emotions and sobriety.
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emotions and sobriety.
my emotions are my trigger big time.
start at 10, now 48, I got together with my first ex went she broke up with me drank to a lot and try to kill myself, well God have other plans , I survive them I raise my 2 kids plus one that have my name but is no my by blood but all my, by love. my best friend worse enemy always with me (alcohol).I met a nice girl in the late 90' but I push her away because my mistress(alcohol) didn't like the competitions.
in 2004 it give it a try to quit drinking in that time I met the love of my life she have 2 kids, well we make it work 8-1/2 years, I went back to drinking and puff lost her. try to kill myself again but God intervene again, now a married woman become my friend went I came to my second meeting in AA she welcome me, a year later we become friends and help me in my sobriety and my emotional sobriety we talk all the time with her husband knowing, she is was a rock in helping with my anger, pride and ego. she pick me up once went I was going to pick up, any way I saw only as a friend but the past 2 months I found out that I felt in love with her and the last Monday I told her, she said that she felt a little the same and for that reasons we can not be friends any more, I admire that for her she put her family first. but for me sucks big time I lost my best friend. and went this happens the only thing I new how to deal with it is drinking and drugging.
I'm hoping that this tread we will help in sharing about emotions and triggers in sobriety and how we can learn to deal with it.
thank you for taking the time to read.
start at 10, now 48, I got together with my first ex went she broke up with me drank to a lot and try to kill myself, well God have other plans , I survive them I raise my 2 kids plus one that have my name but is no my by blood but all my, by love. my best friend worse enemy always with me (alcohol).I met a nice girl in the late 90' but I push her away because my mistress(alcohol) didn't like the competitions.
in 2004 it give it a try to quit drinking in that time I met the love of my life she have 2 kids, well we make it work 8-1/2 years, I went back to drinking and puff lost her. try to kill myself again but God intervene again, now a married woman become my friend went I came to my second meeting in AA she welcome me, a year later we become friends and help me in my sobriety and my emotional sobriety we talk all the time with her husband knowing, she is was a rock in helping with my anger, pride and ego. she pick me up once went I was going to pick up, any way I saw only as a friend but the past 2 months I found out that I felt in love with her and the last Monday I told her, she said that she felt a little the same and for that reasons we can not be friends any more, I admire that for her she put her family first. but for me sucks big time I lost my best friend. and went this happens the only thing I new how to deal with it is drinking and drugging.
I'm hoping that this tread we will help in sharing about emotions and triggers in sobriety and how we can learn to deal with it.
thank you for taking the time to read.
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AnvilheadII
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i've read your posts about this "friend" and what strikes me more than anything is that you seem to CARE about this person as much more than JUST a friend. you have a romantic attachment, you allowed him to BE something MORE to you, to take up a larger space inside of you.
if it was just friends, then the distance and silence wouldn't be THAT big a deal. as it is he has withdrawn from you life, and has shown pretty clearly that he wants nothing more of you, not your time, nor your company. while that is HARSH, the message is at least clear.
you can be done ANY time. you don't NEED anyone else's permission, you can close the door and walk away WHENEVER you wish. without any grand pronouncements. you just do it.
as we move on thru life, there are a lot of people who "used to be" in our rear view mirrors......we don't get to take everyone WITH us.....in this case, he already got off the bus.
I read this some where here, and I think it fit me.
sometimes I think she didn't give it s@#t about our friendship .
AnvilheadII
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i've read your posts about this "friend" and what strikes me more than anything is that you seem to CARE about this person as much more than JUST a friend. you have a romantic attachment, you allowed him to BE something MORE to you, to take up a larger space inside of you.
if it was just friends, then the distance and silence wouldn't be THAT big a deal. as it is he has withdrawn from you life, and has shown pretty clearly that he wants nothing more of you, not your time, nor your company. while that is HARSH, the message is at least clear.
you can be done ANY time. you don't NEED anyone else's permission, you can close the door and walk away WHENEVER you wish. without any grand pronouncements. you just do it.
as we move on thru life, there are a lot of people who "used to be" in our rear view mirrors......we don't get to take everyone WITH us.....in this case, he already got off the bus.
