zlhzlh

Not feeling right, yesterday was my worse day .Up until now i have been feeling very positive and sleeping well, but yesterday i came home feeling anxious, lacking in confidence. I sat by the fire , just couldnt relax and i started thinking of how nice it would be to get steadily pissed by the fire on a full bodied red! I told my husband how i felt, he was amazing and held me tight, told me there was no way i was gonna drink, made me warm milk. I went to bed early, but almost hyperventilated whilst led down, sat up bolt right to catch my breath. Then spent most of the night fidgeting and being a pain, its not even 5am but i got up so my husband can sleep. I hope this passes, i feel like i can't open up to any of my friends, the only person who really knows me 'for better or for worse' is my husband, i am afraid of trying to be somebody that isnt me, i feel like i have lost my personality.....last drink day 21st Nov. Just hope this feeling passes, i absolutely do not want to go back to old me, but i just want to feel my sparkle everyday,its what makes me want to live life. Anybody else experiencing this early on?

Grizzly18

It will pass fast I'm on day 26 and had a bad time time 5 days ago. It only lasted 2 days. Stay strong and it will pass. Pulling for you.

Ruby2

Those feelings sometimes hit you from our of nowhere. Especially early on. I know it's uncomfortable just riding it out but you did. That's great and it's fantastic that you're husband is so supportive.

It will pass. It's not easy but it's worth it. Well done on your plus thirty days. That's great!

chrcarlson

zlhzlh- yes

23 days sober. Yesterday was the worst. Today I'm feeling fine. Lasted one day for me. I'm sure it will happen again. More good days than bad and I don't want to start over.

Jsober

Yes, it will pass. I go through those days too. Not sure where they come from but I try to accept them and just feel the feelings without too much analyzing. It's a work in progress for me.

zlhzlh

Thank you guys , i needed to hear this.

teatreeoil007

Yes, you are going to have times and days when you feel like the rug you should be standing on got yanked from under ya. You're also going to have days where you feel more of a VAGUE sense of unease and lacking sparkle.

But, you're also going to be having more and more days in which you feel that "Sparkle" coming back into your life without the aid of alcohol.

Alcohol has been your crutch; you've depended on it. That dependence tricks your mind into thinking it is bonafide "need" to sustain life. Well, it's not and tell yourself: "I think I want it, but I don't need it and I can feel better without it!"

zlhzlh

Feeling really emotional, not sure if its the bad night, or the fact that i am starting to realize that this is the way things are going to be. Thank you, i do have a super supportive husband, but has no issue with alcohol. He doesnt understand the hold it has over me.

teatreeoil007

This is a rough transition and you're gonna have days when you don't feel like yourself and wonder just who in heck you are! But, it passes and each day that passes by sober brings you closer to being restored back to the "you" that you want to be, full of sparkle and joy. You're still in the early weeks, so hang in there. It will all be worth it. Alcohol is just a bunch of empty calories that mess up your mind and hi-jacks the real you!

teatreeoil007

And you're right, the spouse does not fully understand, nor do they truly need to for us to do what we need to do. They may not understand what it was that 'drove you to drink' in the first place and we could get caught up in that type of mindset of wishing they understood better. Or, we can be thankful that we are with non-addicts who are very stable in that area of their lives... because we NEED that stability. All the issues that contributed to the addiction will need to be dealt with in due time. Some folks like to go at it all at once and get everything taken care of, wipe the slate clean, etc. But, for most us, it's a step by step process that is only rightly done when given the proper amount of time/attention.

MythOfSisyphus

Yeah, zlhzlh, it will pass! I was a certified train wreck the first few days after quitting. I quickly realized that I hadn't just fallen asleep in decades but rather drank til I passed out. Another poster explained that alcohol had made their life "very small" and that's a great way to put it. I couldn't figure out what to do. When I would turn out the lights to go to sleep I'd have panic attacks. ME! I'd never had a panic attack in my entire 40-some years up til that point.

The good news is that after the first few days or maybe couple weeks you will adjust an awful lot. It gets vastly easier. I won't say there are no challenges but it's immensely easier once you get a month or two under your belt.

zlhzlh

I think today is day 40, i have been extremely lucky with great sleep almost immediately after i stopped, just yesterday and last night has been hard. Today is a new day. Thank you, i think its a case of pulling my big girl pants up and getting on with it !

RedAndy

Hi Zlhzlh - I'm a few days in front of you on Day 50 tomorrow and can relate to how you've been feeling, definitely been a bit of a roller coaster over the past 7 weeks, some days feeling great and a few slumps here and there and at those points thinking that the sparkle has gone, learning to realise that I need to ride it out when those feelings that are sometimes pretty overwhelming show their face, it does pass.

