but she could tell something had happened
The next day I started attending a.a meetings. I had spiraled to a complete mess. I had been drinking everyday to the state of being drunk, often by myself.
It's crazy, because my husband is the most beautiful man that I have ever known. I love him like crazy. When I drink though, especially while on prescription pills, I act completely in the moment, without regard to anyone's feelings
My husband doesn't know about me sleeping with one of his best friends (who is also my best friends husband). She decided that she didn't want him to know, which surprised me, as long as I got help . My husband would of been devastated, Her husband had admitted to having feeling towards me, and even that alone almost ended the friendship between him and my husband. I destroyed our friendship, and I destroyed her. She was in a deep depression for 2 months after. We are now working on our friendship, but it's hard
I love being sober, and I am now dedicating my life to being the best wife that I can. I owe him so much
Even so, I feel horrible guilt all the time. I knew that something drastic had to happen for me to stop drinking, but I didn't imagine that it would have been this bad
Has anybody out there been through something similar? Is there someone else who feels like they are a good person, but addiction and depression led them down a very bad path? I would love some guidance
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi and welcome Frank 
I think we've all done things we're deeply ashamed of when drunk - I know I have.
I can't tell you what to do regards your life and secrets - I just know that guilt can be very heavy to carry around.
What I can do is offer you support and encourage on get sober and staying that way.
You don't have to live that way anymore - and you're not alone
D
I think we've all done things we're deeply ashamed of when drunk - I know I have.
I can't tell you what to do regards your life and secrets - I just know that guilt can be very heavy to carry around.
What I can do is offer you support and encourage on get sober and staying that way.
You don't have to live that way anymore - and you're not alone
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,584
Yes. I used to take anti-depressants too (Mirtazapine) and drank on top. They dole them out like lollies in detox/rehab. So yes, I have done things that never in my wildest dreams would I ever even consider. They weirded me out and the WD was terrible. But have to say that alcohol alone had me do the same. So good to not be drinking. Trying to learn to forgive myself because if sober these stupidities will never happen again and that's good enough for me. What else can a girl do? As for the poll I ticked 'forgive myself and move on' but the moving on would mean me being sober.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome Frankpowers I can only echo what's been said no judgement I'd be pretty hypocritical if I did as I have done things that I was ashamed of & regretted doing in my drinking days
I can't tell you what I think the best option is for you to do apart from at this point just to remain focused solely on your sobriety
I can't tell you what I think the best option is for you to do apart from at this point just to remain focused solely on your sobriety
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 204
You are not alone. Almost all of us have done things completely out of character, things we feel ashamed of and regret whilst drunk. What's done is done you can't un do the past, you need to forgive yourself and move on. Your friend obviously cares about your friendship enough to work things out and to forgive you. You owe it to her and to yourself to stay sober. You never need to be in this situation again, you can continue living a life of conscious well thought out sober decisions. The shame will fade in time. Things will get better. Forgive yourself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
I did some crazy and devastating things like that years ago. I just chose to keep drinking to make my guilt and shame "go away". After a few years of drinking it away, I just ended up isolating and trying to shun all friends so I'd have no reason to disappoint everyone and myself.....didn't work btw.
Only then did I finally get sober.
Then it all came flying back at first, all the shame and guilt I'd buried with alcohol, but it is lessening. If I let myself go down that road and jump in the cesspool of my past life, I can relive all the pain again with no problem. But, what I'm getting better at is forgiveness, looking forward, and living my life now as a sober person who would never do some of things as I did. I am no longer that person and don't ever want to be. I have to forgive myself daily sometimes. I am a good person, who made horrible decisions when drinking....and I can't change a thing no matter how much I beat myself up about it.
I'm only a a little ahead of you being sober, so maybe some more time? I'm sure still learning but thats okay. The guilt/shame I feel today sober is NOTHING compared to how it felt when I as drinking.
It sounds as if you're on the right path and are a good person. Accept your past, forgive yourself and move forward. You are not that drunk anymore.
Only then did I finally get sober.
Then it all came flying back at first, all the shame and guilt I'd buried with alcohol, but it is lessening. If I let myself go down that road and jump in the cesspool of my past life, I can relive all the pain again with no problem. But, what I'm getting better at is forgiveness, looking forward, and living my life now as a sober person who would never do some of things as I did. I am no longer that person and don't ever want to be. I have to forgive myself daily sometimes. I am a good person, who made horrible decisions when drinking....and I can't change a thing no matter how much I beat myself up about it.
I'm only a a little ahead of you being sober, so maybe some more time? I'm sure still learning but thats okay. The guilt/shame I feel today sober is NOTHING compared to how it felt when I as drinking.
It sounds as if you're on the right path and are a good person. Accept your past, forgive yourself and move forward. You are not that drunk anymore.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Frank!! 
For me the more time I've put between my old life and my new life the better things have gotten regarding feelings over things I did during my drinking days, the more we create a new Sober life, one that we are fully in control of rather than the chaos alcohol created the easier I found it to let go of the past and firmly focus on a happier future.
For me the more time I've put between my old life and my new life the better things have gotten regarding feelings over things I did during my drinking days, the more we create a new Sober life, one that we are fully in control of rather than the chaos alcohol created the easier I found it to let go of the past and firmly focus on a happier future.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Grats on close to 90 days, great start!
A lot changed for me in my first 90 days - brain started to clear some and the fog began to roll out of the harbor, so to speak.
I found simply saying I was sorry was hollow words, again. By taking the action of staying sober we can start to view things with a different light. What I thought was the right thing to do at 90 days is much different into my second year.
Thanks for the post, glad you're here with us!
A lot changed for me in my first 90 days - brain started to clear some and the fog began to roll out of the harbor, so to speak.
I found simply saying I was sorry was hollow words, again. By taking the action of staying sober we can start to view things with a different light. What I thought was the right thing to do at 90 days is much different into my second year.
Thanks for the post, glad you're here with us!
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
Options 1, 3, & 4 can be done together. Taken together, they're what I'd do were I in your shoes.
I won't say anything about telling your husband. I think what AA says about avoiding needless hurt is valuable, but I also know that living with a secret as awful as yours must be quite the burden.
I won't say anything about telling your husband. I think what AA says about avoiding needless hurt is valuable, but I also know that living with a secret as awful as yours must be quite the burden.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: London
Posts: 172
Hi and welcome, well done on your 90 days!! I have done some things Iam deeply ashamed of drunk that I would not do sober and Iam living with the guilt also, as deep down like you said Iam a good person who was led to do things totally out of character whilst drinking... Try to forgive yourself I know it's easier said than done but Iam sure the more sober time you put Between your old life and new the guilt will lessen. Also if you was not a good person you would not be posting on here you would not care. Peace
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I've been on the other side of this equation.
My advice would be that if there is Any Chance in The World he will find out, then tell him. If that's not going to happen and you know for certain that you will never cheat again, don't say a thing. Forgive yourself, continue to work on yourself, your friendship and your marriage.
Being cheated on and finding out on my own was just about unbearable. It certainly would have been better to have been told directly, but best of all (in my opinion) would be to not know and to be secure in my relationship from that point forward.
My advice would be that if there is Any Chance in The World he will find out, then tell him. If that's not going to happen and you know for certain that you will never cheat again, don't say a thing. Forgive yourself, continue to work on yourself, your friendship and your marriage.
Being cheated on and finding out on my own was just about unbearable. It certainly would have been better to have been told directly, but best of all (in my opinion) would be to not know and to be secure in my relationship from that point forward.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