I read this some where here, and I think it fit me.
sometimes I think she didn't give it s@#t about our friendship .
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
erfra, hug.
I am certain this is one reason why they say, "Men with men, women with women," in AA.
I am very careful not to spend any alone time with married people; because I learned that same difficult lesson you are learning when I fell in love with a married man, too.
It is a hard lesson, but you will come out of it stronger. In my case I learned to use appropriate boundaries with people who are married or in relationships.
You'll be okay, and thankfully this is something that can be avoided in the future. Once I went through it I vowed not to touch that fire again.
Guard your heart my friend; so it won't be broken in this particular way again.
I am certain this is one reason why they say, "Men with men, women with women," in AA.
I am very careful not to spend any alone time with married people; because I learned that same difficult lesson you are learning when I fell in love with a married man, too.
It is a hard lesson, but you will come out of it stronger. In my case I learned to use appropriate boundaries with people who are married or in relationships.
You'll be okay, and thankfully this is something that can be avoided in the future. Once I went through it I vowed not to touch that fire again.
Guard your heart my friend; so it won't be broken in this particular way again.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Originally Posted by erfra7 
my emotions are my trigger big time...
I'm hoping that this tread we will help in sharing about emotions and triggers in sobriety and how we can learn to deal with it.
thank you for taking the time to read.
I'm hoping that this tread we will help in sharing about emotions and triggers in sobriety and how we can learn to deal with it.
thank you for taking the time to read.
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
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I've found that without the anæsthetic, my emotions are much more alive, which is great when they are, and awful when they are, too.
It seems to me that a prime task I have on my road is to learn how to deal with my feelings without using alcohol as a damper.
It seems to me that a prime task I have on my road is to learn how to deal with my feelings without using alcohol as a damper.
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Location: Australia
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I'm sorry for the sadness Erfra but I think you and this woman have done the right thing.
I think I've said before you deserve a love that's wholly available - I have every faith that you'll find it
D
I think I've said before you deserve a love that's wholly available - I have every faith that you'll find it
D
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You know I don't care about the romantic or lust part. It took me 46 to find a friend, it took me time for me to sober up to see that I need a friend, and right now lots of my old feelings are coming back . Fear anger, the feeling of not worth it even as a friend.
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Sometimes things end, and often through not fault of our own Erfra.
You have a lot of friends here and are absolutely worthy of having friends in 'real life' too
I hope you find someone you can confide in again really soon.
D
You have a lot of friends here and are absolutely worthy of having friends in 'real life' too
I hope you find someone you can confide in again really soon.
D
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
You'll get through these emotions, erfra. It is always painful when we lose someone we were close to. Keep going to meetings and reach out to other people who are emotionally available. Stay busy and don't keep thinking about her, that is a dangerous place for an alcoholic.
I don't have any close friends either. Hang out here, there are lots of active threads where people will chat with you. Maybe look for a volunteer position out in the world - a hospital, a shelter?
The worst thing I can do when something is bothering me is to dwell on it. I have to stay busy.
I don't have any close friends either. Hang out here, there are lots of active threads where people will chat with you. Maybe look for a volunteer position out in the world - a hospital, a shelter?
The worst thing I can do when something is bothering me is to dwell on it. I have to stay busy.
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Keep on hanging in there Erfra.
One of the things that helps me, is doing some physical activity. Is it possible for you to go walk outside? Sometimes it will bring me some peace just to be outside.
I can relate very much to your feelings. I've also struggled to make friends in the town we've been for over 10 years now, to where I get those feelings of whether I'm worthy of having a friend or if I am a horrible person. I know that I'm not, but I can relate to those feelings since I have them from time to time. The loss of a special friend makes it worse.
