noneever

Day 1. Again. The angst, the 'whys', the swearing to never, never, never again.

I bought a bottle of wine after doing a night shift. Drank it all and was blind drunk when my kids arrived home in the afternoon.

I drove my car drunk to buy more alcohol. Can barely remember doing it.

I am an alcoholic. I know this now.

I am terrified that I can't do this. Aa soon as that little voice pops into my head, I become an automaton and buy alcohol and then drink it.

I am going to kill myself or someone else if this doesn't end for good.

Please help me.

Dee74

How far did you get with that strategy stuff you were talking about last thread noneever?

This is a gateway to some excellent links for making a recovery plan.
I'd really check it out.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Shut the door on drinking.

Remove it, now and forever as a viable option for you.

Start working, now, on other options you can turn to when things get tight again, as they will. Early recovery is rough.

Make the lifestyle changes you need to make,. make those attitudinal adjustments, find the support thats right for you ...and use it 100%

You can get sober just like anyone else here - you'll get back what you put into your recovery though.

Leave no stone unturned and discount no method - give it all you have & you'll find the right path for you

Don't lose hope

D

Dropsie

You can do this.

You need to for yourself and your kids.

One day you may really kill someone, so go for it now.

For me, the main thing was to accept that never was never. And then to do anything to get there.

Not drinking is just the start, but without it, nothing works.

Go for it -- you can do it. none of us thought we could, but we can and we did.

You can too.

Good luck.

soberclover

I know in my early sobriety it was really tough getting through some of the cravings to drink but the reality is that you will be uncomfortable physically and mentally and you need to figure out how to keep yourself busy during these times. I made my home an alcohol-free zone and threw out everything that reminded me of drinking....get rid of your corkscrew! Figure out a project to keep your hands busy...I did a lot of cleaning! Come on SR and vent away when you are craving. Go to a meeting...find some face to face support if that is what you need. Be willing to do ANYTHING in order to stay sober!

FarToGo

I really hope you can find the strength to do this, you sound so desperate and the majority of us here will relate to that feeling. Use it, use that desperation and make sure booze doesn't make you feel this bad ever again.
Looking forward to reading posts from you saying you've 1, 2, 3 .... days sober.
Good luck.
xx

ALinNS

Thank you for sharing with is and you can do it, when I look at my track record and consumption in the past, if I can do it you can also.

First thing I would do in your shoes is call the doc, you may and probably will need meds to help get you through the first few days, first week is the hardest and when the cravings are strongest, meds will help.

Get to a meeting and make some friends you can call when and if you feel you want to give in and drink.

Stay close to here, I attend AA Alive online as well I found it to be the best online chat for me.

Get a plan in place, I will PM you a link on how to set up a plan which is very close to what I did.

Remember we went to all lengths to get our booze, now go to all lengths to protect your sobriety and stay close as we are here to help and offer our experiences,

All the best
Andrew

Soberwolf

My advice would be get a plan going NoneEver and reach out anytime you have urges or cravings it is a excellent tool in recovery

SoberinSyracuse

This described me for the longest time, maybe with two weeks here and three weeks there sober, until I'd go back to "automaton." I needed professional help.

Do you have a sponsor or an accountability partner? Have you considered either inpatient or intensive outpatient therapy?

You're thinking strategically, but you may need help to get some initial time under your belt. Don't hesitate to reach out for professional help. I'm so glad I did.

least

The key for me was I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink.

Delilah1

Great advice above, I think Least hit the nail on the head with "You need to want to be sober, more than you want to be drunk." I have had stretches of sobriety in the past, and currently I am on Day 18, and this time those words are constantly in my head.

I can tell you that waking up sober feels a lot better than waking up feeling crummy and knowing you have to figure out a way to make it through the day.

PurpleKnight

You can do this Noneever, a final line can be drawn under alcohol and a happier chapter to your life written.

Moving forward, get a plan together, plenty of support around you, making sure to utilise that support when you need it, I used to check into SR prior to setting off on the journey home from work, just to short-circuit any crazy ideas of stopping off at the liquor store, and then stay with SR throughout the evening in case I'd think about going back out.

You can do this, change up your routines/habits, and you'll get there!!

Hawkeye13

Make / revise your plan
Add a binding, non-adjustable clause that you will not drink again
See doctor if needed for support in detox
Post here before you drink if tempted and urge surf to manage
Reach out for face support if you can
Start planning a life of sobriety away from booze
Stock up on quality ice cream for serious battle against relapse. . .

FreeOwl

I found tremendous help by walking through the doors of AA, getting a Big Book and getting to work on making changes in my life.

Nobody can do it for you. But, if you're ready to do whatever it takes, if you're ready to make changes in your life, if you're ready to be honest with yourself and work on making your life the best it can be..... then help is standing by waiting for you.

AnvilheadII

throw yourself into recovery with relentless effort......do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get sober and STAY sober. make it your life's mission. swearing off alone NEVER works.....because it's not a PLAN, its a knee jerk reaction to the horror of what happened.

Consider getting supervised medical help. Consider going to treatment. Find AA meetings nearby and go. Commit to not drinking TODAY. in other words, get HELP and SUPPORT. you don't have to do this alone.....

Thumpalumpacus

What's working so far for me, aside from the great stuff above about making a plan, seeking the support of others, and establishing little tricks to move you out of drinking headspace, is simply understanding the difference between sobriety and recovery.

Sobriety is the state of not drinking.

Recovery is the act of searching for and correcting the motivations leading you to desire intoxication.

One of the major rewards I'm getting from this process is the deeper understanding of myself and others I'm gaining from the self-analysis true recovery requires.

SoberLeigh

Great post, Thump. Understanding the difference between sobriety and recovery and that deeper understanding of self were essential for me, too, noneever.

There is a great reading list here on SR. I'll find and post it for you.

SoberLeigh

Here is the link, noneever:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ependence.html

Dee74

How are you feeling now noneever?

D

Nuudawn

Aw hon...been there done that. I remember waking up absolutely terrified after driving home in some sort of black out. I scared me sober for a great while. I can't offer any advice ...only cyber care. I struggle to keep on the sober road but I do know that the morning I woke up after driving in a black out I made a list of all the things I would or could do when the urge to drink hit...posting here was one..as was going to an AA meeting. If you truly want to stop drinking (something I unfortunately have waffled on in the past)...do whatever it takes.

noneever

Thank you all for the encouragement and advice.

Day 2 today and I feel pretty good physically. Mentally, I'm just so horrified that I drove blind drunk. I truly do not know how I didn't have an accident. I feel sick to my stomach.

I'm working until late tonight so there's no chance of me drinking today.

I've been thinking about my plan and I've realised that I can write ideas until the cows come home, if I'm not actually doing any of it then it's meaningless.

So today, before I head to work I'll be going for a swim (relaxation and healthy endorphins) and doing a body scan meditation to start tapping into what I'm feeling and sitting with that. I'm also going to join the class of jan thread as a way of getting support and staying accountable.

I've also started rereading Alan Carrs book.

Tomorrow will be dealt with tomorrow. I'm just focusing on today.