I am so weak
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: kent
Posts: 39
I am so weak
Well I failed, yes I know I am stupid. Last night I let my husband talk me into to having a drink!!! One glass of wine wont hurt me he says, and 2 bottles later here I am again in the morning feeling like crap. I can't believe how weak I am, gonna get back on that horse and try again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by zigzagging 
One glass of wine wont hurt me he says, and 2 bottles later here I am again in the morning feeling like crap.
You may wish to have a serious heart to heart talk with him.
Husbands need to look over and care for their wife's.
M-Bob
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
It's got to be hard when someones pressuring you into a drink, however gently - but the bottom line is we know one glass will hurt us because it never ends with that one glass....we can't afford to forget that.
Can you speak to your husband?
He doesn't need to understand the ins and outs but he needs to be on board & he does need to respect what you're trying to do here zigzagging
D
Can you speak to your husband?
He doesn't need to understand the ins and outs but he needs to be on board & he does need to respect what you're trying to do here zigzagging
D
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by zigzagging
Well I failed, yes I know I am stupid.
You have not failed. You are still in pre-success mode.
You are not stupid, you are human.
Tell your husband to either be helpful or get the Hell out of your way, because you are doing this!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I used to let people "twist my arm" to get high. It shifted the blame to them. Once I was serious about recovery I became accountable to myself. No one is going to talk me into using or drinking.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
I echo the above and in my case I can tell you one is too many and 24 is never enough and because I binge I simply can not stop without professional help. First step is to stop then talk to your better half and explain what is going on. It's a start.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Zig, I had to come to an understanding with my husband too. We drank normally together for many years....he stayed normal, I continued into an addictive abyss.
When my drinking eventually escalated he would say, "no drinking tonight, ok?" or "just have one", or "please don't drink until 10PM" and then "WHY and WHEN in one night did you drink 2 bottles??" Not intending harm, but he tried to help me moderate- not understanding that it is completely impossible because I don't have an off switch!
He didn't get it....until I took alcohol completely out of the equation and my sobriety has corrected just about everything that was upside down in our lives. Still he doesn't completely understand, but accepts it. And now, he would never even suggest I drink.
On the few occasions I have said, boy I would really like a glass of wine, he says- "you should think that through; maybe log onto 'Your Site" (ala SR) and talk about it"
So have the conversation, and then get into action. If you put alcohol down for good, the improvements will be amazing!
When my drinking eventually escalated he would say, "no drinking tonight, ok?" or "just have one", or "please don't drink until 10PM" and then "WHY and WHEN in one night did you drink 2 bottles??" Not intending harm, but he tried to help me moderate- not understanding that it is completely impossible because I don't have an off switch!
He didn't get it....until I took alcohol completely out of the equation and my sobriety has corrected just about everything that was upside down in our lives. Still he doesn't completely understand, but accepts it. And now, he would never even suggest I drink.
On the few occasions I have said, boy I would really like a glass of wine, he says- "you should think that through; maybe log onto 'Your Site" (ala SR) and talk about it"
So have the conversation, and then get into action. If you put alcohol down for good, the improvements will be amazing!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,343
I feel for you Zig... my hubby misses his "drinking buddy," but I had to do this for myself and not worry about what he thinks or does... Fast forward 7.5 months, and I think he still misses his drinking buddy, but doesn't even suggest it now. We all know that having "just one" never works for the alcoholic. You are not stupid or a failure. Stick close to SR. We're all here to help.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
You're not a failure, nor are you stupid. I used to let people talk me into having "just one" but I knew that it never ends up being just one. Not even "just one" bottle would do.
Talk to your husband. If he isn't helpful, or doesn't wish to be supportive, you'll have to do it without him. It's harder but it can be done. My husband was still drinking when I quit. I had to focus on me and only on me. Come here if you need support. Reach out in real life. You can do it.
Talk to your husband. If he isn't helpful, or doesn't wish to be supportive, you'll have to do it without him. It's harder but it can be done. My husband was still drinking when I quit. I had to focus on me and only on me. Come here if you need support. Reach out in real life. You can do it.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
I don't think you're a failure or stupid. Kind of the opposite in fact. You gleaned an important piece of information about how to improve your sobriety plan. Now you know that you will be very tempted if your husband offers/encourages a drink. Just figure out now what you need to do when that happens in order to remain sober.
Hopefully he'll be supportive, but even if he's not, prepare a plan and be ready to remain sober when offered a drink.
Hopefully he'll be supportive, but even if he's not, prepare a plan and be ready to remain sober when offered a drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: kent
Posts: 39
Thanks everyone for your support and kind words, I have tried to talk to him, he seems to think that I am just doing the "dry January" bit, even though I have said no I want to do this for longer than that. He has decided to join me well at least for January! Although having said that, he is at this time in the pub.
