csaw1112

Although I relapsed last night, i'm not hungover this morning and still feel as if i'm on day 7. I will just pretend it didnt happen because I dont feel like I've lost much ground, if any. I will try and stick to my plan from now on because I'm really enjoying this sober thing. It makes me feel like a kid again, probably because the last time I was sober , I was still a kid..lol. wow thats really not funny...

Delilah1

Good Morning Csaw,

Glad you are feeling okay and came right back to SR!

Jsbodhi

Morning!
Glad you're here again xoxo
Why did you drink last night?

thomas11

I am a firm believer that everything is better when you remove alcohol from your life. Food tastes better, sleep is better, focus and energy throughout the day is better, and your confidence builds over time. My 2 cents.

Jsbodhi

Agreed.

csaw1112

I can't really answer that one. Maybe because my av knew I was weak seeing as I'm off work today and had no plans to interrupt? Maybe i just wanted to see what the buzz feels like after 6 days without it? All I know is it wasn't worth it and it wont happen again.

courage2

csaw, are you getting any face-to-face support for getting sober?

ALinNS

Glad you are ok and committed to stopping, Our AV can be powerful but becomes weak as we educate ourselves more and stick close to our plan, these forums, AA, sober friends, whatever it takes. Glad to see you back. Andrew

Summerfall

Hi csaw. I did the same thing last night but was on my 3rd day. I feel fine today and positive that I will continue on not drinking.

dwtbd

My AV was very tricky for years(before I even heard of the AV) It would 'say' the same kinds of things. When I decided to quit for good I found SR and saw /read about AVRT and RR ( there are great threads on these ideas in the Secular Connections forum here on SR), finding out about them helped me to see how It had hijacked my thinking.
It would say 'you will end up drinking because you are weak', so I had to adopt the mindset that weak or not I was sticking to not drinking, no matter what.
"No big plans today/tomorrow" yeah well so what? I'm not going to put alcohol in my mouth , no matter what, so free time or not, no difference.
"C'mon one more buzz, no better feeling than that.." The physical feeling of being buzzed was associated with a positive evaluation for so long that I'd buy that one with little extra coaxing needed.
But finally realizing what the experience of that feeling had cost me in mind , body and spirit for so long, buying the lie that it was worth it doesn't resonate anymore. Drinking is/was always a net negative for me, quitting and being free of the addiction cycle means I freely choose to give up all the negatives associated with alcohol use,and that's the only thing(s) I give up or lose, and now I'm free to gain any and everything else life has to offer without handicapping myself by dragging the chain of addiction around, drop the chain , guaranteed you won't miss out or lose out on anything worth having.

Soberwolf

to pretend it didn't happen is a seriously bad idea

EndGameNYC

The words we use about ourselves are important, and can often give us insight as to why we do the things we do. Pretending that things didn't happen is something that many of us are very good at doing. Technically, when I pretend that something like a relapse "didn't happen," I'm also saying that "I didn't do it," that I'm not responsible for my behavior. Relapse doesn't just happen. It requires both a decision -- even though it may not feel that way -- and an action.

We don't always learn from what we do by virtue of the fact that we did it, and by then saying "It was a learning experience." Changes in behavior allow for learning; repeating unwanted behaviors is only a repetition of what we've done in the past and, by itself, offers nothing new to our knowledge.

Sobriety, too, does not "just happen." It's not what we think, what we say, or what we feel about sobriety; it's what we do about getting sober that makes the difference between a life of misery, failure and loss and a life that is potentially meaningful.

Our beloved Robby used to talk about "sobriety ambivalence," the absence of commitment to getting sober, and how this influences our decisions while we're struggling to get sober. Negotiating with drinking, concluding that I cannot go without drinking "forever," holding onto reservations about drinking ("I'll stay sober only until my partner leaves me, I lose my job/get a better job, someone I love dies, I get into a new relationship, my best friend's wedding, my vacation, my health improves/declines, my partner stops abusing me, I'm old, I stop/start feeling lonely, a week/month/year of sobriety passes by, I feel I can drink safely...").

Early sobriety is extremely difficult. We all know this. One of the best ways to start is to be accountable, to take responsibility for both our thinking and behavior. As is true of anything worthwhile in life, it takes work, commitment and doesn't happen overnight.

I wish you well.

Jsbodhi

I've done that for a year.....
I finally got really sick of it, better to stop now because it'll never change as much as we might think it will.
Xoxo
Keep going!!!

DuhDave

csaw1112...I'am sorry you drank. But to pretend it didnt happen, well...

...your post just has ""Still In Denial" stamped all over it.

Just saying.

DD

csaw1112

Ok what i mean by "pretend it didnt happen" is, "not let this one incident discourage me". How's that? Im certainly not going to dwell on it.

csaw1112

I'm not in denial. I've admitted I have a problem for years. Gees why do I feel like I'm having to defend myself when all I want is help? Damn, 6days is good progress for me and I'm proud of it.

Dee74

I'm glad you're back csaw

How you count your progress is up to you...

Just by way of illustration, I had to be brutally honest, tho, or my AV would have me saying things like I'm 6 months sober with 6 slips...

that kind of thinking would lead me to think another slip might not be that bad?

There's important points being made here about not glossing what happened...not to beat yourself up - but so you can learn from the experience?

I think you definitely need more of a plan that what you have.

What kind of things do you think you could add to what you've been doing?

D

doggonecarl

Good question. Why do you feel you have to defend yourself?

The people who may have struck a nerve with you regarding your relapse bring many, many years of strugging with alcoholism and years of recovery from it. No one is belittling your six days, or beating you up for your relapse. Just pointing out the pitfalls of "stinking thinking."

As they say in the rooms, "take what works and leave the rest." But please keep in mind where the comments are coming from, and it truly is to help you beat this addiction and gain sobriety. And help is what you are asking for

csaw1112

Dee, the pdf you linked me, for some reason i can't download. I dont really have a plan...

least

I hope you can come up with a good plan to live a rewarding sober life. For me, I saw a counselor weekly and came to this site every day. I no longer see a counselor but still come here daily as a reminder of where I came from.