Dry drunk period
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 91
Dry drunk period
Hello, everyone!
Things have been going pretty well overall here. I've been to the Alanon meeting every week, just as I promised myself. Even when other things threatened to redirect me. I simply said I wasn't available at that time. It has been good, helpful.
I'm feeling irritated today. AH and I are in a weight loss competition with some friends and family. For that reason, and maybe because he gave some unsolicited promise that he would "cut way back" in the new year (yada yada kwim?) , AH has had very little to drink in the past two weeks. Nothing in the past 10 days or so. It has been pretty great. We have actually had active weekends. Even past 3pm! Haha
This morning has been uncomfortable though. He makes wine. In the past, he would make Some for him And some for me even though the stuff he made for me was mostly drank by him too because I couldn't keep up with him. Anyway, he wants to start a batch and keeps asking me what kind, how much, etc etc. I told him more than once that he should just make what he wants. But he kept trying to draw me into this project. Finally this morning I just told him that I'm not drinking much at all anymore and he shouldn't plan for me, just make what he wants. It's very hard for me to express all this in neutral tones so as not to try and control him or what he does. But he's not getting the message. Even after the last comment, he said, " okay. And you'll just have whatever I make if you want some?" Obviously, yes. But why is it so important to him that I have any at all?!? Ugh! I finally just got out of bed and left the room.
After that, he seems to be trying to pick fights with me. And really, for the past two weeks he's just antsy, fidgety, restless. He gets 25000 steps a day on the weekends. Just walking in circles in the house and on the treadmill. Some of it is the competition, but I think a lot of it is not knowing what to do with all the hours in the day if he's not drinking. It's making me nuts. It's making me understand the comments I see on here about sometimes wishing they'd just have a damn drink already.
I still haven't told him that I'm going to Alanon. He'd know if he tried to notice, but he doesn't. I have arguments with myself over whether that's because he just trusts me implicitly, or if he just doesn't care where I go or what I do. Is that nuts too?
There's no point to this post other than to check in and vent a little.
Thanks for reading
Things have been going pretty well overall here. I've been to the Alanon meeting every week, just as I promised myself. Even when other things threatened to redirect me. I simply said I wasn't available at that time. It has been good, helpful.
I'm feeling irritated today. AH and I are in a weight loss competition with some friends and family. For that reason, and maybe because he gave some unsolicited promise that he would "cut way back" in the new year (yada yada kwim?) , AH has had very little to drink in the past two weeks. Nothing in the past 10 days or so. It has been pretty great. We have actually had active weekends. Even past 3pm! Haha
This morning has been uncomfortable though. He makes wine. In the past, he would make Some for him And some for me even though the stuff he made for me was mostly drank by him too because I couldn't keep up with him. Anyway, he wants to start a batch and keeps asking me what kind, how much, etc etc. I told him more than once that he should just make what he wants. But he kept trying to draw me into this project. Finally this morning I just told him that I'm not drinking much at all anymore and he shouldn't plan for me, just make what he wants. It's very hard for me to express all this in neutral tones so as not to try and control him or what he does. But he's not getting the message. Even after the last comment, he said, " okay. And you'll just have whatever I make if you want some?" Obviously, yes. But why is it so important to him that I have any at all?!? Ugh! I finally just got out of bed and left the room.
After that, he seems to be trying to pick fights with me. And really, for the past two weeks he's just antsy, fidgety, restless. He gets 25000 steps a day on the weekends. Just walking in circles in the house and on the treadmill. Some of it is the competition, but I think a lot of it is not knowing what to do with all the hours in the day if he's not drinking. It's making me nuts. It's making me understand the comments I see on here about sometimes wishing they'd just have a damn drink already.
I still haven't told him that I'm going to Alanon. He'd know if he tried to notice, but he doesn't. I have arguments with myself over whether that's because he just trusts me implicitly, or if he just doesn't care where I go or what I do. Is that nuts too?
There's no point to this post other than to check in and vent a little.
Thanks for reading
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
But why is it so important to him that I have any at all?!?
My ex was this way. He'd bring me drinks that I hadn't asked for, buy alcohol "for me" on my birthday. With him it was a way of normalizing his own consumption and it gave him something to point a finger at when I tried to talk to him about his drinking. I eventually quit drinking altogether the last year or so we were together. I had quit before that for about 18 months when I was pregnant and breastfeeding. It never changed any of his behavior, and he always found something else to nitpick about (I bit my nails, wrote about him in my journal, burned dinner, whatever).
Sending hugs. I know mine used to have his worst blowout benders after periods of relative abstinence. Stay safe and busy. Good for you doing the weight loss/fitness competition. How's that going?
My ex was this way. He'd bring me drinks that I hadn't asked for, buy alcohol "for me" on my birthday. With him it was a way of normalizing his own consumption and it gave him something to point a finger at when I tried to talk to him about his drinking. I eventually quit drinking altogether the last year or so we were together. I had quit before that for about 18 months when I was pregnant and breastfeeding. It never changed any of his behavior, and he always found something else to nitpick about (I bit my nails, wrote about him in my journal, burned dinner, whatever).
