Marylynn123456

I haven't been on here since November. I have been diagnosed with thyroid cancer and it spread and I have surgery next week it's going to be a big scar from the voice box all the way up the side of the left side of my neck then there is a lot of Drs after that for treatment and getting the right levels of hormones anyway while this is happening my husband is sitting here stoned. This has been a problem 5years of the marriage as well as my numerous health problems losses just like all of a sudden a tornado came and I've been trapped in it all this time I honestly don't know what I could do to help him it all started when his son died 5 years ago from a heroin overdose since then I've gone through loss after loss and my husband isn't the same I feel like I'm constantly grieving him like I've lost him forever and it's so painful there are no words to describe it when u love someone deeply and feel helpless now I also play a part in this cause I end up doing it with him cause it helps me cope with the way he is if anyone can understand what I mean I don't know if it makes sense I don't even want painkillers except for that surgery but I don't get anything out of it anymore in the beginning it did something but then I always felt horrible after taking painkillers with him like I should've been helping so I feel I really messed up and what the hell do I do now I can't cope with all this there are no meetings in Delaware and when I do go I feel worse so I don't know what to do about anything I'm starting to consider ending my life and I'm afraid I might eventually God doesn't hear my prayers why won't he help him I sure can't and I'm unable to leave him I tried then I miss him and worry how he is and don't want to leave him all alone picturing it makes me cry does anyone have any suggestions that may help him even though I don't think he wants it but I noticed he gets really depressed over relapsing when years ago it didn't bother him he did express worries and I haven't been a bowl of cherries when I picked up a drink all I can say is I'm a lunatic and do very dangerous things that usually kill people so I'm afraid to drink so I just wanted to vent and be honest as I can and looking at the fact I'm doing wrong things too I admit it to him that I'm not blaming him for everything I know I did my share of insanity but he gets defensive if u bring up anything about him and the drugs he always tells me to get help but I don't take off and drive 5 hours to another state just for those dumb pills like he does I need him sober next week I have to take a lot of tests before surgery there's other issues with the insurance that will b fixed but I was on the phone yesterday all day with the hospital and insurance company while he nodded out I'm pissed he doesn't care I even have to go through this **** his pills come first it b the same if I had a worse cancer I feel very hopeless and so much despair

Fly N Buy

I am sorry you are feeling so very overwhelmed and I hope it helps just to know there are others here that care and can empathize with your plight.

After drinking and using various substances for over 30 years I have found a way out to get to 19 months, today. It started with a choice of not picking up one day and going to a meeting. Other told me I had a problem, I agreed with them somewhat. One day I hit my head hard enough, my circumstances were painful enough that I walked into the rooms and found SR.

No one could cajole / talk me into anything. However painful that was for them until I made a choice others attempts made little difference, though some over time.

My wife had a malignant tumor in her thyroid gland about 18 years ago. They removed the gland and she has been fine since with daily medication. Thyroid cancer is very slowly growing and has one of the highest survival rates - common in women,

My thoughts are with you today and for all those who are in pain and struggling.

Keep posting and sharing Marylynn

Berrybean

Hi Marylynn.

I'm so, so sorry to hear what you're going through.

Have you ever tried AlAnon or similar to get support in dealing with your husbands addictions?

The lovely people who hang out in the Friends and Family area of this forum may well have some advice for you.

The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com

Sending my best wishes for a good recovery for you, and hope you get some support in managing your feelings and life regarding your relationship with your partner.

Soberwolf

Hi MaryLynn I'm sorry about the cancer but its truly a godsend its treatable & I will keep you in my prayers, I think your partner has to face up to his addiction & if you choose to stay out of love & he doesn't change I honestly can't see things changing

It's a tough situation but right now you need to focus on staying well through treatment

Can you stay with any family or friends through treatment as your going to need help & support & right now your not getting it from the one person you want it from

Do know you can always count on us for support

Dee74

I'm sorry Marylynn. I wish I could give you a magic formula to bring your husband back to the way you remember him and need him to be, but sadly there is no formula for that. I will pray for you both tho and I send you best wishes on the cancer and the treatment.

Please know that there is help and support here 24/7...and as others have mentioned, help elsewhere as well.

You can stay sober, and you don't need to do this alone

D

NoelleR

I'm not sure what you meant, or to what kind of meetings you're referring, however, I just did a quick search and found this site:

NA | Narcotics Anonymous Meetings in Delaware | In The Rooms

I don't know how correct or current this is, but it sure seems there are quite a few meetings in Delaware...........?

(o:

Lorax1981

Hoping you have a successful surgery and speedy recovery. Sending good vibes your way!

WaveTossed

I will keep you in my prayers. Why not try Al-Anon or other similar groups for those dealing with an alcoholic/addict in their lives?

Upward2Enlightenment

Marylynn, I don't know what part of Delaware you are in but there are a lot of meetings.

I wish I could offer you a magic formula too that would help.

It might help if your husband would go to a counselor. You mentioned it started after his sons death. I wish I could give you an idea how to get him to go that doesn't stir things up.

Best wishes to you.
We are here for you.

Marylynn123456

Thank u all so much for your support. I just wanted to say about the meetings where i live it is pretty dead all the meetings are in northern delaware which is an hour and a half from me thats where they have tons of meetings i think i need alanon something like that but i wont be driving too much after surgery not until the swelling goes down and whatever else i have to go through after that i have no family close by to stay with so my husband is gonna have to help even though hes not sober. Its on and off with the painkillers but he has a good side it seems he tries his best to help when i need it not always but if i tell him i need his help he does help despite the addiction. I need meetings where i can get support like alanon so i can cope with this horrible illness addiction is such a horribly sad life but reading everyones response was very helpful and thank u all again u give me strength to go on god bless and thanks for the prayers

MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, Marylynn!

Upward2Enlightenment

Good luck with your surgery Marylynn.

You may also find some helpful support in our Friends and Family section.

SoberInCLE

I think you have to start by taking care of yourself first. I know you already have a lot to worry about but the alcohol just makes the anxiety and depression worse. Good luck!

PurpleKnight

Hope the surgery goes well Marylynn!! Hang in there!!

tomsteve

truly sorry for what youre going through with yer hubby andcant help you with that.
what i may be able to help with,though, is the cancer thing. i was diagnosed stage 3c metastatic melanoma in 2006(13 months into recovery). even though i had tremendous support from my friends in AA it wasnt enough. i wanted people in my shoes to talk to. unfortunately there was only 1 support meeting a month near me. but i found some great online support forums and chatrooms. it really helped me greatly.
you might be able to find f2f groups for the cancer in your area.
PLEEASE!!!! keep your contact with GOD going!