Redheadsusie

I do right now. AH has moved out months ago- he lives with his supportive family- they all coddle him - he doesn't work- he lives in a $600,000 house on the River - they joined a gym for him- cook for him- do his clothes-love him............ I am left with the rubbage - I know my house is peaceful and it is - but it is quiet - and lonely- I have my doodle - who loves me but I don't even feel good enough for her- maybe someone could give her a better home........ My youngest is hopefully getting his first real job since graduating college - super proud - great job- great salary- he will move to another city. His older brother is doing great - finished college 3 years ago- super great job- so successful with a wonderful fiance - I raised them- I sacrificed so much for them - my choice - I would do it again- and they are great young appreciative men and I am so proud of them. I don't want them to see me weak but I am right now. I hate alcohol and what it took from me - I lost both of my parents since 2010 - they both had drinking problems and died miserable sad deaths- it still haunts me. My first AH - my sons Dad - we divorced when my sons were 3 and 6 because of his destructive drinking and what I did not want my sons to see. AH #2- wow- I look back at my posts and what a monster he was when drinking- so mean - why would I take that and why am I sad now? He of course is trying to contact me - wants to have dinner - says he is not drinking - maybe for this week? I have heard it before. He knows I am weak- he tells me I am unmanageable and will grow old alone - why would I listen to that - maybe I will- I don't think I am that bad- maybe I am- people tell me I am kind and funny and nice - he says they didn't have to live with me - I run a prison- told me that in front of clients one day - told me if he would have been my son he would have run away. Well my sons love me they tell me a lot - they are grateful- f*%k! I am a mess- I don't belong here in this town where I have no family- I don't belong where my sisters are as I have no real estate business there - I don't belong being needy to my sons - as I am supposed to be strong------ I dont belong with AH but I can't make the final break I know I need to to move forward with whatever it is I am supposed to do for the next 30 or 40 years. I cant sleep I look old and tired and sad - I once was vibrant and happy and proud and hopeful - God give me strength----- Redheadsusie find your strength............................ I just want to yell cuss words.... Get a grip!

dandylion

Red....it takes time to grieve....and it takes time to carve a new life and to put down new roots.....

It is also possible that you may have brought baggage to your marriage that was left over from your childhood and young adult development.....
I suggest that you take a look and consider the support group---Adult Children of Alcoholics.....
I'll bet that you will find solace , understanding and friends who will walk with you on your new path......

dandylion

Liveitwell

I was going to say the same thing, dandy. Poster-you would find a home and feel very much a part if a family in alanon or ACOA. Peace and hugs to you!

SparkleKitty

Susie, you CAN make this break, you just haven't yet, and perhaps with the help of a counselor you can begin to address why you don't believe you deserve better. Continuing to interact with him, to compare your situation to his, to listen to his abusive nonsense...none of this is helping you. I believe it is actively hurting you. The answer is not in someone else. It is in you.

AnvilheadII

i imagine this is the FIRST time in a loonnnnng time you have lived on your own? without family, or husbands or children? where your former ROLES are no longer in play. that is disconcerting for anyone. it's the big NOW WHAT?????

it's a brave new world and it's going to take time to acclimate, get your bearings, figure out the lay of the land.

i think it would be immensely helpful to cut off contact from your abusive alcoholic husband. completely. he serves no good purpose.

Liveitwell

Anvil-yes....just great advice. Redefining "roles" is brutally hard....hard enough without an abusive alcoholic muddling the waters.

Redheadsusie

Thank you for your wisdom all of you - makes me feel less alone. I will stop contact and am already seeing a counselor - I will check into acoa meeting too. I am sure I did bring lots of baggage with me - with thanks

Thumpalumpacus

Addicts hate reality, so they tend to shoot the messenger. You shouldn't beat yourself up over his anger, nor should you accept paralysis when there's a great life ahead of you.

jjj111

It seems like you've been haunted for a while now by this feeling of not really having moved on and still being in limbo from your marriage. Have you thought about moving forward with the divorce? Maybe you could use your realtor skills to move into a new house that will feel like your own home, instead of staying in the home you lived in with your husband? It's possible that you will start feeling like you belong when you start actively building a new post-marriage life for yourself! And yes, please stop comparing yourself to your husband, and stop talking to him! He's an abusive jerk, and his life being enabled by Mommy and Daddy is not something to envy.

HHTexas

Kind of struggling with this myself. I don't really have family close by. Will be just me and little man, who's a toddler. I've isolated myself with the alcoholic. Heaven forbid they have their own friends or hobbies. Trying to get in a bible study and invite friends to coffee. All of my close girlfriends are married :-/

redatlanta

Sounds to me like you could use a change of scenery

Bekindalways

Hang tough and hang close to us Redheadsusie. Take whatever steps you can to take care of yourself, find new interests, and most of all support.