back2thegoodME

I feel horrible, hopeless, sad, sick, scared, alone. I am crying all morning. I hate this. I want to feel good that I am making a decision to improve my life by being sober. But I dont know how. and my boyfriend will leave me if I chose sobriety. Although my family will be proud of me (except for the drinkers in my family) if I quit drinking and my dog will be so happy!

teatreeoil007

I would do whatever keeps the dog happy! All kidding aside-you really need to do what's best for you independent of what others think or how they will react.

Anna

Take a leap of faith and leave all the negatives behind. Please don't worry about your family at this point, or your dog, or your boyfriend. Focus on yourself and stop drinking and begin to live a sober life. If your boyfriend leaves, then he wasn't the right one for you. Of course your family will be proud and your dog will be thrilled, but it's you that you are doing this for.

Ruby2

I didn't want to stop drinking. I thought my life would be over. I couldn't imagine what I would or could do without alcohol in my life. I cried, I was angry and felt hopeless.

The best part is those feelings get better the longer you stay sober. Do this for you. If alcohol isn't working for you, remove if from your life. Then you can decide what relationships you wish to hang onto. You may not want your boyfriend if he continues drinking. A relationship based on alcohol isn't much of a relationship.

Welcome to SR. Read around. You can learn a lot here and get solid support.

ALinNS

Welcome, for me there is nothing on this earth more important than staying sober as I love life, I won't let anything get in the journey I have laid out before me, I know where it has led me in the past and its all destruction, I finally said no more in early December. If people do not understand or will not accept I can't drink it's their problem, not mine.

I wish the very best for you

Andrew

Upward2Enlightenment

As the others have said, do what's best for you. If your boyfriend leaves because you got sober, he wasn't meant for you.

PurpleKnight

When I got Sober I really needed people to be serious about how serious my decision was, I was talking life or death, and anyone who couldn't handle that or thought that wasn't important enough to stick around for, I had no room for them in my life, where they really the people I needed by my side in a future crisis?

In time there will be light at the tunnel, but we gotta take that first leap of faith, we've all been there, we know the feelings, but we also know the reward in time!!

You can do this!!

JohnQPublic

You know people are great for support, love, and companionship while recovering but in the end you have to do the work for your self. You need to put you and your well being first and make positive choices for your life. I know you can do it. There is lots of help out there and we are all pulling for you. I also know the crying, self loathing. You will feel better about yourself. Sending you hope and courage. John

SoberinSyracuse

Someone who loves you will cheer and support any decision that is good for you.

At 49, I've been around the block a few times. I've had men who didn't want me to accept promotions, men who didn't want me to get in shape, men who didn't want me to invest. I'm sorry, friend, but women very often are with men who do not want to see the best for them.

Don't sweat what to do with the relationship. Lean into your own wellbeing, and let the relationship fall where it may. I hope you'll trust me on this. If your current realtionship fizzles because you are taking yourself to a higher level, believe me that another and better relationship will appear.

Like attracts like.

Do it for you -- not family, boyfriend, or dog.

teatreeoil007

Anyone who prefers the drunk you over the sober you needs their head examined. It's hard but it takes a leap of faith. Change can be trying for most of us, even positive change.

FormerWineGirl

Hi back2thegoodME, full disclosure here: I am really, really metaphorically biting my tongue about the boyfriend, as I shy away from commenting on relationships. BUT.... for anyone, especially a loved one to rather see you suffering, (arguably so they can feel better about themselves), as opposed to seeing you become well? Something is very wrong with that picture.

sourbaby1986

Hey there - in also new and pretty miserable! My brain is totally obsessed now that I have quit.

I have no advice! Just saying hi and hat I understand. I'm really afraid I will lose all my friends. My ability to network at work. My charisma. My productivity. My identity is tied up in drugs and alcohol, and I don't want it to be that way anymore.

For me, to stop drinking/using means losing my identity. That's scary!!!

Lots of love, beauty.

Vona71

Just wanted to add that my father was very proud of me for quitting, and he is a very heavy drinker. Has been as long as I can remember. Those who love you will be there. . My closest friends, who I was worried would slip away, have been by my side and really supportive. Believe or not, all three of them decided to lay off boozing for three months. xoxo

teatreeoil007

hmmmmm,

An identity based on or around alcohol and drugs...Okay: I sure can see how that could happen! I think we all tend to build our identities over the years. Part of this is our ego at play....our concept of who we are....do we feel good about the identity we currently have of ourselves....or not? You're not a bad person for using substances....BUT: Are you truly happy? I get the impression from reading your posts that you are not happy.

So, even though you have a certain identity and maybe you've worked hard over the years to build it...is it a happy identity? It's true that none of us can be GUARANTEED happiness by doing "X.." or abstaining from "Y"....but if where you are at right now is unhappy AND unhealthy, I wonder what you would REALLY stand to lose by being sober...

On a positive note: it's TOTALLY doable for you to find out who you really are...you DO have an identity....Are you ever going to be able to recognize it while your mind is being altered by substances?.

Blessed Be....