Advice for a Bartender
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 97
Advice for a Bartender
Hi Everyone.
I'm currently on my 6 th day. Had a good run of 30 days that ended over Christmas. I working on my plan and I'm finally posting and just joined the January class. I'm feeling good about my decsion to stay sober.
The biggest problem I am facing is that I'm a bartender. This is how I have earned my living for the past decade and has definitely contributed to my problem. I cannot just quit my job and I know I need to find another ASAP. I did my 30 days standing behind a bar and have 2 shifts since recommiting, but talk about a trigger. I have been setting my timer on my phone to count down my shift and stayed logged on to SR.
I'm just looking for advice from people who have been in my shoes...
I'm currently on my 6 th day. Had a good run of 30 days that ended over Christmas. I working on my plan and I'm finally posting and just joined the January class. I'm feeling good about my decsion to stay sober.
The biggest problem I am facing is that I'm a bartender. This is how I have earned my living for the past decade and has definitely contributed to my problem. I cannot just quit my job and I know I need to find another ASAP. I did my 30 days standing behind a bar and have 2 shifts since recommiting, but talk about a trigger. I have been setting my timer on my phone to count down my shift and stayed logged on to SR.
I'm just looking for advice from people who have been in my shoes...
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Illi good on you searching for new employment I can imagine on day 6 its extra tough but by coming here each day will boost your sobriety & its 24/7 so that's excellent
Good job signing up to the support class of January which is overseen by D he's a great guy and really wise compassionate & kind
In the meantime if you are to stay in this employment until you find something new just remember your acceptance its the same as mine
In this together welcome & nice to meet you
Good job signing up to the support class of January which is overseen by D he's a great guy and really wise compassionate & kind
In the meantime if you are to stay in this employment until you find something new just remember your acceptance its the same as mine
In this together welcome & nice to meet you
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Illi!! 
If you stayed Sober for 30 Days, that shows it can be done, it's what happened at Xmas to escalate things? is what your plan needs to address!!
Until you find a new job, it's gonna be tough, but not undoable, on my drive home from work still there is the same liquor store that I used to stop at every day, it hasn't gone anywhere, it's still there each and every day, that was what my plan had to overcome, but it can be done!!
You can do this!!
If you stayed Sober for 30 Days, that shows it can be done, it's what happened at Xmas to escalate things? is what your plan needs to address!!
Until you find a new job, it's gonna be tough, but not undoable, on my drive home from work still there is the same liquor store that I used to stop at every day, it hasn't gone anywhere, it's still there each and every day, that was what my plan had to overcome, but it can be done!!
You can do this!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome illi - it's so good to have you with us. It helps to know we can share thoughts with those who understand.
I was working in a hotel when I quit. It definitely was challenging to be around liquor. However, our bartender was 7 yrs. sober. I agree that we can rise above the temptation, but being in the early days of recovery, you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. I hope you can find another position soon. Meanwhile, be proud of yourself for making this important and life-changing decision. We're with you.
I was working in a hotel when I quit. It definitely was challenging to be around liquor. However, our bartender was 7 yrs. sober. I agree that we can rise above the temptation, but being in the early days of recovery, you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. I hope you can find another position soon. Meanwhile, be proud of yourself for making this important and life-changing decision. We're with you.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I'd been working as a bartender at a popular spot in NYC for a few years when I first got sober in 1983. I was going to AA meetings every day, often more than once. I quickly got a sponsor, and I was well-connected and committed to the program. My life had quickly turned into a living hell at the time, and I was terrified to continue drinking.
My sponsor told me that I needed to be working, and that I had him and the program to stay sane and sober. I was fortunate to not experience cravings early on, and I spent the majority of my surplus time at meetings and with my sponsor, often on the phone, but just as often in person. He had a terrible story; he'd suffered for most of his life. He had me working very hard to stay sober, and he was very compassionate. I'm sure that in today's environment, many people would walk away from him due to "hurt feelings." The only thing I was interested in at the time was getting sober, and staying that way. Without getting into details, I learned a great deal about living a sober life with his help, and I stayed sober for twenty five years before a three-year relapse.
