New sobriety date.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 43
New sobriety date.
My name is Simon, I'm an alcoholic.
2016.01.09
I guess this is my new sobriety date. I was telling a friend earlier how frustrating it is that I should be coming up on 17 months of sobriety, but instead I’m celebrating one day. But, think of how significant it is. One day. One rotation of the earth without a drink, a drug, or self-harm. I never thought relapse would be part of my story. I really never thought that cutting would be part of my story. Hopefully this will be the first and last time it makes an appearance.
So, I had a beer about a month ago, a few more after that, but I don’t think that’s where the spiral started. It started when I walked away from AA a few months ago thinking that now that I had a year, I probably had my drinking under control. I may have had the drinking portion of my illness under control, but my emotional sobriety and my spiritual health were (and still are) very damaged and underdeveloped. I started to seek out and embrace the darkness that I felt starting to manifest and seep out through the cracks in my skin. I started pulling away from the people who care and isolating myself with only my thoughts, which are rarely to be trusted.
There were a couple factors that exacerbated my demise in this situation. I’ve been on antidepressants and I think that blocked some of the feelings of sadness, guilt, and disappointment that I should have been feeling after the alcohol relapse and starting to smoke pot. It took the act of physically self-inflicting injury upon my body to finally feel that knot in my stomach, the feeling of guilt and fear… And that’s when I knew I had to go back to the rooms.
So, I’m thankful for my first day returning to sobriety and for my sponsor who welcomes me with open arms. I’m thankful to live in city with hundreds of meetings at all times of the day and night. I’m thankful for my therapist and psychiatrist and thankful for you for reading this. I know this time around that I have to take it piecemeal and focus on the twenty-four hours ahead, and that’s what I intend to do.
2016.01.09
I guess this is my new sobriety date. I was telling a friend earlier how frustrating it is that I should be coming up on 17 months of sobriety, but instead I’m celebrating one day. But, think of how significant it is. One day. One rotation of the earth without a drink, a drug, or self-harm. I never thought relapse would be part of my story. I really never thought that cutting would be part of my story. Hopefully this will be the first and last time it makes an appearance.
So, I had a beer about a month ago, a few more after that, but I don’t think that’s where the spiral started. It started when I walked away from AA a few months ago thinking that now that I had a year, I probably had my drinking under control. I may have had the drinking portion of my illness under control, but my emotional sobriety and my spiritual health were (and still are) very damaged and underdeveloped. I started to seek out and embrace the darkness that I felt starting to manifest and seep out through the cracks in my skin. I started pulling away from the people who care and isolating myself with only my thoughts, which are rarely to be trusted.
There were a couple factors that exacerbated my demise in this situation. I’ve been on antidepressants and I think that blocked some of the feelings of sadness, guilt, and disappointment that I should have been feeling after the alcohol relapse and starting to smoke pot. It took the act of physically self-inflicting injury upon my body to finally feel that knot in my stomach, the feeling of guilt and fear… And that’s when I knew I had to go back to the rooms.
So, I’m thankful for my first day returning to sobriety and for my sponsor who welcomes me with open arms. I’m thankful to live in city with hundreds of meetings at all times of the day and night. I’m thankful for my therapist and psychiatrist and thankful for you for reading this. I know this time around that I have to take it piecemeal and focus on the twenty-four hours ahead, and that’s what I intend to do.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
Welcome back!
That was a very deep and well written post. Thank you for sharing. It really helps someone like me who is on day 79 realize that we can never stray from our plan and what works, no matter how much we think we have it under control. I hope to see you around more and share in this journey together!
That was a very deep and well written post. Thank you for sharing. It really helps someone like me who is on day 79 realize that we can never stray from our plan and what works, no matter how much we think we have it under control. I hope to see you around more and share in this journey together!
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