Can I ask what others do to take there mind off the drinking, I am finding it hard to not reach out for that glass of wine as it has been a daily habit for so long. I suppose it's like when people stop smoking they find it hard to know what to do with their hands.
Can I ask what others do to take there mind off the drinking, I am finding it hard to not reach out for that glass of wine as it has been a daily habit for so long. I suppose it's like when people stop smoking they find it hard to know what to do with their hands.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by zigzagging
Can I ask what others do to take there mind off the drinking, I am finding it hard to not reach out for that glass of wine as it has been a daily habit for so long.
Activities help, but they are merely distractions. You are just going to have to accumulate enough sober time for the thoughts of drinking to weaken. And they will.
Good luck.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
zigzagging, Welcome 
I found a wealth of information here on SR. I read daily here, it is both inspiring and educational for me. They say - the more you know
I look forward to seeing you progress
I found a wealth of information here on SR. I read daily here, it is both inspiring and educational for me. They say - the more you know
I look forward to seeing you progress
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
We're dealing with an addiction so you're not stupid, don't beat yourself up, it's done, we can't change the past, only the future .
For me though I needed realise willpower sometimes wasn't going to be enough, having support in times of temptation was going to see me through, and dealing with people around me was a apart of that.
Talk to your husband and make it clear your in this for the longterm, but also use the support here on SR, support is only as good as it''s utilised, and there will be plenty of folks here to talk you out of drinking, without a doubt if you post!!
You can do this!!
For me though I needed realise willpower sometimes wasn't going to be enough, having support in times of temptation was going to see me through, and dealing with people around me was a apart of that.
Talk to your husband and make it clear your in this for the longterm, but also use the support here on SR, support is only as good as it''s utilised, and there will be plenty of folks here to talk you out of drinking, without a doubt if you post!!
You can do this!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Hi ZZ, a lot of my drinking friends didn't like me quitting because it was one drinking buddy less for them and they wanted the madness to continue. Also, my wife, who doesn't drink much, downplayed at first what my quitting really meant and what that meant to our marriage. She didn't want to admit to herself that she was married to an alcoholic. I am not sure she 100% accepts that even now.
Ultimately, its our own responsibility to ensure that we stay sober and it takes big changes. It not a case of just stopping drinking. I will give you an example. My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year, I then gave her a copy of the book "under the influence" which very clearly explains the physical aspects of why and how an alcoholic is an alcoholic and I asked her to read it, cover to cover, every word. I told her that that was my present from her. It took her two weeks but she did it and she is now much more supportive and understanding as to what I am dealing with. Its just a small example but it does take focus, a clear commitment and support to get there.
As others have said I think you need to be clear with your husband that you are an alcoholic and that means you can never drink in moderation again. That you cannot drink again, ever. Whether he likes it or not. Thats how it needs to be moving forward and that it will be great, with time. Also, that you require his commitment to support you in this.
One think you may want to consider, if your husband will be willing, is to make your house an alcohol free zone. You could try it for January and then reassess at that time. This will help you get through your first month. Two weeks before Xmas I packed all the alcohol I had in the apartment into a large box and gave it to a stranger in the street!
I really encourage you to spend your free time reading through this site. Honesty, all the questions are in here and all the experience and answers also. You will be astonished how well you understand your condition and what you need to do after a couple of weeks of daily reading here. Good luck.....let me tell you that you are far, far away from being a failure. On the contrary, you have taken a big step in the only direction that makes sense.
Ultimately, its our own responsibility to ensure that we stay sober and it takes big changes. It not a case of just stopping drinking. I will give you an example. My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year, I then gave her a copy of the book "under the influence" which very clearly explains the physical aspects of why and how an alcoholic is an alcoholic and I asked her to read it, cover to cover, every word. I told her that that was my present from her. It took her two weeks but she did it and she is now much more supportive and understanding as to what I am dealing with. Its just a small example but it does take focus, a clear commitment and support to get there.
As others have said I think you need to be clear with your husband that you are an alcoholic and that means you can never drink in moderation again. That you cannot drink again, ever. Whether he likes it or not. Thats how it needs to be moving forward and that it will be great, with time. Also, that you require his commitment to support you in this.
One think you may want to consider, if your husband will be willing, is to make your house an alcohol free zone. You could try it for January and then reassess at that time. This will help you get through your first month. Two weeks before Xmas I packed all the alcohol I had in the apartment into a large box and gave it to a stranger in the street!
I really encourage you to spend your free time reading through this site. Honesty, all the questions are in here and all the experience and answers also. You will be astonished how well you understand your condition and what you need to do after a couple of weeks of daily reading here. Good luck.....let me tell you that you are far, far away from being a failure. On the contrary, you have taken a big step in the only direction that makes sense.
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