Notices

I'm So Very, Very Sad Today

Old 01-03-2016, 09:12 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
 
SoberinSyracuse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
I'm So Very, Very Sad Today

As my sobriety date approaches, I'm starting to grieve. My feelings about giving up alcohol are like those following my divorce. Grief for the history and life we built together, the fun we had, the comfortable familiarity. Coming home and connecting at the end of the day, going to sleep and waking up together. The mussy-haired mornings we shared, and the black-tie evenings.

It's like standing at the doorway, suitcase in hand. That moment when you struggle to walk out but your whole soul is crying. You want to turn around and say, "No. I'm not leaving you. I love you. We can make this work. We just both need to try a little harder."

I'm actually crying as I share this.
SoberinSyracuse is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 09:19 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jecrois2016's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 64
Or...

You can kick that beast in the head and start a fabulous new life! Without alcohol.
Jecrois2016 is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 09:26 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
JD
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
What you're going thru is very common. You're changing your life for the better, but your old life is what you know and is comfortable. Change usually isn't comfortable, even though you know it's necessary.
JD is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 09:34 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
DG0409's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
I try to think of it like an abusive relationship.

Sure, there was a time before the abuse started that you thought alcohol was the love of your life. Everything was great and you thought you'd get married and be happy ever after.

Then came the getting jealous over other things in your life. Demanding more and more of your time and attention. Hurting you, just a little at first, until you got used to it and them ramping up the pain.

Controlling you. Telling you what to do and when to do it... (You need a drink now. No, you can't go to the movies, there's no alcohol sold at the theater). Telling you who you could spend time with (Do you really want to hang out with ______ when they disapprove of you drinking?)

Destroying your health, your piece of mind, your finances, your relationships, your sense of self, your boundaries about what is and what is not ok in life.

And just when you get ready to leave, reminding you of the good times and promising to change. But then as soon as you agree to stick around, the abuse ramps up even more.

It is hard to leave. But the longer you're gone, your sanity starts to return and you'll start to wonder how you could have ever put up with the abuse for so long. Sure, there will be times when you miss that dream of living happily ever after together. But that dream was never going to be the reality. Sure, you'll miss the good times... but then those were fewer and further between until they became practically non-existent.

Mostly you'll be thankful to be free. To have your life and your sanity and your friends back and not worrying about when the next time alcohol is going to hurt you again.
DG0409 is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 09:35 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Marchia in Aeternum
 
trachemys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
We can make this work. We just both need to try a little harder.
You can try a little harder to control it and it can try a little harder to kill you.

How will you miss that?
trachemys is online now  
Old 01-03-2016, 09:36 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,331
Have you read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It's amazing, a memoir by a young, high-functioning woman and her love affair with alcohol. Reading her story was the first time I felt like, 'if she can do it, I can do it.
Anna is online now  
Old 01-03-2016, 10:08 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
If a wife or girlfriend treated me the way alcohol did, I'd have shown them the door much sooner than I did with alcohol!!

I'd say like most of us if you peel away the fairytales, the romanticism and the myth . . . alcohol was causing you misery, it's important to keep things in perspective!!
PurpleKnight is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 10:13 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Yes. I remember feeling like my life had ended. Luckily I found out that it was actually just starting. Breaking up with Alcohol led me to a place where I could be happy; joyous; and FREE. Admittedly, not straight away, but the people I met who were sober and had a healthy recovery were able to offer me enough hope to get me past the immediate painful period.

What are your plans for recovery? Have you started on them yet? If not, it might be a good idea to start on that. Starting with a list of what Alcohol has done to hurt you and your life; your relationships; your reputation; etc. during this great romance. You AV (addictive voice) is doing a great job crowing about all the supposed great stuff it's done, and while you listen to it, and even muddle it with your own rational thinking, you're letting your AV weaken your resolve.

Call time on your AV, and pull it up on this bulls**t it's feeding you. If alcohol was that great you wouldn't even be thinking about quitting. But you ARE. And you came here. So that AV is wrong, wrong, wrong. Indulging in the 'Romanticising Alcohol' line of thought is really dangerous for our chances of making a good crack at sobriety.

Wishing you all the best for your journey to sobriety, and through recovery to peace, joy and serenity.
Berrybean is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 10:19 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,673
I thought I was going to miss it too. I hated giving it up. But the longer I'm sober, the more I realize I'm far better off without it. In fact, the guy at the drive thru told me I look ten years younger since I'm not drinking. I guess it was pretty noticeable....
least is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 10:21 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
ALinNS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
I feel for what you are experiencing having been there, in my case all I have to do is go for a walk and start thinking of everything it has destroyed and taken away in my life, my AV does not love me or care for Andrew, it wants my life, it's not going to have it or be any part of it and I don't look back at locking it up and throwing the key away.
ALinNS is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 10:24 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 166
Dear Sober, That is a completely normal reaction. Most of us have felt it and in psychology we know that breaking the cycle of addiction is very similar to grief and loss of a relationship or loved one. Once something becomes part of your everyday life, part of your coping system, even if it is a substance and not a person there is still a real feeling of loss. I feel for you and send you hope. John
JohnQPublic is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 10:36 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Tears of sobriety = the real you trust me its going to be ok
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 10:48 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
 
SoberinSyracuse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Thanks! You guys really are the best. You get it. You totally get it.

