skywalker91

I am still putting together as to how it happened but I relapsed and am feeling miserable, guilty, ashamed & I just don't know where it went wrong a few days before 9 months....please keep me in your prayers you guys and I will appreciate your support. Do you guys think sober living is my best option?

JD

Sorry to hear that. But just re-start now. Last time I relapsed it took me the better part of 10 years to get started on sobriety again. You don't want to do that.

Solarion

Well, what led you to commit to sobriety at the beginning of those 9 months?

melki

Yes.

Those 9 months are not lost.

You can do it. Start today.

SoberinSyracuse

Set aside those negative emotions. That's just the alcohol talking, telling you that you're a bad person.

Nip this relapse in the bud and get right back on the horse. Analyze what happened to cause the relapse and then build a plan for how to handle that situation if it occurs again.

Yes, I believe sober living is your best option.

Bird615

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to beat yourself up as it serves no purpose. Chalk it up to a learning experience and see what you might do different and never give up trying.

In my case, I've learned that a relapse doesn't happen out of the blue; there's a period of time where we are setting ourselves up to drink again, and probably don't even notice what's going on. For me, it starts with my thinking and it's something I need to be aware of. I watch my thoughts for signs of thinking that drinking again might be a good idea or that I'm taking it all for granted and getting complacent. Having a recovery plan with strategies to deal with those times helps.

My sobriety is something I need to maintain and protect if I want to keep it.

least

I am sorry you relapsed. Maybe add to your recovery plan and start fresh today.

Anna

I'm sorry that happened.

I do think it's important to know what happened at 9 months sober to cause you to start drinking again. Maybe there is something you can add to your recovery plan to help you avoid this again. Learn and move on.

eyeshake

Relapse is a huge part of my story. I believe that relapses have been a crucial part of my recovery as they remind me of why I want to be sober.

As an alcoholic, I can't drink like other people; I can't drink in safety. It sucks, and I hate it. But it's how my brain works. I'm only a week in on my 5th attempt in the past four years, and I'm ready to accept that fact.

Don't beat yourself up. Learn from it, and continue to grow.

Soberwolf

Do you think reaching out getting that all important 2nd opinion is now part of your plan ?

aasharon90

Use your experience with this and build
upon it to grow, to learn, to strengthen
a strong solid foundation to live your
life on for many more sober and clean
days ahead of you.

Sometimes there are lessons in life
that take a little longer to learn as Ive
also learned myself. However, I knew
that from the very beginning I wanted
to stay sober more than anything and
would continue to learn as much as I
could to the best of my human ability.

The times I felt weak, unsure, then
it was up to me to stay firm in my
resolve to go that extra mile to get
what I needed to not drink. Even if
it meant going to 2 meetings a day.

At least I knew I was safe in the rooms
for each hour where there was no
alcohol or temptation. I could calm the
outside world for that one hour and tune
in, listen, absorb, learn what I could
understand about recovery at that time.

For each meeting I went to, either step
studies or big book studies, both helped
me understand all the words in those
books where folks broke it down and
explained it to me.

I learned that I never had to go thru
recovery by myself. There was always
someone who in sharing at these meetings,
even here in SR, that have been there or
done many same similar things in life as
I have.

Im soooo glad to have the fellowship
to turn to for care, understanding,
communication, guidance, suggestions
for each step I take to live my life in recovery
being honest all along the way.

Hang on tight and others to guide
you on your own recovery journey in
life.

ALinNS

Living sober to me is living free, alcohol will take my life and I love living so yes living sober is worth it and as the fog lifts I believe you will see that also.

As for the relapse I think the majority of us are aware what happened, don't beat yourself up, update your plan to stay sober to ensure you know what to do should it ever happen again before you pick up.

All the best
Andrew

JohnQPublic

Congrats on your nine months. That is an achievement. Relapse is, unfortunately apart of the disease. It is not a requirement but something that happens to lots of us. I feel all the suffering you have right now but just dust off and try again. If there was no danger of you using then you would not be an addict/alcoholic. Don't be too hard with yourself but instead find where you think you may have strayed from the positive path you were on and find a way to deal with it next time. Best wishes. John

skywalker91

2 days before the relapse I was talking with my sponsor about how happy I was about how far I have come. It truly is baffling that 2 days later I used again.

I agree with everyone and I appreciate the support so much. I know that unfortunately for some/most relapse is part of the disease -it is just so scary how I feel like I am a different person when I want use and now I am crying non stop about my actions and would do anything to take it back . I do not want to make the mistake of continuing my use because of guilt now. I will focus on staying sober today.

Btw, sober living home is what I think will be good for me because it will provide me with structure and a fellowship that is always around. I am just scared of getting on that plane and going to the sober living because of the distance from my mom but I know this is what I have to do. School has to wait as well. & my current environment is not healthy . I know a sober living wont be the answer to all my problems as the disease goes wherever I go but it will give me tools that I'm lacking right now My mom has been so supportive and it hurts so much that she is hurting bc of my actions. Thank you all for being here. love you all-There truly is no baffling and cunning disease like addiction

skywalker91

Hey man, I am a bit confused, what do you mean? rephrase pls?

SoberLife90

Your return to SR gives me strength. Sober living could be a great option. It might be the fresh new beginning you need. Whatever works though. You can do it!

Delilah1

Hi Skywalker,

I'm sorry you relapsed, I am recently back as well, today is Day 10. Nine months is a good amount of sober time, the only time I was able to stay sober that long was during pregnancy and nursing.

I am determined to make this time stick. Maybe you can help both of us, what did you do during those nine months to stay sober? I'm sure you had a good plan in place.

If you decide to go to a sober living home I hope it turns out to be a great fit for you.

Keep reading and positing, and don't beat yourself up, just start again one day at a time. ❤️

lovetolisten

I feel your pain of regret. I too have wanted nothing more than to take it back, but that energy needs to be funneled into prevention in future. The not drinking is what makes a person feel so great...then you feel so good that you don't think a drink will hurt you...and then you drink and feel like crap again! I have been on this Rollercoaster for 15 years

skywalker91

Thanks Delilah, for those almost 9 months I wrote a weekly schedule I was going to stick to, I prayed every day and said what I was grateful for, I had one a support system from a family member that I would speak to daily, and I kept busy and made goals.

Relapse wise: I didn't pay attention to triggers as of late, I started playing around with my sleep schedule because I am off from school this month, I hung out with a friend that I usually don't hang out with especially late night, I started hanging out with a family member that just gave birth and was having a tense argument with her partner, also my brother who actively uses started to argue with my mom cursing and waking up everyone in the house. This all happened in 1-2 days, and cravings started. I am sure there is more to it but those were the major shifts and occurrences prior to relapse.

skywalker91

what made me commit before: To get a better relationship with God/faith again, Motivation to get my education/career back on track, becoming independent and self-sufficient, moving out of my current city so I could have a stronger AA fellowship in another state where some of my friends are, to make my mom stop worrying, to make sister stop worrying, to stop having to get tested for any sexually transmitted diseases because of using/unsafe risky behavior....