I find out next week.....

Old 01-15-2016, 07:30 PM
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I find out next week.....

....exactly what his plea deal is. I have been trying to get in contact with the State's Attrny office for the past month. The attorney on my case was on her honeymoon so they wanted to wait until she came back to contact me with exactly what is going on. She is back this week so I called and they told me they would call me with a time when she would be available to talk about the plea. The exah has court on the 20th and I have no clue what the plea is. I seriously doubt that he will be getting out on the 20th (last I heard it was 3 years in and 5 probation) but I don't know. I mean, I'm 99.9% sure that he isn't getting out anytime soon, but that .1% is a little worrisome. 7 long months of waiting for this conviction so I can really move forward with things. I am waiting for that sense of closure that will (hopefully) come with it.

On a different note, I went through a very eye opening experience this week. Someone I know is in a very similar situation to what I went through. She sent me a video of her husband in the middle of a 3 day bender and I got about 30 seconds in and couldn't watch it. It was waaayyyyy to close to home and took me to a really bad place. Later that night, stuff went sideways and she called me terrified of what he was doing. It was like looking at my life from the outside. Literally. It was terrifying and really made me realize what I had gone through and just how sickeningly awful it was. All I could do was be there verbally, tell her that it wasn't her fault, give her the link for this wonderful resource, and let her know we are all here for her.

The ex hasn't called since right before Thanksgiving. He is no longer allowed (or doesn't want to) even call to talk to his daughter. He was trying to talk to me to tell me that I still could change my mind about moving forward with everything...that we could still handle this between the two of us. I told him again that I wasn't going to lie and not go to the deposition and the last words he said were "I guess all that is left to do is sign the papers" I told him he could call his daughter later on in the week and hung up on him. I am ok with this. She is also ok with this. She graduated from therapy this week. She is going well on her ADHD meds (we are still working out the bugs on that one). My son is getting into the things he loves again and we are all getting busy living.

Speaking of which, I am tentatively seeing someone new. He lives out of state and we have actually known each other for 20 years. He is the polar opposite of my ex (guitar playing meditating vegetarian who abhors violence in any form). He knows what I have been through and neither of us were looking for anything when we starting talking. The fact he lives so far away is perfect because that means I can't fall back on my old co-dependent ways. Still have to do for myself and my kids and can't invest all of my heart in him. At the start of it he was taking up all of my headspace and it made me take a pause and examine the reasons why. I have spent a lot of the past few months working on me and getting myself healthy again. I am in no rush to fall head long in to something right now....but it is nice to have someone to talk to a few time a week and feel a little giddy over.

I'm glad to mentally be in a place to be back on the boards again. I needed to take a break because I realized I kept unpacking and living in the past and kind of obsessing over trying to understand this disease. Needed to unplug a bit and go outside and breathe in some light and air. Needed to shed that anger that I was living in all the time and just kind of let everything go (I still have a little bit of if there, but I think that is just something Im gonna hold on to a little longer until I am truly free from my ex...it reminds me of what I have been through and will keep me from going back to it, if that makes sense).

Gah...and this was supposed to be a short post.
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Old 01-15-2016, 08:04 PM
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hexx, what you wrote was really beautiful. It shows how much you have gone through, but you kept going.

I'll be putting in my prayers for that court hearing for you.

Thank you for coming back and telling your story.

((((((many hugs for you and your children))))))))))
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Old 01-15-2016, 08:05 PM
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Great to hear from you, Hexx!
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Old 01-16-2016, 01:04 AM
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hexx, have you called your advocate? As I recall, you were working with one. This is one of the things your advocate can do for you--nag the prosecutor to let you know what's going on. In fact, the advocate should be in a position to find out FOR you and explain it to you.

Glad to hear everything else is going well!
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Old 01-16-2016, 04:34 AM
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Welcome Back Hexx!
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Old 01-16-2016, 02:27 PM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
hexx, have you called your advocate? As I recall, you were working with one. This is one of the things your advocate can do for you--nag the prosecutor to let you know what's going on. In fact, the advocate should be in a position to find out FOR you and explain it to you.

Glad to hear everything else is going well!
That is actually who I have been talking to. When I first called her she set up a time for me to call her back for info (like a week later). She didn't call at the appointed time so I called her only to be told that I would have to wait a month until the SA came back since she couldn't tell me what the deal was and she would prefer not to have to have another attorney read the info in case I had questions. They were supposed to call me this week to set up that appointment and never did, so I called them. Same story...I'll get with the SA and have them call you with the information....still waiting. Maybe Monday (hopefully), if not I guess I will find out on the 20th either via the Clerk of the Court website or if he shows up at my door.
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