Angry, Lonely and Tired
Angry, Lonely and Tired
I am not having the best of days. Day 4 and angry with myself.
I realize that I've got three of the big four (HALT) going on. There is just not much I can do about it right now. In the absence of liquor or dope, my AV is telling me that spending money will make everything better.
But, I know better.
I am just trying to kill time. I have an appointment with a sensory deprivation chamber in a little bit. This is a new thing to me, and I am hoping it helps me relax (makes my back relax) and meditate. After that, I really do not know. Maybe I could sleep the afternoon away.
To which my AV responds, "Why don't you just sleep your whole life away. Might as well. This void is all that's left for you now."
That b*tch is just relentless this morning. But, she's lying, right?
I realize that I've got three of the big four (HALT) going on. There is just not much I can do about it right now. In the absence of liquor or dope, my AV is telling me that spending money will make everything better.
But, I know better.
I am just trying to kill time. I have an appointment with a sensory deprivation chamber in a little bit. This is a new thing to me, and I am hoping it helps me relax (makes my back relax) and meditate. After that, I really do not know. Maybe I could sleep the afternoon away.
To which my AV responds, "Why don't you just sleep your whole life away. Might as well. This void is all that's left for you now."
That b*tch is just relentless this morning. But, she's lying, right?
Is the AV lying? Of course it is! That is what it does, that is all it can do. If you have decided to make that choice of permanent sobriety, then the AV is lies, all lies.
I think of it as some slimy pitch salesman who has just been publicly outed as a liar and a fraud. I am immune to the sales pitch now simply because I know the source. Should I listen to this idea at all? NOPENOPENOPE - it's AV! Done. We don't need to fight it, just recognize it for what it is.
I hope you get great satisfaction when you look back on today. This is powerful, no doubt about it. Well done.
I think of it as some slimy pitch salesman who has just been publicly outed as a liar and a fraud. I am immune to the sales pitch now simply because I know the source. Should I listen to this idea at all? NOPENOPENOPE - it's AV! Done. We don't need to fight it, just recognize it for what it is.
I hope you get great satisfaction when you look back on today. This is powerful, no doubt about it. Well done.
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