You are worthy of having a good friend in real life. It may take time, but you are an amazing and strong individual that I have a huge amount of respect for.
One of the things that helps me, is doing some physical activity. Is it possible for you to go walk outside? Sometimes it will bring me some peace just to be outside.
I can relate very much to your feelings. I've also struggled to make friends in the town we've been for over 10 years now, to where I get those feelings of whether I'm worthy of having a friend or if I am a horrible person. I know that I'm not, but I can relate to those feelings since I have them from time to time. The loss of a special friend makes it worse.
You are worthy of having a good friend in real life. It may take time, but you are an amazing and strong individual that I have a huge amount of respect for.
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Location: East Coast USA
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I am so sorry that you are in such pain, erfra.
I totally believe that you and your friend did the right thing by ending your friendship; as Dee said, you deserve someone who is totally available to be with you. There is no doubt that you will find such a woman. Believe me, she is out there looking for you.
Bim's suggestion about volunteering is a great one; staying busy and helping others will help you, too.
There are so many people here who care very much for you, erfra. You will survive this; have faith that a happy future awaits you.
I totally believe that you and your friend did the right thing by ending your friendship; as Dee said, you deserve someone who is totally available to be with you. There is no doubt that you will find such a woman. Believe me, she is out there looking for you.
Bim's suggestion about volunteering is a great one; staying busy and helping others will help you, too.
There are so many people here who care very much for you, erfra. You will survive this; have faith that a happy future awaits you.
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Thank you all. You I want to cry and I can't. My wok is physical and out side, in a month I go for my drive test and hopefully I be driving after hopping to do more outside activities went I'm driving.
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Hey Erfra, very sorry you're feeling this pain right now!!
There has to be another way forward though, another way to deal with life without alcohol or anything else that causes a quick escape from feeling emotions, that's the challenge in Sobreity, not fearing feelings or emotions, but letting them tell us things about us, the fact that it's ok to grieve, ok to feel angry, to feel hurt, that's how us humans are designed.
For years I drank away ever feeling and emotion, but that way forward not only wasn't sustainable as over time I needed yet more and more alcohol for the desired effect, and all the while my health was increasingly being damaged and the consequences were becoming more chaotic.
Instead I needed to figure out new ways to deal with life, and it can be done, alcohol isn't the solution, for me it was the problem!!
SR is in your corner!!
There has to be another way forward though, another way to deal with life without alcohol or anything else that causes a quick escape from feeling emotions, that's the challenge in Sobreity, not fearing feelings or emotions, but letting them tell us things about us, the fact that it's ok to grieve, ok to feel angry, to feel hurt, that's how us humans are designed.
For years I drank away ever feeling and emotion, but that way forward not only wasn't sustainable as over time I needed yet more and more alcohol for the desired effect, and all the while my health was increasingly being damaged and the consequences were becoming more chaotic.
Instead I needed to figure out new ways to deal with life, and it can be done, alcohol isn't the solution, for me it was the problem!!
SR is in your corner!!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,122
Hi Efra,
My Sponsor tells me the best way to get out of myself ( sadness, pity, etc) is to be if service to someone else. Just going to a meeting is so helpful to me, I hear others share. I also know I'm not alone. Calling a friend to see how they are doing is also another way. Reaching out, like I see you doing here on SR boards, so helpful to that person and to you too!
Stay close,
Bobbi
My Sponsor tells me the best way to get out of myself ( sadness, pity, etc) is to be if service to someone else. Just going to a meeting is so helpful to me, I hear others share. I also know I'm not alone. Calling a friend to see how they are doing is also another way. Reaching out, like I see you doing here on SR boards, so helpful to that person and to you too!
Stay close,
Bobbi
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Talk to her last night our friendship will never come back. The only thing is my head is going great drinking but other part of me is fighting not to I even feel body pain all over.
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