healthyagain

Well, it finally happened. My ex got so sick this morning that a person from work took him to hospital. He wanted me to get the car because he left it at the parking lot. That is how I found out.

I could not not to go and visit him. He was already all fixed before I got there and he was all freaked out. They have not told him what was wrong, but he was mentioning how his heart and pancreas were bad. I guess he was so anxious that they had to sedate him.

I am glad that he got himself there and that he is in doctors' hands now. I went through hell with him, but I do not want him to be hurt or suffer. But this was inevitable. how many times have I only begged him to start taking care of his health. But nope.

So, I will be praying for him. That it is nothing too serious, and that this is going to be his turning point.

And this happened not even 4 months after divorce.

Liveitwell

Oh friend-praying for him, too!! I'm glad you are taking care of yourself. Good for you. I know what you feel like-I do not want anything bad to happen to my ex at all-I hope he finds true redemption and freedom from his demons-but I also choose to not ever again be a part of his life. I'm hoping this is your exs bottom.
Peace to you

healthyagain

It was much easier for me to handle everything. I must admit. I was able to control myself. But it just makes me shudder, thinking just a year ago we were together, and now he is alone in that hospital, lost his wife, lost his health, and hopefully he does not get into job and money troubles (but we know how that works, don't we?). I am glad I got off that train, but I still feel so bad for him. It does make me very sad. He used to be my husband once. It is just this strange, creepy feeling.

Liveitwell

^ I know the feeling....and it means you are a strong, compassionate loving person. Praying for you tonight.

SeriousKarma

I'll be keeping you both in my prayers as well. Just because we're divorced doesn't mean we don't feel anything.

I would imagine that this is very hard for you.

JLOBYXMAS

Healthyagain, I so feel your pain. My AH (actually AXH as of a week ago) had 40+ hospitalizations in the 5 years we were married all alcohol related. The first couple years I was his advocate and cheerleader hoping against hope that this would be his wake up call, it didn't happen. And now 5 years later his health is atrocious, and it sounds as if his last bender caused even more damage to an already destroyed liver. It breaks my heart that I can't be there to advocate for him, to hold his hand and tell him it will be ok, to encourage him to be better, but then I remember that all the times that I did do that had no effect whatsoever, if anything it just enabled him more to not see the reality of his situation.
I pray that this is your AXH wake up call, once the hospitalizations start it is a slippery slope and can deteriorate really quickly.
I pray for your strength as well, you didn't do this, you can't fix it.

Praying

Sending you both prayers...

hopeful4

Honey, he was alone in the hospital because of his own bad choices. I don't want anything to happen to my XAH, but it will. It's like watching a train wreck, not a good experience.

Many hugs to you. Stay strong, you are doing the right thing. Pray for him. That's all you can do.

healthyagain

Thank you! I so appreciate your support and the words that keep me sane.

He is doing ok, not released yet. They are still doing some tests, so . . . He got so many infusions and I guess they kept giving him potassium. I have this thing about sick people, I mean visibly sick who end up in hospitals. My mom had cancer for 9 years, so I think I just slipped into the same mode, when I was rushing to the hospital to see her. It was automatic.

I did not feel much connection to him though, I feel that there is a barrier between us, almost like an invisible wall. And I did not get hysterical, but I do want him to feel better soon and learn his lesson, because he soooo hates needles and hospitals and doctors. If this does not wake him up, I have no idea what will.

SparkleKitty

Try to maintain realistic expectations about this being a "wake up call". Hugs to you.

healthyagain

Well, I just hope that he will. For himself. I mean, I did divorce him because I saw no change and hope for us and this is what I expected to happen. Maybe not so soon, but he was getting yellowish and there was this very bad body odor this summer. But he is in doctors' hands now. I know for a fact that there is nothing I can do.

Liveitwell

Friend-my ex was supposedly in the hospital a few weeks ago bc of a seizure. I don't even know if I believe it with all his lies he's told BUT if it was true I certainly feel for him-only he can change his life. And I cannot and will not stand by and support him getting better, etc or encouraging-I did that for years and years and he just bit my arm off., threw me under the bus to anyone he could and abused more....I know how you feel! I agree with others about managing your expectations that this is going to be the moment that changes him-I have thought that for years about my ex and while we were married-I don't think he is ever going to change but I do pray for him and pray God helps him. Pray that for your ex and stay strong.

AnonWife

My prayers for him.
You appear to be handling it, and your compassion is wonderful.

healthyagain

He got released today. I do not know exactly what was the issue, really did not bother to find out. Don't know the diagnosis, do not know the drug names, nothing. And I am ok with that. I am glad that there is no the codependent itch to inspect and know it all.

Jamming to some music now kinda feeling proud of myself.

Liveitwell

^ good for YoU!

Lilro

As you should Healthy...as you should...

CodeJob

You did really well. Prayers for you and your X.

SeriousKarma

I think this is what many of us (at least those of us who have divorced our alcoholics) are aiming for. Not to stop caring, but to stop being hung up on every last detail.

The ability to hand their lives back over to them is a process. You have every reason to be proud of yourself. Jam on, honey.

AnvilheadII

If this does not wake him up, I have no idea what will.

sadly, for many alcoholic/addicts who pull thru those near death experiences, it confirms their "belief" that its just not that big a deal and they carry on.