Christian perspective...RAH has been caught viewing porn years ago
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Christian perspective...RAH has been caught viewing porn years ago
While my hubby was drinking years ago he also had a computer porn addiction.
He quit when I found out.( supposedly)
I just found out he was viewing again a couple years ago on his iPad.
He told me this. And he said he smashed up his iPad .i have not seen it.
So how does one go to church every Sunday sing and have hands stretched out to Jesus then come home and do this?
He waited 5 years .when we were dating ....no sex till we were married because he is such a devout Christian but yet he does this and with holds from me.
What the heck and who am I married too?
I am beyond confused and hurt.
He quit when I found out.( supposedly)
I just found out he was viewing again a couple years ago on his iPad.
He told me this. And he said he smashed up his iPad .i have not seen it.
So how does one go to church every Sunday sing and have hands stretched out to Jesus then come home and do this?
He waited 5 years .when we were dating ....no sex till we were married because he is such a devout Christian but yet he does this and with holds from me.
What the heck and who am I married too?
I am beyond confused and hurt.
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Location: Texas
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Blue-there is a world of difference between physically going to church and having a relationship with Jesus Christ and following Him and His teachings (I know this personally from my own testimony). The devil is a powerful force and tempts all the time (that's not an excuse). Has he shown true repentance? My ex admitted to porn too-when I was pregnant-(I'm sure it was a lot more than what I know about)-hurt like hell. I understand your feelings, truly. I'm so sorry....hugs and peace to you, that's all I can offer!
P.S. To answer your question about how one goes to church every Subday and then does this, same way my ex would go to church hungover and then many times get drunk later that night and curse me out, abuse me or our children or other lovely things. To me there are two types of people-those that go to church just to do it and for show and to feel better about themselves OR those that are truly there to seek Jesus, change, grow and admit to their struggles. Vast difference.
P.S. To answer your question about how one goes to church every Subday and then does this, same way my ex would go to church hungover and then many times get drunk later that night and curse me out, abuse me or our children or other lovely things. To me there are two types of people-those that go to church just to do it and for show and to feel better about themselves OR those that are truly there to seek Jesus, change, grow and admit to their struggles. Vast difference.
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Every guy watches porn whether he admits it or not, its perfectly normal. Maybe its a little taboo, kind of like admitting masturbation after marriage, which most guys also do. So you are probably married to a perfectly normal guy and have nothing to worry about in this respect. That's my view anyway.
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he reads his bible every night knows it inside out but yet does these things.
How does one not feel convicted and yet still manages to go to church every Sunday .
Never misses..
And how does one not have sex before marriage because his beliefs are so strong.
He had self control for that?
He wasn't tempted?
Yet satan tempts him for porn?
I cannot wrap my head around it ...
How does one not feel convicted and yet still manages to go to church every Sunday .
Never misses..
And how does one not have sex before marriage because his beliefs are so strong.
He had self control for that?
He wasn't tempted?
Yet satan tempts him for porn?
I cannot wrap my head around it ...
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Each of us has our weaknesses-and yes, Satan knows them and tempts us with our weaknesses. My ex father in law could recite the Bible almost word for word-and was going to be a priest. He was the most evil belligerent abusjve person I've ever had in my life. Just bc you read the bible and go to church does not mean you are a Christian-a disciple. It only means you are literate and like to go to church! I think it was HoneyPig's husband (apologies if I'm wrong!) that used to be team leader at AA-preached about sobriety, etc but was drinking the entire time! Just bc you read something does not mean you actually plan to live it.
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Ub-it may be normal but that doesn't mean it's right or ok or acceptable in a marriage. There are a lot if things that our society has normalized (cheating, addiction, etc) that are blatantly not ok. I find your comment extremely disrespectful and inappropriate in this forum with this member that is having her heart broken over his obvious porn addiction.
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Bluehawaii.....h ave you discussed your views with him, in this regard.
In a marriage....or, any intimate relationship, for that matter.....issues in conflict have to be discussed openly and honestly......a lot......
Otherwise, resentments just grow and fester.......
Have you all ever discussed this between the two of you?
dandylion
In a marriage....or, any intimate relationship, for that matter.....issues in conflict have to be discussed openly and honestly......a lot......
Otherwise, resentments just grow and fester.......
Have you all ever discussed this between the two of you?
dandylion
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Yes I saw the movie fireproof and war room and most of the Christian movies...so do you think he doesn't have a true relationship? Or do you think it's temptation?
Thank you for setting the poster straight about his remarks being offensive!! Yikes!!!
Insensitive...
Dandelion yes we talked about it and thus the confession...
I just really thought he was done with that since he was drinking then and in a different church...
I really think he's incapable of really being authentic with anyone even God ...
Thank you for setting the poster straight about his remarks being offensive!! Yikes!!!
Insensitive...
Dandelion yes we talked about it and thus the confession...
I just really thought he was done with that since he was drinking then and in a different church...
I really think he's incapable of really being authentic with anyone even God ...