Due to a flexible schedule, I was able to work and go to school after my first three years of sobriety (also recommended by my sponsor, which gave me the courage to do so), and I built a fulfilling career. I made new friends, and had a couple of long-term relationships. I continued to work as a bartender for seven years. I was never tempted because of my job though, over time, I found myself angry when the regulars would show up, and I had periods during which I found it extremely difficult to engage with people who were drinking.
My sponsor recommended that, if possible, I find a way not to serve people who I knew from meetings, since I was "unaware of what they were capable of" when they were drinking. When people came in who knew me from the rooms, they usually made a 180 at the door when they saw me behind the bar. Some of these folks came in and ordered ginger ale or other soft drinks, and tortured themselves while sitting at the bar, apparently waiting for someone to connect with or just to talk to.
I can and could talk to just about anyone, so I focused more on other people more than what was going on with me...at least at work. I worked my way through sobriety with all the temptation in the world. But if you want to drink in NYC, there are hundreds of places to drink or to get booze.
In retrospect, I had no reservations about ever drinking again, and I never went into work thinking, "This might be the night." As was usual at that time, I was offered drinks (I could drink for free, all night long, if I wanted to), weed, cocaine and other things, and I always and effortlessly refused until people got the message. I liked the talk about "one day at a time" in meetings, but I was much more in tune with the idea that "you never have to drink again." My drinking was always very bad, and more so towards the end. I couldn't function without drinking, and between binges (which time was brief, and in each instance, rare), I was falling apart all over the place, until even drinking no longer "worked" for me.
I spent four more years tending bar while I was in school, and it became a job I went to in order to support my lifestyle as a grad student, and nothing more. I quickly picked up lucrative work in my field, and then never looked back.
This is not, (I hope), a prescription for you or anyone else. If you're going into this with little or no support -- and by that I mean, not having access to daily, face-to-face support, then I think that you're taking an unnecessary and potentially destructive risk. Too many ways to go off the rails, including women who want to "meet for a drink" when your shift is done, or people who just want to "hang out."
When all was said and done, it was a life that I walked away from with a great deal of relief. The money was great, I could work as often or as little as I needed to, I was young and single in NYC, and I met some fascinating people, but none of that was even remotely enough to make it a career.
Start your "Plan B" now. If you can ease out of your job by finding a part-time job and cutting down on your shifts, this may help to bear what may be an initial financial burden. Most of all, get and use the help you need. Nothing else seems to work.
My sponsor told me that I needed to be working, and that I had him and the program to stay sane and sober. I was fortunate to not experience cravings early on, and I spent the majority of my surplus time at meetings and with my sponsor, often on the phone, but just as often in person. He had a terrible story; he'd suffered for most of his life. He had me working very hard to stay sober, and he was very compassionate. I'm sure that in today's environment, many people would walk away from him due to "hurt feelings." The only thing I was interested in at the time was getting sober, and staying that way. Without getting into details, I learned a great deal about living a sober life with his help, and I stayed sober for twenty five years before a three-year relapse.
Due to a flexible schedule, I was able to work and go to school after my first three years of sobriety (also recommended by my sponsor, which gave me the courage to do so), and I built a fulfilling career. I made new friends, and had a couple of long-term relationships. I continued to work as a bartender for seven years. I was never tempted because of my job though, over time, I found myself angry when the regulars would show up, and I had periods during which I found it extremely difficult to engage with people who were drinking.
My sponsor recommended that, if possible, I find a way not to serve people who I knew from meetings, since I was "unaware of what they were capable of" when they were drinking. When people came in who knew me from the rooms, they usually made a 180 at the door when they saw me behind the bar. Some of these folks came in and ordered ginger ale or other soft drinks, and tortured themselves while sitting at the bar, apparently waiting for someone to connect with or just to talk to.
I can and could talk to just about anyone, so I focused more on other people more than what was going on with me...at least at work. I worked my way through sobriety with all the temptation in the world. But if you want to drink in NYC, there are hundreds of places to drink or to get booze.
In retrospect, I had no reservations about ever drinking again, and I never went into work thinking, "This might be the night." As was usual at that time, I was offered drinks (I could drink for free, all night long, if I wanted to), weed, cocaine and other things, and I always and effortlessly refused until people got the message. I liked the talk about "one day at a time" in meetings, but I was much more in tune with the idea that "you never have to drink again." My drinking was always very bad, and more so towards the end. I couldn't function without drinking, and between binges (which time was brief, and in each instance, rare), I was falling apart all over the place, until even drinking no longer "worked" for me.
