SaturnRules

I desperately want to stop drinking. I am a fully functioning alcoholic who has been drinking everyday for at least two years straight.

I hate myself when I give in and go to buy my booze. On the outside, you'd never know I needed to drink everyday. In the morning when I wake up, at lunch, when I get home from work. I hide my drinking from my husband and go to great lengths to dispose of my bottles. It's not healthy... I do not feel well at all.

There is a bottle of Perseco in the fridge leftover from Christmas and I'm having the damndest time... I'm crying. So I decided to come here. I just want to be understood and not judged. I don't know where to start...

I need so much strength right now!!

bluedog97

No judgement here, we understand. Glad you're here!

SaturnRules

Thank you. That's the most honest I have been with myself in quite some time. .. Not easy!

Cara39

Hey Saturnrules and welcome! You've made a great first step. Keep visiting, I've just got 5 days but find it so helpful here, you'll get alot of support .

Delilah1

Welcome To SR! You will find lots of support here.:-) You may want to give the Proseco away, it is difficult to have it in the house.

Bunny211

Welcome! You sound a lot like me. I was a daily drinker and for the longest time no one knew. Then things got even worse for me and I gave up the bottle. I suggest an AA meeting. I really love the fellowship and I was amazed to hear so many people tell EXACTLY my story. I could relate to all of them. Keep posting about how you feel....nothing is a "dumb question." Everyone here is really supportive!

CarrieBradshaw

Welcome! You've come to the right place. I've been here less than 2 weeks but feel as if I've known these people my entire life. We know what you're going through. Hang in there!

IronPhoenix

Welcome Saturn! Lots of support here. Post here often if it will help you stay accountable. Do you have a plan in mind to help you stop drinking?

loulou1981

Welcome saturnrules.....u won't b judged here, we're all in similar boats. Have u tried to stay sober b4?? Would ur husband offer support??
I tried to give up numerous times, it wasn't until the extent of my secret drinking was revealed that i really decided it was enough. I HAD to change, come back & continue to post, it helps alot, id b staggering around like a drunk **** if it wasn't for this site & the great support from everyone

least

Come here and post often, especially if you want to drink. I hope the awesome support here can help you get sober for good.

Dee74

Dump the proseco, pull up a chair and start reading and posting SaturnRules

D

BixBees505

Agree with all the above. Dee summed it up!

Zebra1275

Welcome back!

I see that you joined this website a long time ago. You need to log on, read, and post a lot more frequently if you hope to use this website as one of your recovery tools.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum SaturnRules!!

Hevyn

Very glad to meet you, SaturnRules. It really helps to be able to talk about what you're going through. My anxiety was much less after I joined SR - I knew I was among people who understood. You can reclaim your life.

Dharma33

Hi, Saturn-

I'm glad you are here. I have to agree with Dee; pour out the alcohol without a second thought and start your sober journey right here and now. If you spend a good amount of time reading around SR, you will certainly find you are not alone; and you can quit and have an amazing life.

Take it hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to. Today is a great day to be sober.

Hawkeye13

Admitting it to yourself, writing it down here, is a fantastic start to make a change Saturn.

You can turn it around one small step at a time.
First step, as others have said, is to dump the booze in the house,
Next, start reading on the site to learn more about addiction,
and begin framing a plan to quit for good.

You can do it--many of us here were secret and / or daily drinkers and worse.
You can beat it if you are truly ready to quit and give it your all.
Welcome to the site.

SoberinSyracuse

Hi, Saturn! I see you joined over a decade ago and only have three posts. So, am I correct that you've wanted to quit for a very long time?

I think you have to take decisive action and not just flirt with the idea. If your husband is a supportive person, tell him about this problem and ask if it would be okay to not have alcohol in the house for a while. Or at least, only what he plans to drink that night.

And then, get involved in a support group like AA, or Women for Sobriety, or a church recovery group.

And then, start making a plan for how you're going to reduce and defeat urges to drink.

I've struggled for years myself, and it is only by making a HUGE effort that I am beginning to make progress. Part-time efforts and wishful thinking got me nowhere, and believe me, I did that for decades. Ratchet up posting and reading here. It helps so much!

JohnQPublic

Many of us do know exactly how you feel. You are not alone. This can be managed but rarely on your own. Get help here or anywhere else you can. We are supporting you. John

SaturnRules

Wow... just... OMG, wow. I am touched by the response here. Amazed actually.

I made it. One day. And purpously kept myself so busy so I would not think about booze.

To answer some questions that I joined years ago... I joined because I was involved with someone who was a heroin addict and I found great support... And here I am, an addict myself looking for support.. go figure, that guy ruined my life, and here I am, hypocrite, ruining my own..

I wont lie. I am incredibly anxious, I have no plan. It's like I just want to STOP thinking about having a drink. I put my all into work, taking care of my son/household, and now I'm just trying to get through this sucky feeling to see the morning and do it all over again.

I DID open up to my husband months ago. I don't know if he ever thinks I still drink unbeknownst to him. But I think I "pull it off" so well, that he doesn't blink an eye. I work full time, I maintain our household, I care for our 3 year old son.

I WILL keep posting and coming here... I need to