hurting heart
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 10
hurting heart
I've posted a few times with my story so I wont repeat it. I did finally make him leave 6 months ago. We tried once after he left but he wasnt working a good program so we never made it. For the last 4 months, I have stayed away with mostly success using tough love except my heart is still sooo broken. I loved this man a stupid amount!! Xmas he messaged so I spoke to him. Not about us just about him and life. He let me know last night he is using oxy and has decided to get clean. It makes me so sad. I listened to him and he thanked me. He wants to be friends but it hurts sometimes. I think I had hoped he would finally do the right thing and get his act together. Nothing like that for a reality check. I think I had hoped deep down for a different outcome. I hate how long getting over him is taking. Sorry, just needed to vent!
It takes time, Jenny, but in time you will hurt less and then less again. My prayers go out for him, his words mean nothing without actions and my guess is that he just isn't ready.
Keeping a distance is good, you vision is clearer from afar.
Hugs
Keeping a distance is good, you vision is clearer from afar.
Hugs
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I think I had hoped he would finally do the right thing and get his act together. Nothing like that for a reality check. I think I had hoped deep down for a different outcome. I hate how long getting over him is taking.
The holidays always have a way of amplifying intense feelings, and I'm sorry that you had to go through that. But I'm not sorry that he's not in your life in that way. For as bad as you feel right now, things would be a thousand times worse if you were immersed in his world 24/7. I suspect you know this, and perhaps you're looking for reassurance that you're going to be OK.
Yes, you will be OK. Give yourself time, and do all the things you need to do to get through the day.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 408
I've posted a few times with my story so I wont repeat it. I did finally make him leave 6 months ago. We tried once after he left but he wasnt working a good program so we never made it. For the last 4 months, I have stayed away with mostly success using tough love except my heart is still sooo broken. I loved this man a stupid amount!! Xmas he messaged so I spoke to him. Not about us just about him and life. He let me know last night he is using oxy and has decided to get clean. It makes me so sad. I listened to him and he thanked me. He wants to be friends but it hurts sometimes. I think I had hoped he would finally do the right thing and get his act together. Nothing like that for a reality check. I think I had hoped deep down for a different outcome. I hate how long getting over him is taking. Sorry, just needed to vent!
Have you considered going to al anon?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 46
I agree that the holidays are more difficult, especially that "first one" without our significant other. As Zoso77 said, whenever I felt sad during this past xmas and new year's, I tried to remind myself of what kind of a xmas and new year's I would have had if I was still in a relationship dealing with my ex. It probably would have been a much worse holiday season for me. I'll gladly take the occasional moments of sadness over one more day of that insanity. And it's true what everyone has said, about it being easier as time goes on. I remember back to earlier this year, when I was hurting so badly over the break up, it literally almost hurt to breathe. Almost every moment of the day. Now, my moments like that are extremely rare, thankfully. You are definitely going to be OK.
Holidays are hard. And really, staying in contact with him is making the duration of your hurt even longer.
Someone just said in another forum, Short Term Pain for Long Term Gain.....and that is so true. Six months is not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things. The true healing will come when you go no contact with him and have no idea what he is thinking, doing, etc. Then YOU can heal, it 's not about him anymore.
Hugs to you.
Someone just said in another forum, Short Term Pain for Long Term Gain.....and that is so true. Six months is not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things. The true healing will come when you go no contact with him and have no idea what he is thinking, doing, etc. Then YOU can heal, it 's not about him anymore.
Hugs to you.
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