manicpanic15

It has been awhile. Quick backstory: AH, 2 kids, we are currently doing an in house separation. He was on nights, during which time I discovered he was taking pics of man bits and messaging other women he met online while at work (and telling me he was far too busy to text me/return my texts). This is the not the first time I've caught him in inappropriate behavior altho it had been about 4 years since the last time. I found out the truth in bits and pieces. That 1st time he swore up and down on his children that it was a mid life crisis, one time only thing that he now realizes how much I truly meant to him, that he needed to go through that to REALLY know how much he loved me. (Puke, I bought it all and put my trust back in him).

He was laid off for a month and during that time he made it pure misery on me. I work and he would stay up ALL night long (til 3 or 4 am) being loud, turning on lights in the room I'm sleeping in then getting red rage mad at ME for being mad at him for waking me up. Calling me ridiculous, too angry all the time. It finally calmed down once he went back to work and had to be up early.

Now he is getting laid off again this week. I'm worried its going to be like it was so I'm mentally preparing myself for the next step of asking him to leave. I brought it up when he said he was getting laid off - I said I cannot go through you keeping me up all night drunk. He said he will start getting high on pot (His fave vice) instead of drinking as much which makes him more tolerable. That upsets too because he is in the skilled trade so he will have to get drug tested to get a job. What if it prevents him from getting a job? I can't fathom financially supporting this lying cheating drug user. I just don't think I can do this anymore. I'm so upset, so scared. So scared of being forced by the courts in leaving my kids alone with someone who gets high and drinks so much/gets angry so easily. I wish there was an easy way out of this. I'm beyond depressed right now, I feel trapped and suffocated in this situation. I want out MORE THAN ANYHTHING but feel frozen with fear on what will happen to my kids.

Thanks for listening...

SparkleKitty

Oh dear, MP, this situation does not sound sustainable. Have you discussed your options with a lawyer? Try not to catastrophize about outcomes until you really know what you can and can't do to protect yourself and your kids. Sadly I don't think they are any better off in your current arrangement with his behavior being what it is.

dandylion

mp.....the most useful thing that you can do, right now, is to start getting information.....find out all of your legal rights....
Find out what it takes to get him out of the house.....
Knowledge is power....

there are many women who have been in your situation....and, have successfully made it out....successfully.....
There are options for you...even if you don't know them now....

I divorced my husband with three small children. I have never regretted that decision.....

dandylion

norashepard

This all sounds like such a nightmare -- it doesn't have to be this way. Please talk to a lawyer. Talking to a lawyer doesn't mean you have to go through with anything, but maybe it will assuage your fears about the custody issues and encourage you to take the next step. It sounds like many here have legal custodial agreements that require sobriety tests. And also, while worries about their (future) physical safety are understandable, consider the psycho-emotional damage you risk them by remaining in a toxic holding pattern while they grow up, mature, form their identities. All the best to you.

NYCDoglvr

I'm so sorry, it sounds unbearable. As mentioned above, it's best to stop projecting and focus on what you can do today. Have you consulted a lawyer? It sounds like it's the right time. A big hug.

FeelingGreat

Hi MP, it sounds like you think of it as a separation while for him it's business as usual. For instance, why are you supporting him?
First up, get a lock on your bedroom door, even a latch, to stop him coming in at will.
See if you can get him out of the house legally, but if not, at least make certain you do nothing for him like cooking, washing or anything else that a true separation would prevent.

Good luck, or more correctly, make your own luck.

maia1234

Mp, it really has to be a perfect storm before we make changes in our life. You know what is going to happen , you are already for seeing it. You can make changes.

First visits to attorneys are free. Reach out and find your rights. You don't have to put up with his abuse any longer, but it will only change when you change.

Educate yourself to your rights. There are so many on this forum who could no longer take it any longer (I lasted 34 years) don't be like me. You are a warrior and you can do anything you set your mind out to do, protect your children. We are here for you, now go and do what you want to do!!!!

Hugs my friend, 2016 will be an awesome year!!