Step12

I'm kind of bummed out right now. My fiancé's niece really likes me and I was supposed to go over there for dinner tonight. I just can't be around anybody. I want privacy and sleep. I don't want to clean or get up to do anything. Fiancé just called to say I hope your back really does hurt because she is sad you are not here. I feel bad but I am very selfish. My fiancé was ripping the covers off of me earlier threatening to leave me because I won't do anything.

SoberinSyracuse

Oh!! Oh!! This was me a day or two ago!!

Your problem getting moving is not due to a character defect. It's the toxicity of alcohol, and/or the withdrawal.

Sorry your fiance is so bent, but I think you have to put yourself first right now.

I've learned from my two relapses that a big trigger to drink was when I was pushing myself to try to meet other's expectations.

Just my two cents.

PurpleKnight

Does your fiance know about your commitment to Sobriety?

Sometimes people just see and don't understand, but letting them in may be a way forward!!

teatreeoil007

Totally understand how you feel. You want to burrow in right now and not be disturbed. Some people just cannot understand that let alone accept it. It doesn't help to be berated for what is viewed as lacking at this time; just adds another stressor that you don't need right now. I think many folks see it as a character flaw rather than truly being sick. But, let's say they do see it as being sick. There are those who are just more patient and kind with sick people and there are those who aren't.

I think I would also view this time period as a test to some character traits in your fiance; including what his/his family's expectations are of you and how they react when you don't meet those expectations.....

Sure they love you; perhaps adore you....that's not what is probably in question here. I have found that sometimes the more people love and adore you the more they tend to EXPECT out of you as well and that can be a double edged sword.

lisatryingagain

I can relate, I just called work and rang in sick for the next two days. I will have had a week off.

Its a fine balance between resting and isolating, but considering we have been putting poison into our bodies rest is important.

Step12

No I'm not detoxing or anything. I just don't want to deal with life. Tomorrow I'm gonna get up and clean out some old rooms that have got crud in them. I'm not looking forward to doing it. I think that might be why am so depressed. And now he doesn't understand alcoholism he says that I'm week minded

Step12

Oh and his family totally understood they're really good people are pretty normal actually. This is all with in my head because I'm not being very truthful about why I wasn't there I just couldn't do it.

Step12

I agree with people expecting a lot of you and I love you I totally agree with that

teatreeoil007

Okay, I just assumed you were detoxing.

BUT, it's still not unheard of or weird to just have days where you lack motivation or don't want to deal with stuff! Totally get that. When I was the most depressed in my life, I had days where I just couldn't seem to get out of bed...An occasional day or two like that is one thing, but it was happening too often in my case.

What you've got planned tomorrow sounds great! When something is sort of "hanging over our heads" that needs doing it bothers/nags at us til we get it done. I used to be able to take on cleaning projects like a fervor a few decades ago...now I find I have to sort of break it down more and pace myself.

Hang in there. Look forward to tomorrow morning; a fresh pot of coffee and good breakfast and check in; let us know how that cleaning project is going.

Dee74

Have you considered talking to your doctor about depression Step 12?

D

keeppushing

I second this.

KP

JohnQPublic

Hey Step. That's some hard ****, no doubt. You must take care of yourself first or you cant be a good woman for your guy. Maybe tell him if you don't work on yourself and get managed then what kind of wife would you be? Its in both of your interests to let you have the time to get well. I am thinking of you and wishing you well. Keep coming back. Sending you strength and hope. John

Redmayne

Just by way ofa general observation, mso no to be taken personally ...

As I understand the best form of relationships exist where the other person makes you happy in just being themselves, as you do them....

Equally so friendship exists where those involved provide each other with emotional support, which can be anything from shared laughter to dealing with more serious matters...

Both are built on mutual respect and trust.

In either case the words of your signature, 'To thyne own self be true ', are both wise, highly commendable and true, if only for the sake of maintaining your sobriety, which is the best relationship and friend any of us, in recovery can have!

Just a thought .... see my signature.

Anna

It's hard for others, like your fiancé, to understand alcoholism, so try to stay focused on what you know you need to do. As you begin to change in a positive way, hopefully your fiancé will see that.

I also think it could be helpful to talk to your dr about depression.