I spent four more years tending bar while I was in school, and it became a job I went to in order to support my lifestyle as a grad student, and nothing more. I quickly picked up lucrative work in my field, and then never looked back.
This is not, (I hope), a prescription for you or anyone else. If you're going into this with little or no support -- and by that I mean, not having access to daily, face-to-face support, then I think that you're taking an unnecessary and potentially destructive risk. Too many ways to go off the rails, including women who want to "meet for a drink" when your shift is done, or people who just want to "hang out."
When all was said and done, it was a life that I walked away from with a great deal of relief. The money was great, I could work as often or as little as I needed to, I was young and single in NYC, and I met some fascinating people, but none of that was even remotely enough to make it a career.
Start your "Plan B" now. If you can ease out of your job by finding a part-time job and cutting down on your shifts, this may help to bear what may be an initial financial burden. Most of all, get and use the help you need. Nothing else seems to work.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
all good points ..
but I still think it's good to be mindful and have a lot of forethought in the early days about what we do, and who we do it with, in those days before we attain 'Jedi status' in our recovery
D
but I still think it's good to be mindful and have a lot of forethought in the early days about what we do, and who we do it with, in those days before we attain 'Jedi status' in our recovery
D
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I also started training in martial arts, ShorinRyu Karate, a few months after I put down the drink. It's a traditional style that pushes you to and beyond your perceived limits of pain and achievement. And it was painful, and very hard work. We would meditate both before and after class. Through my brief process of getting sober at that time, I understood and accepted that my training was a process, and that I'd put myself through worse pain during my drinking years. And I was tired of failing in life.
I eventually made my way to second-degree black belt before my sensei/teacher retired. I found a serious and accomplished sensei in Shotokan Karate about a-year-and-a-half ago, and have been promoted quickly due to my prior experience. In both my prior and current experience, it helps to keep me focused and disciplined. The workouts have significant emotional carryover, and the process itself provides me with a deeper and broader appreciation for my place in the world and for the suffering of other people who cannot protect themselves, both physically and emotionally.
I never doubted that I could not get sober on my own. I used everything available, both in my long-term sobriety (AA, my sponsor, reaching out to other people and therapy) and my current sobriety (inpatient detox, inpatient rehab, outpatient alcohol treatment and counseling, AA and therapy.) I understand that other people have thrived without such intensive treatment, but I'm also convinced, also in retrospect, that I would not have lived what for me has been and continues to be a fascinating and meaningful life without the people who've helped me along the way. Some of whom probably aren't even aware that they helped to the extent they have.
I'm a strong believer that the very act of asking for help can be a transformative experience.
I eventually made my way to second-degree black belt before my sensei/teacher retired. I found a serious and accomplished sensei in Shotokan Karate about a-year-and-a-half ago, and have been promoted quickly due to my prior experience. In both my prior and current experience, it helps to keep me focused and disciplined. The workouts have significant emotional carryover, and the process itself provides me with a deeper and broader appreciation for my place in the world and for the suffering of other people who cannot protect themselves, both physically and emotionally.
I never doubted that I could not get sober on my own. I used everything available, both in my long-term sobriety (AA, my sponsor, reaching out to other people and therapy) and my current sobriety (inpatient detox, inpatient rehab, outpatient alcohol treatment and counseling, AA and therapy.) I understand that other people have thrived without such intensive treatment, but I'm also convinced, also in retrospect, that I would not have lived what for me has been and continues to be a fascinating and meaningful life without the people who've helped me along the way. Some of whom probably aren't even aware that they helped to the extent they have.
I'm a strong believer that the very act of asking for help can be a transformative experience.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 97
Thank you all for the support!! EndgameNY thank you for sharing your story. I feel better knowing there are people out there like me that made it. It's funny now how lonely a place a bar seems to me now. A lot of people hiding from a lot of things, especially themselves. I'm in a better place and working hard on my sobriety. It just doesn't work for me to be around people who are drinking right now. I know there will always be situations where there's going to be alcohol, but I don't need to be the one pouring it.
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