Mistake or no?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 171
Mistake or no?
So a few weeks ago my exab sent me a social media message (messenger; we weren't still linked on this social media page) about something pretty lame about returning something he *just* found - that story is here. Didn't respond. A few days later I thought it best to just go ahead and block him on the social media pages I know he uses, so he can't even find me on those.
The next week or so, I guess after he found that he was blocked from contacting me there, I received an request from him on linkedin. At this point, I'm kind of disturbed by this because he's realizing that I am blocking this communication attempt from him, and he's actively searching for a new way to get through. Still - no response, no contact, and blocked him there.
A week later, I spotted him out at a restaurant and bar - of course with a drink in hand, but I made no acknowledgement and thankfully he didn't confront me (likely because I was with some new friends he did not know).
Then a few days later the texting started, asking if I was still in town, or if I was at home. No response from me, but no explanation from him as to why he's continuing to contact me. It's weird and it's creeping me out. Marked his # as spam, so at least I won't get any more notifications of contact. 1 step from changing my number, although I'd rather not.
I don't care why he's doing this now - it doesn't matter, but it seems like he's slowly ramping this up as I am making it clear that I want no contact from him. My fear is that it may lead to a direct confrontation if he sees me out again.
I don't know if this was a good idea, but I figured I would take a shot to send a sort of cease and desist email. I made it very short and to the point, it wasn't emotional, and it wasn't angry. I basically said that we both know what happened, we both know why, and I can't overlook any of that. I asked him to stop contacting me, wished him the best, and that was it.
I did so in hopes that me just shutting it down without giving him the chance to explain himself will do something, but I'm also wondering if I didn't fall into some kind of trap here. I'm not worried about tripping back into any kind of relationship with him or anything, but in trying to shut down whatever he's trying to pull right now, did I just open up a can of worms?
Part of me feels that I should have just kept ignoring it, but it did kind of start to bother me of where he was going to take it from here.
General advice about this? Did I just send him an invitation to try harder?
The next week or so, I guess after he found that he was blocked from contacting me there, I received an request from him on linkedin. At this point, I'm kind of disturbed by this because he's realizing that I am blocking this communication attempt from him, and he's actively searching for a new way to get through. Still - no response, no contact, and blocked him there.
A week later, I spotted him out at a restaurant and bar - of course with a drink in hand, but I made no acknowledgement and thankfully he didn't confront me (likely because I was with some new friends he did not know).
Then a few days later the texting started, asking if I was still in town, or if I was at home. No response from me, but no explanation from him as to why he's continuing to contact me. It's weird and it's creeping me out. Marked his # as spam, so at least I won't get any more notifications of contact. 1 step from changing my number, although I'd rather not.
I don't care why he's doing this now - it doesn't matter, but it seems like he's slowly ramping this up as I am making it clear that I want no contact from him. My fear is that it may lead to a direct confrontation if he sees me out again.
I don't know if this was a good idea, but I figured I would take a shot to send a sort of cease and desist email. I made it very short and to the point, it wasn't emotional, and it wasn't angry. I basically said that we both know what happened, we both know why, and I can't overlook any of that. I asked him to stop contacting me, wished him the best, and that was it.
I did so in hopes that me just shutting it down without giving him the chance to explain himself will do something, but I'm also wondering if I didn't fall into some kind of trap here. I'm not worried about tripping back into any kind of relationship with him or anything, but in trying to shut down whatever he's trying to pull right now, did I just open up a can of worms?
Part of me feels that I should have just kept ignoring it, but it did kind of start to bother me of where he was going to take it from here.
General advice about this? Did I just send him an invitation to try harder?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, at least you have it documented that you asked him to leave you alone.
More will be revealed. I think I probably would have done the same thing. I wouldn't respond any more.
Hopefully he will stop. I had an ex that kept trying to contact me for a few months after we broke up but he eventually quit.
This guy isn't violent, is he?
More will be revealed. I think I probably would have done the same thing. I wouldn't respond any more.
Hopefully he will stop. I had an ex that kept trying to contact me for a few months after we broke up but he eventually quit.
This guy isn't violent, is he?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
If he "tries harder" after you've so clearly told him to stop contacting you, you can probably obtain a protective order. I'd do that, if he doesn't quit at this point.
ETA: I just realized you're in Texas, and it may not be possible to get a protective order for persistent contact without a history of violence or reason to fear harm (not legal advice, you'd have to get that from a lawyer or guidance from a DV advocate). Such continued contact might constitute harassment, however, and you could file a criminal complaint and most likely get a "no contact" condition as a result.
ETA: I just realized you're in Texas, and it may not be possible to get a protective order for persistent contact without a history of violence or reason to fear harm (not legal advice, you'd have to get that from a lawyer or guidance from a DV advocate). Such continued contact might constitute harassment, however, and you could file a criminal complaint and most likely get a "no contact" condition as a result.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 171
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
If he "tries harder" after you've so clearly told him to stop contacting you, you can probably obtain a protective order. I'd do that, if he doesn't quit at this point.
ETA: I just realized you're in Texas, and it may not be possible to get a protective order for persistent contact without a history of violence or reason to fear harm (not legal advice, you'd have to get that from a lawyer or guidance from a DV advocate). Such continued contact might constitute harassment, however, and you could file a criminal complaint and most likely get a "no contact" condition as a result.
ETA: I just realized you're in Texas, and it may not be possible to get a protective order for persistent contact without a history of violence or reason to fear harm (not legal advice, you'd have to get that from a lawyer or guidance from a DV advocate). Such continued contact might constitute harassment, however, and you could file a criminal complaint and most likely get a "no contact" condition as a result.
Let's just hope that a little common sense finally prevails.
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