Sending hugs. I know mine used to have his worst blowout benders after periods of relative abstinence. Stay safe and busy. Good for you doing the weight loss/fitness competition. How's that going?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 91
Yes, I do think that he just wants to have it be normal. He keeps suggesting gifts of alcohol to our friends for various occasions too. I keep redirecting. Lol
The competition is going well. He's dropping weight like it's on fire of course, because he's not consuming quarts of empty liquid calories all the time, and he's walking holes in the carpet in restlessness. I'm dropping much slower. But I'm satisfied with any weight loss and feeling really good now that I'm back to eating in a more healthful way. Thanks for asking.
The competition is going well. He's dropping weight like it's on fire of course, because he's not consuming quarts of empty liquid calories all the time, and he's walking holes in the carpet in restlessness. I'm dropping much slower. But I'm satisfied with any weight loss and feeling really good now that I'm back to eating in a more healthful way. Thanks for asking.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
T-
If you go on the new to recovery forum you can find threads on how bored the sober members are. They tell them to pick up activities to keep them busy. Ask him what he use to like doing before he spent all his time drinking?? Alcoholics spend a lot of time drinking. Read some of the threads and maybe there will be something that you could mention to him that he would like.
Hugs my friend, and mind your side of the street!!
If you go on the new to recovery forum you can find threads on how bored the sober members are. They tell them to pick up activities to keep them busy. Ask him what he use to like doing before he spent all his time drinking?? Alcoholics spend a lot of time drinking. Read some of the threads and maybe there will be something that you could mention to him that he would like.
Hugs my friend, and mind your side of the street!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by maia1234 
T-
If you go on the new to recovery forum you can find threads on how bored the sober members are. They tell them to pick up activities to keep them busy. Ask him what he use to like doing before he spent all his time drinking?? Alcoholics spend a lot of time drinking. Read some of the threads and maybe there will be something that you could mention to him that he would like.
Hugs my friend, and mind your side of the street!!
If you go on the new to recovery forum you can find threads on how bored the sober members are. They tell them to pick up activities to keep them busy. Ask him what he use to like doing before he spent all his time drinking?? Alcoholics spend a lot of time drinking. Read some of the threads and maybe there will be something that you could mention to him that he would like.
Hugs my friend, and mind your side of the street!!
And Oy!
Yes, just trying to mind my own side of the street. I think I'll take off for a while today and visit some friends while he does his thing.
:
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Yes, when an alkie quits not only do we not know what do do with all of our time, but the lack of depressant in our system makes our brain fire on all cylinders. So we get very restless. it seems from your post that he's not in any sort of recovery group or program, so he really has nothing to do but sit and stew about it. Or walk holes in the carpet and make wine.
I agree with the other posters, a hobby sounds good. Or one of those adult coloring books, or maybe a nice recovery text.
Of course none of that is in your control or mine, so good job keeping your side of the street clean! And congrats on the better choices with healthy eating. I need to get back on that myself.
I agree with the other posters, a hobby sounds good. Or one of those adult coloring books, or maybe a nice recovery text.
Of course none of that is in your control or mine, so good job keeping your side of the street clean! And congrats on the better choices with healthy eating. I need to get back on that myself.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Originally Posted by THippy
Yes, I do think that he just wants to have it be normal. He keeps suggesting gifts of alcohol to our friends for various occasions too. I keep redirecting. Lol
He also tried his hand at homemade wine, if you can call it that. He tried to ferment old fruit in rubbing alcohol. That didn't go too well so he went back to his old standbys of vodka and that blue mouthwash from Dollar Tree.
Glad to hear your fitness challenge is going well. I just started doing hot yoga a couple of weeks ago and I'm loving it.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Originally Posted by Nero427
Now that's funny!
isopropyl ≠ ethanol
isopropyl ≠ ethanol
Sorry that's OT, but you woke up the biologist in me and if it didn't hurt anyone, I gotta laugh!
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,248
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler
But why is it so important to him that I have any at all?!?
My ex was this way. He'd bring me drinks that I hadn't asked for, buy alcohol "for me" on my birthday. With him it was a way of normalizing his own consumption and it gave him something to point a finger at when I tried to talk to him about his drinking. I eventually quit drinking altogether the last year or so we were together. I had quit before that for about 18 months when I was pregnant and breastfeeding. It never changed any of his behavior, and he always found something else to nitpick about (I bit my nails, wrote about him in my journal, burned dinner, whatever).
Sending hugs. I know mine used to have his worst blowout benders after periods of relative abstinence. Stay safe and busy. Good for you doing the weight loss/fitness competition. How's that going?
My ex was this way. He'd bring me drinks that I hadn't asked for, buy alcohol "for me" on my birthday. With him it was a way of normalizing his own consumption and it gave him something to point a finger at when I tried to talk to him about his drinking. I eventually quit drinking altogether the last year or so we were together. I had quit before that for about 18 months when I was pregnant and breastfeeding. It never changed any of his behavior, and he always found something else to nitpick about (I bit my nails, wrote about him in my journal, burned dinner, whatever).
Sending hugs. I know mine used to have his worst blowout benders after periods of relative abstinence. Stay safe and busy. Good for you doing the weight loss/fitness competition. How's that going?
His girl friend was bewildered that I didn't want to drink like they did over the holidays nor can she believe I can actually turn down drinks. Nor can they believe I can stretch a bottle or any gift over time.
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