I sent an email to the man who will be my recovery coach to let him know I'm struggling with this...but I'll bet he already anticipates that.

The treatment I'll be receiving has been very effective for others in stabilizing and improving their moods, so I look forward to that.

I am using humor, pointing out to myself that I'm anthropomorphizing alcohol, giving it feelings as if it were a person. I'm reminding myself that I've left toxic relationships before (funny how those are sometimes that hardest to let go) and quickly felt relieved. I'm going to start romanticizing what it will be like to feel healthy, get my looks back, and maybe someday meet a charming gent who is not a user/boozer. Fancy that!

I'm going to get the book recommended here, and add it to my reading list during the 10 days I spend hooked up to an IV. And, I'm going to optimistically plan to start an exercise program during my detox. They tell me I will be feeling quite spunky in just a few days and if that turns out to be true....why not hit the hotel gym?

I'm not a bad catch and I'm pretty sure I can find a better lover than alcohol.
SoberinSyracuse is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 10:58 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
robzna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 3
For me I cannot think about walking away from the love of my life forever. But today I need to do what is best for me. What is best for me is not drinking or drugging and talk to my sober support group. This is what keeps me grounded in sanity rather then chasing a fantasy life that I created for myself
robzna is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 11:20 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
quat
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,819
Wish you the best with your detox, you can do this and good on you for making the decision to quit. By all means it the ground running and make use of that gym.
The best advice/experience I can share is that if/when early in your quit you feel you want to drink and feel like you miss it terribly, it does Not mean you have not quit or that the time isn't right . It may/will be the addiction struggling to hold to its pathetic existence , the one we facilitate, the one that will eventually kill us. Stay resolved , choke out the last gasps of the addiction, it will be trying every mind game in the book , don't fool yourself this is the right way forward , the best decision. Experiencing the wanting/desire/urges/cravings ect are not signs of not having quit, stay resolved , be strong, you got can do this. In time, you will hopefully look back on this thread , point it out to fellow travellers astonished at how strong the hold of addiction was.
Time takes time, a very poignant and true phrase I have seen here on SR, and so true , stay resolved through that time and be ready for the 'it gets better'time , because that part is true , too.
wish you well
dwtbd is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 11:28 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: London
Posts: 367
Good luck with your new life. Alcohol was the most insensere friend i ever had. It built me up to be the life and soul of the party, to then stab me in the back when i was no longer aware of my surroundings. It made me in to a laughing stock amongst those who used to respect me, and it made me into a week pitiful untrustworthy excuse of a person to those who truly loved me. I hated it by the end and dont ever want it back in my life.
zlhzlh is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 11:33 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
What about all the bad times? Alcohol effected me in a bad way more than it helped me. Haha. When I gave up drinking it was an end to my pathetic, loser life, and a beginning to the wonderful life I live today.
SoberLife90 is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 11:38 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Brother of the Wolf
 
SweatyHands's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
It's possible that some of your sadness is an involuntary reaction to jumping down to four units instead of eight. But, since you didn't have any serious physical symptoms from the change, hopefully your brain chemistry will level out quickly as well. During the first days of my most recent detox, I had crazy mood swings and occasional bouts of crippling anxiety. I wasn't even at the point of physical dependency, but my history with alcohol is etched into my brain, and starting back up and then quitting again was enough to mess with my brain chemistry. But, instead of letting it throw me into a tailspin of trying to chase away the sadness and fear, I talked to my sober support system, did some exercise, cleaned the house, and instead of setting off on a bender, I kept racking up sober days.
SweatyHands is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 11:54 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Thread Starter
 
SoberinSyracuse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
That's a very good point, SweatyHands. Tapering is uncomfortable, with all kinds of mood swings. And that sudden drop I just did is a a likely culprit for both the wild "smoothie" dream and today's crying jag.

And now I'm laughing like a crazy person again, remembering the dream. Good thing my roomie's not home or I might be in a straightjacket. :-)
SoberinSyracuse is offline  
Old 01-03-2016, 12:05 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Recoverer of Self
 
rahrah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 297
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Have you read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It's amazing, a memoir by a young, high-functioning woman and her love affair with alcohol. Reading her story was the first time I felt like, 'if she can do it, I can do it.
I concur!!! This is an amazing read...
And I know how you feel!!! Everytime I broke up with my DOC...I would grieve for it..I romanticized about it...like an estranged lover....a really good one!!!!
But I was romanticizing about an abusive lover...one that actually kicked my ass, humiliated me, took all my money, dignity, self respect...cost me jobs, loved ones, places to live...you name it!!! How could I MISS all that!?
rahrah is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:46 AM.