as weak as iam
Earth Child
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posts: 2,004
as weak as iam
https://youtu.be/O0-IRsX3H-0
am weak i do things because i am scared
scared of being fat scared of being alone
scared of having fightings with my husband over a password of a forums am addicted to
best thing for me would be no internet or the forum that am addicted to is shut down but that is very unlikely
i got to learn to stay away from there i got to learn that i shouldnt need to block it just because i cant deal with life
I guess what am saying is that i need help
am on line for about 15 hours a day sometimes more and sometime
less
Borderline Personality Disorder / Obsessive Compulsive Disorder /Asperger's/ Avoidance Personality Disorder / and other labels
they like to give me
what happens to people who cant fight there addictions ? they died there life is ruined there lifes are worthless
Am i worthless if i choose the addiction ???
Am i ???
am weak i do things because i am scared
scared of being fat scared of being alone
scared of having fightings with my husband over a password of a forums am addicted to
best thing for me would be no internet or the forum that am addicted to is shut down but that is very unlikely
i got to learn to stay away from there i got to learn that i shouldnt need to block it just because i cant deal with life
I guess what am saying is that i need help
am on line for about 15 hours a day sometimes more and sometime
less
Borderline Personality Disorder / Obsessive Compulsive Disorder /Asperger's/ Avoidance Personality Disorder / and other labels
they like to give me
what happens to people who cant fight there addictions ? they died there life is ruined there lifes are worthless
Am i worthless if i choose the addiction ???
Am i ???
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,348
Hi Lily,
in all the time I've known you you've fought your demons - I don't think of you as weak at all - it takes a lot of strength to keep that fight up.
I think that you, like me can be prone to obsessive thoughts tho...
I don't think blocking the site, or having your husband changing your password, for now is necessarily a cheat or a bad thing.
I don't think you're worthless, and I don;t think the friends I've had who died from their addictions are worthless either.
Some of us, for whatever reason, get to be survivors.
I take that privilege very seriously,
D
in all the time I've known you you've fought your demons - I don't think of you as weak at all - it takes a lot of strength to keep that fight up.
I think that you, like me can be prone to obsessive thoughts tho...
I don't think blocking the site, or having your husband changing your password, for now is necessarily a cheat or a bad thing.
I don't think you're worthless, and I don;t think the friends I've had who died from their addictions are worthless either.
Some of us, for whatever reason, get to be survivors.
I take that privilege very seriously,
D
Earth Child
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posts: 2,004
i just feel exhausted
Today me and my husband went to pizza hut as we had a voucher off for food there i had to make myself eat the food
felt so disgusted with myself meant to be going to OA tomorrow and am scared ill be the biggest there i compare everyone to me i need to stop doing that
i need to try and think normally but am not normal am addicted
i dont see myself as strong ...i have so low option about myself ...
i dont see what everyone else sees in me
i dont understand why my husband wants to be with me
Today me and my husband went to pizza hut as we had a voucher off for food there i had to make myself eat the food
felt so disgusted with myself meant to be going to OA tomorrow and am scared ill be the biggest there i compare everyone to me i need to stop doing that
i need to try and think normally but am not normal am addicted
i dont see myself as strong ...i have so low option about myself ...
i dont see what everyone else sees in me
i dont understand why my husband wants to be with me
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Because he loves you? Because you are a kind worthy person?
I just saw that post where you are supportive of someone who is scared of going to their first meeting. Right there, the fact that even though you are struggling you found some kind words for someone else shows that you are a good person.
I agree with Dee that having your husband block the site is not a cheat or a bad thing. I am an alcoholic and I do not keep booze at home. You have body image issues, it's a good idea that you do not have easy access to those kinds of sites.
Like they say in AA, we will love you until you learn to love yourself
I just saw that post where you are supportive of someone who is scared of going to their first meeting. Right there, the fact that even though you are struggling you found some kind words for someone else shows that you are a good person.
I agree with Dee that having your husband block the site is not a cheat or a bad thing. I am an alcoholic and I do not keep booze at home. You have body image issues, it's a good idea that you do not have easy access to those kinds of sites.
Like they say in AA, we will love you until you learn to love yourself
Earth Child
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posts: 2,004
Thank you
i have my husband and you guys
its 2.13 am i should be in bed i took my night meds hours ago
Jesus is with me he wants me to do something for him but i cant tell anyone ill be blasphemous if i do .
i need to sleep but i need to do this thing for Jesus
thank you all
https://youtu.be/XPPMSfCdUng
i have my husband and you guys
its 2.13 am i should be in bed i took my night meds hours ago
Jesus is with me he wants me to do something for him but i cant tell anyone ill be blasphemous if i do .
i need to sleep but i need to do this thing for Jesus
thank you all
https://youtu.be/XPPMSfCdUng
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