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Sex is a very strong drive in humans, mainly men, and if you want to get religious (I'm not), I suppose you could say this is how God made them. Couple that with the easy availability of porn, and you have a bad situation.
I say bad, because porn is made for men, by men, and portrays women as male fantasies, not people. It can completely distort men's thinking about what makes a loving sexual partnership. I feel sorry for young women growing up with a whole generation of boys who have distorted ideas about sex.
From your previous posts I gather your H uses religion as a refuge when he's faced with the difficult parts of life. In his mind, maybe watching porn is an outlet when he's feeling frustrated, and not as bad as cheating on you. Porn, pills and religion release some of the tension of life.
Possibly he'll always look for ways to deal with anxiety until he gets treatment for the anxiety itself. Maybe he doesn't understand this?
I say bad, because porn is made for men, by men, and portrays women as male fantasies, not people. It can completely distort men's thinking about what makes a loving sexual partnership. I feel sorry for young women growing up with a whole generation of boys who have distorted ideas about sex.
From your previous posts I gather your H uses religion as a refuge when he's faced with the difficult parts of life. In his mind, maybe watching porn is an outlet when he's feeling frustrated, and not as bad as cheating on you. Porn, pills and religion release some of the tension of life.
Possibly he'll always look for ways to deal with anxiety until he gets treatment for the anxiety itself. Maybe he doesn't understand this?
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People change - I don't think taking the person you met when you married - which I assume is many years ago - and applying that person to the man now works.
I personally don't see viewing adult porn as a sin, but that's just me. I don't think it makes your husband any less Christian. If he has an addiction to it that is a problem and different issue. Clearly, you have a problem with it, and he has an issues with the guilt of it. Your husband sounds very conflicted to me. He has had issues with alcoholism and pills, and now you are finding out porn. He seems to want to project a look of who he is, while internally battling himself over what's ok and not ok.
I guess I have a more progressive view of what a Christian is which is not reflective of the fundamentalist system I was raised in. I think marriage counseling would really be helpful for both of you to sort through this. It really sounds like your husband needs to define himself to himself, rather than put on his church clothes for appearances then have a secret life on the other side.
I personally don't see viewing adult porn as a sin, but that's just me. I don't think it makes your husband any less Christian. If he has an addiction to it that is a problem and different issue. Clearly, you have a problem with it, and he has an issues with the guilt of it. Your husband sounds very conflicted to me. He has had issues with alcoholism and pills, and now you are finding out porn. He seems to want to project a look of who he is, while internally battling himself over what's ok and not ok.
I guess I have a more progressive view of what a Christian is which is not reflective of the fundamentalist system I was raised in. I think marriage counseling would really be helpful for both of you to sort through this. It really sounds like your husband needs to define himself to himself, rather than put on his church clothes for appearances then have a secret life on the other side.
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Bluehawaii.....as I recall, you indicated that you and your husband have ben in counseling with many different counselors, over the years....
I wonder if the conflict between you two has ever been addressed in that context?
dandylion
I wonder if the conflict between you two has ever been addressed in that context?
dandylion
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We all sin. And sin is sin. My lie isn't a lesser sin than his pornography viewing. It's an addiction seen all too often in recovery groups and most difficult to stop. Filters on computers, phones and other devices, where only you have the password can help,but he has to be willing and cooperative.
Keep praying for him...
Keep praying for him...
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In the Biblical context porn is seen just like adultery-bc it involved listing after a woman ( or man) that is not your spouse. Men (a lot of addicts ) use it as another escape from reality, which is negative and needs to be addressed ( like the other poster said, anxiety? Another issue?) yes, we all sin-but when our sin is called out we are to sin no more. My humble view.
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I have copied you the link to a very interesting article on this subject.
Interestingly during a major Survey recently the same number of Christian men as non christian men admit to watching porn ....around 65 percent.
My personal view is that it is not a sin. It is actually acting on human nature. And don't foget a lot of women watch it too! When it is a problem is when it becomes addictive, obsessive and interferes with every day life. That is when it becomes "wrong".
Your husband sounds like a good man. If you happy in your relationship together apart from this issue then personally I would not obsess about it other than to say you expect him to be discrete at all times and it is not something that you personally ever want to be faced with on his I pad etc.
PS The link won't copy sorry. It was an article in the Washington Times called Christien Men and Porn if you want to look it up.
Interestingly during a major Survey recently the same number of Christian men as non christian men admit to watching porn ....around 65 percent.
My personal view is that it is not a sin. It is actually acting on human nature. And don't foget a lot of women watch it too! When it is a problem is when it becomes addictive, obsessive and interferes with every day life. That is when it becomes "wrong".
Your husband sounds like a good man. If you happy in your relationship together apart from this issue then personally I would not obsess about it other than to say you expect him to be discrete at all times and it is not something that you personally ever want to be faced with on his I pad etc.
PS The link won't copy sorry. It was an article in the Washington Times called Christien Men and Porn if you want to look it up.
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