story74

I have been dealing with my addict since 2011. He has cheated, disappeared (longest for a year and half) and of course, nothing is his fault and he is not on drugs.

For those of you who have been dealing with addiction for years and are experienced, do you ever just get to the point where you just can't take it anymore?

I have tried so hard to be positive and upbeat and handle everything fairly. The hardest part is having a child, and the legal issues, and ALL the emotional issues, I do everything. I am the mediator btwn his family and my son, btwn him and my son. I am the one paying for counseling. I am the one answering my sons questions. I am the one depressed during the holiday season because we are divorced and everyone feels things should change during the holiday. We have all these obligations with people we never see during the year...just because it is the holidays. Next year WILL be different.

I am starting to feel that I can't take it anymore. Honestly, I have set some pretty awesome boundries. I have taken care of myself, too, the best I can. I have tried SOOOOO hard to be positive and make the best out of every situation, and I am just fried. I am sick of it. the problem is, I am sick of being the fair person...the adult. I want to do what he does. I want to cancel whenever I feel like it. I what to tell him to get lost and never see him again, I want to tell his family to get lost. I want to be able to have plans for the weekend without considering him and his supervised visits he can barely manage to make. I am sick of him pretending he is on the up and up and his family acting like nothing is wrong...ALL the while I have been raising my son by myself since he was 2.

I get no thank you. I get **** on and judged by everyone. In fact, I make it look easy so it is easier to poop on me and judge me.

I saw my lawyer. He said there isn't much I can do. I can court order a drug test and make an all out war. I don't have any money. I actually downsized so I can save and buy a home. I don't and can't spend thousands of dollars to fight this. I have full custody. Besides, my son actually likes seeing him for 2 hours a week. I can't take that away just because I'm sick of it.

But, boy, I am so sick of it. I feel like I'm sick of being positive and upbeat and that bums me out. Maybe it is just the post holiday blues. Maybe it is just a growing spurt. Maybe I need to learn from what I am feeling and going through and I will be one step further into the healing process. And, I have been feeling weird ever since I turned 41...so maybe it is hormones. Or maybe I am just human and need a hug.

Whatever it is I hope I find my positive attitude again. I know I will.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

zoso77

It sounds like you're pretty grounded to me.

Several years ago, I was going through a very difficult time in my life. And there was a friend of mine who knew I was struggling and hadn't seen me in a while. She saw me, approached me, and hugged me incredibly tight. Man, did that make a difference...feeling connected to someone, just for a moment, so I knew that I wasn't alone. So, yes, you're human, and yes, you need a hug.

A word of caution: just because your son likes seeing his father does not necessarily mean seeing his father is good for him. I know you know this, story, but be on guard and believe what your eyes are telling you. For they ain't lyin'...

Ann

Story, do you have any support for yourself in place? Meetings have helped me and so many here find their balance and deal with life on life's terms. Having this support and learning from the experience of others, gave me the courage to do what I needed to do to take care of myself.

You have reached your "enough" point. You can set boundaries that will protect you from being taken advantage of by everyone. Keep track of any missed visitations, it may come in handy one day when you don't want to subject your child to the disappointment of daddy not showing up. And you can set boundaries with family and friends, what it is okay to discuss with you and what is not.

You can do it, I hear the exhaustion in your post but that's why support is good. Others who have been where you are can help you manage through all this.

Hugs

AnonWife

I think your human and you need a big hug.
Its a lot being a single mom, accepting that past relationship, and still negotiating around him. But you sound like a good mom and your son is lucky you put his needs first.

Do you have any time for yourself? This year Im trying to break out of my mommy mold a littl more and do things for myself. Im doing yoga again, eating better, and trying to put myself out there more. Its making me feel more optimistic.

JOIE12

story74 .... we have all felt this way. I wish I could say that it would end soon but since I'm farther down the road, I can say that it does - eventually. I tried to think of it as an investment in my girls futures. Everything that I gave or gave up for them, is felt within. They know what a tenacious mom I was and still am. They know that I have loved them more than anything or anyone in this world.

You will experience this many many years from now. Your son may not remember everything but he will know how you make him feel. He will know your heart and your love. That is worth everything. He will become the kind of man that you will help teach him to be.

It won't make this path easy ... but far sweeter than other choices.

I remember with each daughter .. working each day to teach them to tie their shoes as they came to that age. The time and patience ... well, it never worked out. Their father would come home from work, once with each child and show them a different way and omgosh ... they tied their shoes from then on. I was in tears. And you know what ? they don't remember that. They don't remember learning to tie their shoes. They don't remember that their father was 'the one'. And that's ok, cause I needed to remind myself that some things are just how they are. To accept and move forward. What was important was the one who was there for them every single day, doing her best to provide a good life and a warm hug.

I remember the free pizza coupons that they would get for reading so many books each month. We would go to Pizza Hut with those coupons, they would share one small piece of their pizza's with me so that I had food and I would splurge for a pitcher of soda since it was cheaper than 3 glasses plus tax and tip. They remember those moments like they were gold. They have given me back more love than I could ever have dreamed of.

Thru our post divorce years, I felt as you do. His girlfriend told his side of the family - so many lies. We were alienated. She told his friends lies. We were alienated. He never bought them a hamburger. I was the one who taught them to drive. To struggle to help them find a good car for college and paid those bills too. Drove them to their move in day. And move out day. I struggled with bills and food and no child support for 3 years. Insurance. Clothes. There for every sickness, broken bone, stitches, dental appt.

And they know it. That's what matters.

Please think about doing for yourself a little too. Meetings were a respite for me. Talking to people who understand. Not feeling alone. We are here for you. You are never alone. Sending you some hugs from one mama to another. Be kind to yourself, he needs you. Joie