I hope this is the place to start
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 15
I hope this is the place to start
I've been drinking since I was 14. Not hard, not often, high school stuff mostly. Drinking is a part of my life an the only time I haven't drank was when I was pregnant with my 2 boys.
Every occasion I attend or plan involves alcohol. It's become worse over the years. My husband left the boys and I, my mom died, I had kidney cancer and every time **** happened, I drank.
I tried cocaine about 4 years ago and life was magic again. Not a lot at first. Here and there, every 6 months and then 2 years ago fixing my house to sell threw me in a tailspin. So much to do, so overwhelming, and beer and coke made it perfect.
I'm now spending up to $500 a month on coke and beer and I see no way out. I come home after work to do lines and drink beer and come alive and forget what I have to do to sell the house.
I took out a $40,000 home equity loan for property fix ups and at least $5,000 of that was drugs.
I've lost friends and am no longer myself. I'm so tired of it all.
My son is a heroin addict and now I know how he feels.
I'm afraid to go to AA or NA meetings because I'm embarassed I will see someone I know.
I cried for 4 hours yesterday, praying for help. I finally called a friend a told him everything.
I just want help.
I don't want this life.
Every occasion I attend or plan involves alcohol. It's become worse over the years. My husband left the boys and I, my mom died, I had kidney cancer and every time **** happened, I drank.
I tried cocaine about 4 years ago and life was magic again. Not a lot at first. Here and there, every 6 months and then 2 years ago fixing my house to sell threw me in a tailspin. So much to do, so overwhelming, and beer and coke made it perfect.
I'm now spending up to $500 a month on coke and beer and I see no way out. I come home after work to do lines and drink beer and come alive and forget what I have to do to sell the house.
I took out a $40,000 home equity loan for property fix ups and at least $5,000 of that was drugs.
I've lost friends and am no longer myself. I'm so tired of it all.
My son is a heroin addict and now I know how he feels.
I'm afraid to go to AA or NA meetings because I'm embarassed I will see someone I know.
I cried for 4 hours yesterday, praying for help. I finally called a friend a told him everything.
I just want help.
I don't want this life.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Welcome, Pinked!
I believe that support and learning from others are they keys to sobriety. You'll find lots of support here, but I feel that AA or NA meetings would be very helpful. I DID see other people I knew at meetings, and the only judgement on their part is a feeling of joy for seeing that I am seeking to end a life of misery. Everyone is there for the same purpose.
Read around and post often--it works if you work it!
(By the way, this section of the forum is for threads with more than 500 posts. One of the moderators will probably move this to the "Newcomers to Recovery" section, but in the mean time you may not see many replies to your post).
I believe that support and learning from others are they keys to sobriety. You'll find lots of support here, but I feel that AA or NA meetings would be very helpful. I DID see other people I knew at meetings, and the only judgement on their part is a feeling of joy for seeing that I am seeking to end a life of misery. Everyone is there for the same purpose.
Read around and post often--it works if you work it!
(By the way, this section of the forum is for threads with more than 500 posts. One of the moderators will probably move this to the "Newcomers to Recovery" section, but in the mean time you may not see many replies to your post).
Last edited by Coldfusion; 01-04-2016 at 12:24 PM. Reason: addition
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,198
Hi Pinked, welcome to Soberrecovery
Sorry to read what a tough time you have been through. The good news is that it doesn't have to go on like this. Lots of people use AA or NA but many do not, the most important thing is deciding that you want to stop and the making a plan to do so.
One thing in your favour is that you have a job so this not only provides an income but also keeps you occupied during the day so it will be the evenings when you need something to take your mind off drink/cocaine (i should say I have no experience of cocaine use but plenty iro booze)
ColdFusion is correct in saying this post should be in the Newcomers to Recovery section - a moderator should move it soon or you could re-post it yourself (a pain i know) When you do go there read some other posts as well as there is a lot of helpful advice
Sorry to read what a tough time you have been through. The good news is that it doesn't have to go on like this. Lots of people use AA or NA but many do not, the most important thing is deciding that you want to stop and the making a plan to do so.
One thing in your favour is that you have a job so this not only provides an income but also keeps you occupied during the day so it will be the evenings when you need something to take your mind off drink/cocaine (i should say I have no experience of cocaine use but plenty iro booze)
ColdFusion is correct in saying this post should be in the Newcomers to Recovery section - a moderator should move it soon or you could re-post it yourself (a pain i know) When you do go there read some other posts as well as there is a lot of helpful advice
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