noneever

Same old story. Vow never to drink again. End up drinking.

I'm so disgusted with myself. I managed 5 days last week with no alcohol and then on Monday I drank and gambled away what little money I had.

Managed to get some money yesterday and what do I do? Spend it on alcohol and cigarettes.

I was attempting to quit cigs at the same time as alcohol but I think it's too much for me at the moment.

I don't even know what I'm saying except that here I am again at Day 1. So tired of binge drinking 2-3 times a week. Really scared I can't do this.

least

Welcome to the family. You can get sober, but you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink.

biminiblue

You can do it. Anyone can.

Stick around here and keep reading - there are a lot of success stories and ideas of how to stick with your plan to not drink. I'd start with not beating yourself up too much. Make this your last Day One.

Ghostlight1

Welcome to the forums.
I was afraid I couldn't quit, either. Really afraid when things really started to get bad.
I drank my way through about everything. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to quit for a month. I was a stone cold drunk.
After finally giving in, I went to AA. There were people there like me who were successfully not drinking. I still drank, of course, but a bug had bee planted in my ear. And drinking was never the same.

Then I found out I didn't have to quit for a month. I only had to not drink for one day. Then, repeat. I found I could do that. Just one day.
I've put together over five years now of those one days. I can't guaranty what will happen tomorrow, but today I will not drink. And if I don't, I won't get drunk.
I went through what you're going through for many years. And I was near hopeless.

It can be done and you've made a great start already. It took me a long time.
Now it's time for action. There are ways out. You are not doomed to a life of drink.
You'll find a lot of support here, so stick around.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Noneever!!

For me I needed a plan and some daily support to make it work, doing things on my own willpower and hoping never got me far, the reason being my mind was addicted, and so in isolation with no second opinion on things there was only going to be one outcome.

You'll find loads of support here on SR to help out!!

ALinNS

I find those without a plan in place really struggle to stay sober, it's like our road map to recovery, do/did you have a plan in place?

noneever

I do have a plan, that's why I'm scared! I've been journaling almost daily (although interestingly the two days I lapsed in the last week I hadn't journaled) and have been reading threads on SR.

I've also written out a trigger plan, which I didn't refer to before I drank. I've written a list of all of the things I won't miss about drinking.

During the days I didn't drink I urged surfed and just 'sat' with the emotions and thoughts until the urge passed.

I'm fine on the days I have my kids (divorced and do 50:50 shared care), but on the days without them I become very lonely and feel dreadful that I am seperated from them. So I drink.

Fabat50

My situation is identical to your own. I have my children every other week and although I always drank, I drank myself into oblivion the week I was on my own.
But you know what, I have only been sober just over 2 months and I know and feel that I am a now a better Mum all round. And not only do I know in myself, my children feel it and tell me.

So here's the thing. We can feel guilty about being seperated from our childrens parent and male it worse by being a drunk at the same time. Or we can be a sober divorced parent and give our kids everything they deserve ie a healthy, sober, stable all round great Mum or Dad.

I keep telling myself that everytime that urge comes. I also have a picture of their 3 amazing faces to hand and I grab it and stare at them everytime I want a drink to remind myself how innocent they are and how much they deserve a sober Mum.

You can do it!!!!! Like you I had many many stops and starts in the early weeks but if you can see it through those first couple of weeks you really do get on a roll! Promise.

Keep us posted!

SoberinSyracuse

Sounds like you have a good start on your plan, but it could be strengthened.

First, you obviously need a sub-plan for how you deal with the heartache during those times you're away from your children.

Second, in addition to a trigger resistance plan, it sounds like you could use a plan for what to do once a relapse starts. Better to slip with one drink, than with 30.

Hevyn

Nonever - welcome. I stopped after 30 yrs. I know you can do this. Please stay with us and keep posting.

Dee74

Welcome nonever

My advice is to think about how to stay sober now - not just filling your life up with things to do and be occupied with, but finding support and using it, and making changes that reflect your desire to be sober

any ideas?

D

Nuudawn

I could insert a whole myriad of prefixes before that statement... I'm bored...so I drink. I'm lonely...so I drink. I'm angry...so I drink. I'm happy....so I drink.

It is only in sobriety that I realize my problem is not knowing how to live through the everyday, day after day....sober. What do all those sober folks do to....celebrate or kill boredom or fill the empty spaces or alter their discomfort or make socializing easier?

We only learn by doing and going through noneever..... and I find taking small daily bites of sobriety....getting through the moments a lot easier to swallow than thinking bout "noneever"....that thought likes to laugh right in my face and I need only worry but each day as it comes....that's tough enough.

JohnQPublic

Dear Nonever, I am sorry for your pain and struggles. Instead of making the huge statement that you will NEVER do something again, just try for tomorrow. See how that goes. What went right? What went wrong? Then take that data to the next day. Don't hang a huge weight over your head about what your whole life will be. Best wishes John

noneever

Thank you for the words of encouragement.

I got through yesterday successfully and I'm full steam ahead today. I know I won't drink over the weekend- it's Mon/ tues/ wed that are my danger days.

I'm going to reflect on some strategies I can use on those days next week, keep checking in here daily and stick to my 'one day at a time' mantra (which does seem at odds with AVRT and the big plan, but whatever gets me through, right?).

chrcarlson

noneever, my drinking pattern was similar to your for over 30 years. It's tough for me to think about not drinking for the rest of my life. I have to stick with not drinking today or if it's late at night not drinking tomorrow.

If I think about two years from now I usually have little thoughts of beer. I stop it and think, "I'm not going to drink today."

I was going to post 36 days sober but I just counted 38. Every day a new record. And I'm not going to drink today.

teatreeoil007

You can totally knock it out of the ballpark man... Chuck that fear ... Step up to the plate and hit that sucker !! You've got this..

doggonecarl

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