Newcomer/Trying to figure out where I am
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 2
Newcomer/Trying to figure out where I am
On New Years Eve, I realized I have a drinking problem.
I was in Boston, a city I am completely unfamiliar with (I'm originally from NYC, but I currently live in the Florida panhandle). I started drinking early in the day and just kept going well into the night. I was 'in control' of myself (at least as far as behaving civilized) until about 11, and then something happened. I have only vague memories of what happened, but I know I was completely delusional. I had different memories and thought I was a different person, and it was all my sister and friends could do to get me back to our friend's house. I did not get violent or confrontational, but I started behaving bizarrely and making strange and fantastic claims.
I woke up the next day with just enough memory of the night to be horrified. It made me really start think about my drinking habits.
I generally have a very high tolerance to the effects of alcohol; this is the first time I've ever blacked out or acted this bizarrely, though it is not the first time that alcohol has significantly effected my behavior.
I do not drink nor do I feel compelled to drink every night (generally 1-2 nights a week), but whenever I do drink I tend to binge drink; I would generally go from beer to beer without much break (though I never 'chugged' them, they tended to disappear quickly). I would generally continue to drink until I fell asleep or ran out of beer. I also tend to drink more frequently when I have less to do; I am currently in training for a job with a long, multi-part training program, and during the first part of that training when the demands of me were less I was drinking a lot more frequently.
However, I never got anxious when I ran out of beer; I would be momentarily disappointed but then I would just move on.
I never missed work because of alcohol, nor have I ruined any friendships because of it; some friends have commented on how much I tend to drink when I'm drinking. I am in very good health and physical fitness for the most part, and I currently have a steady and very interesting job and no pressing financial issues.
My family does have a history of 'functional alcoholics', for lack of a better term (I understand that's not likely not a welcome phrase on a forum like this); no one's life has been completely destroyed because of alcohol, though a lot of the men in my family tend to drink a lot and it has caused a few minor issues in the past.
So here's where I find myself: I'm pretty sure I have a binge drinking problem that was brought into focus by a frightening incident. I have decided that I really should stay away from alcohol before it starts to have a serious effect on my life.
I was in Boston, a city I am completely unfamiliar with (I'm originally from NYC, but I currently live in the Florida panhandle). I started drinking early in the day and just kept going well into the night. I was 'in control' of myself (at least as far as behaving civilized) until about 11, and then something happened. I have only vague memories of what happened, but I know I was completely delusional. I had different memories and thought I was a different person, and it was all my sister and friends could do to get me back to our friend's house. I did not get violent or confrontational, but I started behaving bizarrely and making strange and fantastic claims.
I woke up the next day with just enough memory of the night to be horrified. It made me really start think about my drinking habits.
I generally have a very high tolerance to the effects of alcohol; this is the first time I've ever blacked out or acted this bizarrely, though it is not the first time that alcohol has significantly effected my behavior.
I do not drink nor do I feel compelled to drink every night (generally 1-2 nights a week), but whenever I do drink I tend to binge drink; I would generally go from beer to beer without much break (though I never 'chugged' them, they tended to disappear quickly). I would generally continue to drink until I fell asleep or ran out of beer. I also tend to drink more frequently when I have less to do; I am currently in training for a job with a long, multi-part training program, and during the first part of that training when the demands of me were less I was drinking a lot more frequently.
However, I never got anxious when I ran out of beer; I would be momentarily disappointed but then I would just move on.
I never missed work because of alcohol, nor have I ruined any friendships because of it; some friends have commented on how much I tend to drink when I'm drinking. I am in very good health and physical fitness for the most part, and I currently have a steady and very interesting job and no pressing financial issues.
My family does have a history of 'functional alcoholics', for lack of a better term (I understand that's not likely not a welcome phrase on a forum like this); no one's life has been completely destroyed because of alcohol, though a lot of the men in my family tend to drink a lot and it has caused a few minor issues in the past.
So here's where I find myself: I'm pretty sure I have a binge drinking problem that was brought into focus by a frightening incident. I have decided that I really should stay away from alcohol before it starts to have a serious effect on my life.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,470
Hi and Welcome,
Blackouts are very scary and I'm glad you know that you need to stop drinking. Try to not worry about the label 'alcoholic'. It's not about how often you drink or even how much you drink, but what happens to you when you drink. And, you black out and put yourself in danger. Stopping drinking is the way to go.
You're right, the term functional alcoholic is kind of meaningless. There may be a time in an alcoholic's life where he can maintain a job, a home, etc, but alcoholism is progressive and will worsen unless it's stopped.
There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.
Blackouts are very scary and I'm glad you know that you need to stop drinking. Try to not worry about the label 'alcoholic'. It's not about how often you drink or even how much you drink, but what happens to you when you drink. And, you black out and put yourself in danger. Stopping drinking is the way to go.
You're right, the term functional alcoholic is kind of meaningless. There may be a time in an alcoholic's life where he can maintain a job, a home, etc, but alcoholism is progressive and will worsen unless it's stopped.
There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Welcome to the forum.
I was probably where you are at in 1996, I lost count how many relapses I had since that time and professional treatments. All I can tell you and pretty much guarantee you is it gets worse.
Many of us wish we could change the past, for me I wish I knew in 1996 what I know today and the progressive damage that was coming. This sickness takes its time in many cases until it's ultimate goal being our lives.
All the best and thanks for sharing
Andrew
I was probably where you are at in 1996, I lost count how many relapses I had since that time and professional treatments. All I can tell you and pretty much guarantee you is it gets worse.
