Grendhar

I'm on another Day 2. I went to an A.A meeting last night. Didn't speak to anyone but left feeling hopeful. I want what they have so badly. Very frustrated right now because I am craving a drink but where would it get me? I'd drink for another week probably, then try to quit again.

I have read enough on here and heard enough in A.A meetings to know it gets better .. its just the time it takes for it to get better is overwhelming.

Someone said in the meeting last night that it wasn't really until they accepted they can't drink anymore and were okay with it that they got peace.

I want to drink but don't want all of the consequences so I know I have to stop.

ALinNS

At the stage you are in and my experience, I always craved during the detox period, it's critical we fight back, keep busy, visit a friend who doesn't drink, go for a walk, here you could go skating now, just do whatever it takes to not start again.

Maybe you could consider a plan to keep you sober, kind of a map to get you where you want to be, reading, this forum is excellent, AA Alive is an online group that I really like, maybe cooking, walking etc. just throwing out things that work for me.

All the best
Andrew

Upward2Enlightenment

Welcome Grendhar.

Do you have a plan? The beginning is the hardest, our bodies get used to drinking and doesn't like change. A counselor I had before recommended keeping hard candy around to sucks on when cravings hit. She said that when we drink the body breaks the alcohol down into sugar and now it's not getting that extra sugar.

This thread might help with coming up with a plan. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

least

As long as you still want to drink, it might be difficult staying sober because you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink.

Grendhar

I guess by "want" I mean "feel like I have to".

firstymer

Grendhar, it's ok to have the urge to drink. The urge will be almost constant at first. Gnawing even. Then it will be frequent. Then it will be occasional. Then, after a few months, it will be rare.

Each time, just recognize it for what it is. An urge. It is not you. It is certainly not stronger than you. Expect the urges. They are part of the process. We all have them. Just know that the urge will pass. Eat something. Change your environment. Come here for support. Get some exercise. Whatever it takes to deal with the urge.

And, most importantly, recognize that each time you defeat the urge to drink, you get a little stronger, and the urge to drink will get a little weaker.

Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.

loulou1981

We feel ur pain....honestly, the start is crappy, but it does ease.
I stopped drinking mid Oct last year & its probably been during the last week that I no longer have the cravings, there is no desire to drink (that could change but i hope not)!! Like u said its not worth all the aftermath.
Keep busy, go for a walk if u feel that awful, maybe the gym if u r into fitness. Hang in there.x

Anna

Yes, for me, when I accepted I could no longer drink, ever, my mind began to work to help me find new healthy ways to live. It was strange, because until I reached that point, I wasn't able to make the changes in my life that I needed.

I'm glad you posted.

Grendhar

Took the sugar advice and had some candy. Took the edge off.

Zebra1275

I want to drink

If so, you will find a way, or a rationalization, or whatever . . .

I needed to reach the point where I didn't want to drink, I just didn't know how to stop, before I was able to get sober.

countrygirl2014

Can you go to a meeting tonight? Did they give you a list of phone numbers? They gave you that for a reason you know. Is there someone close to you that can take you to a store and buy yourself a book? I found reading at night quieted my chatty brain down. I didn't even like the book I chose, I made myself read it. The brain chatter shuts up after a few weeks...I never did finish that awful book. It sounds like you really want this and I would love to help you get there, you have to be open minded and take suggestions. A lot of us have been in that same mental state you are in and it sucks. Remember, you only have to not drink today. Hang in there, I have faith in you.

Jennifer

Grendhar

I didn't get a list of numbers. I'd be too shy to call one of the numbers anyway.. I just sat in the back row and listened. People raised their hands to let newcomers know they are willing to be sponsors .. but I don't have the nerve to say anything.

Listening seems better than nothing though .. put me in a good mood for the rest of the night.

There is a meeting tonight but it is one I avoid because it is in a bad part of town and smells very bad in there. It is shelter during the day (I think that's why it smells so bad)

The next two days there are good meetings local though.

I do have books. I have the Living Sober book and the Big Book. I've never read more than a few pages at a time .. so I should give those books a chance and set a goal to read them through..

Dee74

what makes you feel you have to drink?

D

Grendhar

I like the escape drinking provides me. I know it's very irrational because by escaping every single day .. the world I'm escaping from becomes worse and worse and I want to escape even more. Vicious cycle...

Soberwolf

Not to mention the detrimental effects it has on health & mental health, family friends, finances & job

Alcohol they don't call it the great remover for no reason it will take everything Inc your life if you let it

Grendhar

I am close to alcohol taking the only things that I value in life right now .. I'm out of work (lay offs) and all I have is my ability to drive and my girlfriend.

Could lose the license any day ... and the girlfriend is getting sick of the drinking and doesn't know what to do anymore. She'll figure out what to do if I don't figure it out first ..

firstymer

Alcohol provides a couple brief effects that appeal to most people. Escape, numbness, reduced inhibitions. I get that. If it didn't, normal people wouldn't drink.

But the rules that apply to normal drinkers don't apply to us. Our on/off switch is broken. We can't have a couple drinks, once in a while. For me, I have no interest in having a "couple drinks" or a glass of wine. Screw that. I want 10 drinks. And a bottle of wine. Or two.

Once I realized that I am not a normal drinker - that my on/off switch is broken and will never be fixed - I was forced to accept that I would have to forego those few positive effects that alcohol provided, simply because the negative effects of the alcohol were 10 times more severe. Once I finally figured that out, the only issue became which tools would work best for me to quit.

chrcarlson

Form me the first 3 to 4 days were the hardest. At about a week it got much easier. I went to AA every night for the first week, still go about every night.

Find something else to do after work-don't set around. AA is not a bad place to go.

31 days sober.

Grendhar

Drinking and ignoring responsibilities doesn't work too well .. looking over my finances and its worse than I thought. I've been hiding from everything I need to do for so long..

Grendhar

Woke up 10 minutes ago.. day 3 has started.