My wife like your husband is also extremely supportive and commendable to say the least considering the way I have treated her and some of my actions over the years, I owe her so much and is my focus to give her what she truly deserves, for me that is only ever going to be achievable without drink and drugs.

Whilst at times I wish she could understand a little more when I'm feeling frustrated with the point I'm at I am so grateful that she is as I have always called it - a straight head, it's definitely making this so much easier to get through,

The fact that the one person you / I really need to be supportive is the one closest to us is something to be cherished and grateful for - as long as they are there do the others truly matter - for so long I put those friendships on a pedestal as they were the ones who put up with and understood the drunken / out of control me, I just resented the wife for trying to control what I did,, always telling me I'd had enough/ time to go home / what am I doing / time to come home / where have I been - couldn't see that it was just the fact she cared and was worried.

We'll definitely get our sparkle back long term and full time without the booze / drugs controlling us of that I'm sure.

mecanix

Dealing with feelings, both up's and down's soberly is tough .

I googled some things about dealing with anger as when i was driving i was finding people very irritable in their selfish ways.

Sometimes downers would come along but they passed quicker with sobriety , the longer i went on the more i was able to deal with them quickly and recover to an even keel .

Remember that gratitude is your friend and is a powerful tool in making the day seem brighter , also taking some time out to remember all the bad things that drinking caused you .
learning to corral my thoughts, focus on being thankful and being aware of the horror of me drinking and the bad things that happened helped take the edge off .

Keep on

m

Berrybean

Yep. 100% what Ruby said.

It will pass. I liked what Sourbaby's sponsor told her: "...The goal of recovery is not to make the bad feelings 'go away'. It's to learn to handle them. So the bad feelings will get better. You might not always feel peachy. But you will be okay anyway."

At the beginning I'd get a craving, which was uncomfortable. Bit what made the craving more like 'unbearable' was my REACTION to the craving. Almost a phobic reaction - like someone who'se scared of spiders noticing one on their shoulder. The panic and anxiety that I couldn't just reach for my old quick-fix. And of course my AV just loved that as it gave it a lot of play with. "You'll NEVER get better." "See, you need alcohol to be you!" "If you want to feel better you need a drink." etc etc etc. Same old BS. Once I learned to breathe through the craving; accept it for what it was. Almost show a detached / scientific interest in how long it would last and identifying exactly how it was making me feeling, then there was less anxiety attack, and my horrible little AV had less to play with.

The cravings themselves also get less and less (as long as we don't cave in and take a drink). Starve the beast!!

And how lovely of your husband. He sounds like a keeper

Well done for riding it out. And that sparkle will come back as you learn to feel more comfortable in sobriety. Don't worry. x

Yogapants

zlhzlh, I know exactly how you are feeling! The first three months of sobriety, I suffered from the same AV "attacks". It does get better, I promise. Just get through the next month or so, one day at a time. You are almost there!

For me, I saw a marked difference after 3 months. I am now almost 5 months in and feeling infinitely better.

SereneEdition

zlhzlh -

Hats off to you for sticking to the path. Each one we get through, the disease has less and less active hold on us.

Raw, amplified emotions are more common in early sobriety, but the to go away. Drinking causes chemical changes in our brain and when we remove the alcohol it can take a while for our system to normalize. In the meantime, it is good to have a plan for what to do when you start to feel off balance. If you start to recognize the signs on the onset and work the plan, the episodes can be less intense - at least that worked for me.

Maybe you need some sleep after being awake all night?

Soberwolf

Early sobriety is a roller coaster of emotions good & bad day aplenty the most important aspect of early sobriety which has already been wisely mentioned is 'feelings will pass' its normal to be experiencing these feelings

Keep on keeping on & know you have us here 24/7

Things like journalling, exercise, meetings (there is choice between secular & non secular)

Rootin for you

JohnQPublic

I completely feel you. I have been there many times and its normal. You are doing great just hold on a day or just an hour at a time and you can do it. It does get easier but it gets harder first. If it didn't then it would be easy and no problem. Keep coming back and getting support here. Sending strength and hope to you.

zlhzlh

Thank you everbody, you have all helped me! I have been outside all day in the beautiful wet english countryside and am now exhausted, but no longer anxious.
My sane sensible husband is such a keeper, and has been with me throughout this for a long time, today is a new day and i think tonight i will sleep. Tomorrow will be day 41 of sobreity.