Many of us wish we could change the past, for me I wish I knew in 1996 what I know today and the progressive damage that was coming. This sickness takes its time in many cases until it's ultimate goal being our lives.
All the best and thanks for sharing
Andrew
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 166
Dear 99, you are in a really scary place right now. I know how terrifying and shameful blackouts are. I feel for you. You listed a lot of reasons why you might not have a problem, like work or friendships, but lots of us call that your Alcoholic Voice (AV) trying to give you reasons to drink. If you are wondering if you have a problem that is a big sign. No one can really decide but you but think about what kind of life you want to have. Sending you hope. John
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Hgx,
Hi and welcome.
Smart for checking out its site before you suddenly become disfunctional. E.g. alcohol related incedent where you end up in jail vs taken home by friends.
Alcohol is a toxin and it causes brain damage. It is progressive.
The brain damage you currently have is the desire...need...to binge drink.
Try to stop and you will suffer from anxiety. This is alcohol induced.
Think about it. Normal people don't binge drink. My wife has 1 drink every 3 months or so.
I didn't know any of this until I came here. This place saved my good life.
Don't believe the hype. Alcohol is a government sanctioned toxin.
Hi and welcome.
Smart for checking out its site before you suddenly become disfunctional. E.g. alcohol related incedent where you end up in jail vs taken home by friends.
Alcohol is a toxin and it causes brain damage. It is progressive.
The brain damage you currently have is the desire...need...to binge drink.
Try to stop and you will suffer from anxiety. This is alcohol induced.
Think about it. Normal people don't binge drink. My wife has 1 drink every 3 months or so.
I didn't know any of this until I came here. This place saved my good life.
Don't believe the hype. Alcohol is a government sanctioned toxin.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome hgxl 99 - we're so glad you're here to talk things over.
I once drank the way you describe, but I did nothing about it. After many years of playing with fire, I found myself completely dependent on it. I was drinking all day. I can't believe I allowed myself to get so trapped. It's good you're looking at what's going on. Very glad you found us.
I once drank the way you describe, but I did nothing about it. After many years of playing with fire, I found myself completely dependent on it. I was drinking all day. I can't believe I allowed myself to get so trapped. It's good you're looking at what's going on. Very glad you found us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 2
JohnQPublic
I'm sorry if my post seemed like I was making excuses; that was not my intent. I merely wanted to portray where I'm starting from.
I realized that I have a definite problem with binge drinking, and that I need to remove alcohol from my life, no excuses, but I'm also not quite in a place where my life is in freefall, so recovery options might be different than if it was. I want to prevent getting to that point, but I'm not coming from it.
I'm sorry if my post seemed like I was making excuses; that was not my intent. I merely wanted to portray where I'm starting from.
I realized that I have a definite problem with binge drinking, and that I need to remove alcohol from my life, no excuses, but I'm also not quite in a place where my life is in freefall, so recovery options might be different than if it was. I want to prevent getting to that point, but I'm not coming from it.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Alcoholism is not a destination it is a cronic and progressive disease. The only difference is where on the continuum we find ourselves.
If you are like most of us you will find quitting a little more difficult than you imagine. Quitting is easy. Staying quit is a whole other story but as many can attest it can be done
If you are like most of us you will find quitting a little more difficult than you imagine. Quitting is easy. Staying quit is a whole other story but as many can attest it can be done
It's good that you're quitting before something really bad happens.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Hi 99
Welcome on board!
Like you, I was a binge drinker. And I think that can be the hardest type of drinking to spot a problem. Because going 2-3 days without a drink isn't much of an issue. And I used that as a reason to feel I didn't have a drinking problem. For over 30 years. And when things got out of hand, blackouts, humiliations, I always had an excuse. The waiter kept topping up my wine so I couldn't keep track of the units, or the beer was stronger than usual, or I didn't know the pub had a late license and I'd paced myself for earlier closing, or I'd forgotten to eat before going out or, or, or...
So yes, it's great that you've realised that you have a problem, and the best option is to quit now. While you're ahead, so to speak. That blackout is definitely a sign of things to come. I've had too many to count, even during times when I was convinced I was moderating successfully.
So have a good read around all the different sections of the forum, where pretty much every method for quitting drinking is covered. Find the one that fits best with your personality. Ask questions. Get advice. And know that you've definitely come to the right place for all the support you could want. Finding these forums has absolutely changed my life for the better. I'm sure it can do the same for you.
Welcome on board!
Like you, I was a binge drinker. And I think that can be the hardest type of drinking to spot a problem. Because going 2-3 days without a drink isn't much of an issue. And I used that as a reason to feel I didn't have a drinking problem. For over 30 years. And when things got out of hand, blackouts, humiliations, I always had an excuse. The waiter kept topping up my wine so I couldn't keep track of the units, or the beer was stronger than usual, or I didn't know the pub had a late license and I'd paced myself for earlier closing, or I'd forgotten to eat before going out or, or, or...
So yes, it's great that you've realised that you have a problem, and the best option is to quit now. While you're ahead, so to speak. That blackout is definitely a sign of things to come. I've had too many to count, even during times when I was convinced I was moderating successfully.
So have a good read around all the different sections of the forum, where pretty much every method for quitting drinking is covered. Find the one that fits best with your personality. Ask questions. Get advice. And know that you've definitely come to the right place for all the support you could want. Finding these forums has absolutely changed my life for the better. I'm sure it can do the same for you.
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