Hercules

Iam 11 days sober the longest I have been for along time but Iam so raw and full of fear and it makes me want to drink.

The biggest fear is that during my chronic binge drinking days and bad decisions I have now got an incurable disease and Iam dying.. I have no evidence to back this up but my mind keeps telling me this and then a drink sounds like a good idea again. I know it sounds mad but it's what Iam dealing with at the moment!

So my point is Iam not physically craving a drink but psychologically Iam to stop the worry and fear, even tho i know the drink has all the worry!

least

11 days sober is good, but still early in recovery. Give yourself more time to get used to being sober and for your emotions to stop bouncing around. And if you're really worried, make an appt with your doctor for a thorough checkup. That should put your mind at ease.

teatreeoil007

Worry is totally understandable. Just remember that drinking to cope with worry about your health will induce only a temporary perception that "it's okay". When the alcohol wears off, (and it will) you are right back where you started with the worry, but have compounded that worry because you drank more and your worry started with drinking too much.

I don't rightly know for sure where emotions seems to materialize from, often it's with our thoughts/obsessions and one can feel like a washing machine with thoughts and emotions swirling all over the place in early recovery. I remember feeling downright CONFUSED at times. Hang in there....

FLCamper

If it is any comfort, I did the same thing. My Dr. has run plenty of tests on me and all is fine. Actually, for me, just the act of deciding to make the appt then doing so was somehow calming.
Call your Dr. and go get a check up. Put all those fears to rest and enjoy your sobriety.

SoberinSyracuse

I'm going through the same thing. I think alcohol plays certain tricks on our minds, and one of the most common is the feeling of impending doom.

SugarLee1986

The vicious cycle of addiction.. I hate myself for using.. so i use to not feel the hate..
I am Day One (again) today and i'm terrified of failing. All i want to do is use. :/

teatreeoil007

Maybe I'm wrong in this but I don't see it as a 'failure'. I see it more as a weakness and/or an illness. The addicted brain is an injured brain that is in need of HEALING. The brain is an organ in our body. If you broke your leg, you wouldn't feel like you failed, huh? (well, unless you broke your leg because you were drunk and fell).

The enemy of the soul just has a HEYDAY with us about failing and then feeling like a "failure". Do we actually fail at some things? Well, yeah....there are things we attempt and then fail at. That's just part of living life. BUT, that does not mean we are failURES.