Branches

My husband has smoked pot off and on (mostly on) since he was a 15/16. He's now in his early 50s. Thruoughout that time he has always held a job, made respectable money in sales, paid his bills on time - not the stereotypical aging hippie stoner. In the last few years his pot smoking has aggravated his asthma. So we go through a cycle of smoke, oh, I'm quitting and getting healthy, oh, it's three months later and I'm smoking again. I believe in the ten years we have been married the longest he's been clean of pot is about four months, and the longest he hasn't had any alcohol is a couple of years.

So for 12 days he has had neither alcohol or pot (that I know of, and I'm not snooping around) . But there are times I almost feel like rolling him a big fatty myself because he is soooo moody, irritable, cranky, self-absorbed, anxious, fussy - (like if a man got PMS.) And I'm wondering if any of y'all have gone through a)pot withdrawal yourselves or b) lived with a spouse/partner who has and I have a question. How did you cope? At times it's like living with a three-year-old. I have a feeling that now that the pot has worn off that underneath I'm living with a grown man with the emotional maturity of a 15-year-old boy. I've gone through this with him at least seven times, and it's not getting any easier. Of course, then I wasn't working on MY codepedence issues then. I'm trying to take care of me, not respond to stupidity but instead "say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean."

Any former pot smokers out there, does this stage pass? Or do pot smokers have to "grow up" all over again emotionally? Call me selfish but I'd like to run away about now. Thanks for listening.

totfit

Just curious about how much he drank. I guess pot has some mental withdrawal for some folks. I would think stopping anything at all, even an activity would have some "mental adjustment". Alcohol however does have specific physical things that last for a little and then some mental afterwards. It may be just that he has to get used to being straight again after being stoned a lot. Could also be that his personality has never suited you, but like him better stoned. Of course, I think there is still a 15 yo boy inside a lot of men (likely including myself). Aren't we all just complex animals? Sorry, I likely have not helped, but did give me some food for thought. I do wish you and your spouse well. Really, only time will tell you whether it is some form of withdrawal or just personality. If he has had periods of not smoking or drinking before, you have likely seen a difference or not and that will tell you something.

ladyscribbler

My mom used to get downright nasty during her pot withdrawals. I totally understand. I know that a lot of people have the idea that pot isn't addictive, but it's like anything else. It just grabs ahold of a certain percentage of the population. They're wired that way or whatever. People get addicted to food after all. Some people can have a drink and stop. Others drown themselves in alcohol and it still isn't enough.
Back then I didn't really have any way of coping with it except to get literal distance from her. That helped, but it didn't get to the root of my codependency issues. I kept on bringing addicts and alcoholics and generally dysfunctional people into my life because that was what I felt comfortable with.
Now I have my Alanon program. Not just meetings, but friends and service work. I am healing and I am happy.

Branches

Thanks, Totfit. When he drank, he'd try to limit it to two glasses because he knew I hated him drunk (the Jekyll/Hyde thing). By his own admission he will say that before me he used to get drunk a lot and smoked a ton of weed. Probably the real issue is that we are both in recovery. I decided to quit drinking when he said he would so we'd have a dry house. I drank two to three glasses of wine five or six nights a week to deal with the loneliness of my marriage. So let's say we're both early in sobriety and maybe we're just like two tigers in a cage, keeping to our separate corners, because nobody's feeling all lovey right now. It's been two weeks today. I definitely am thinking more clearly and feeling better physically. However, I'm also doing some heavy reading on codependence and realizing some hard truths about myself and stupid things I've done, like get re-married to another alcoholic three months after my first marriage ended. But I digress . . . Thanks for listening, and if anyone else has some tips about managing your own sobriety while living with someone who's dry but not "in recovery", I'd love to hear them. Yes, I am attending Alanon.

Edge2007

Pot withdrawal can make someone moody and miserable. Personally, many years ago I was a daily, after work smoker. I didn't drink so to relax I smoked pot. Finally though I had enough of relying on a chemical to enjoy myself and cut it out.

It took me a few months before I could enjoy things without being high. I was moody and frustrated. I had to learn how to have fun again.

Now I avoid the stuff like the plague because I never want to fall into that trap again. I love being able to laugh and have fun at the little things too much. I felt so much more free after I stopped and got past the brain re-adjustment period.

zoso77

Where does it say you're obligated to go through it with him again?

biminiblue

12 days.

Jus' sayin. It really takes months to emotionally regulate after withdrawing alcohol and/or psychoactive drugs.