Wisconsin

As I've mentioned before, DS spends Tuesday nights with STBXAH. Because STBXAH leaves for work so early, and because I live about 2 miles away, we have established a practice of me coming to STBXAH's house on Wednesday mornings. DS is often still asleep. STBXAH leaves for work, and then when DS gets up, I get him ready for school and drop him off at before school care before I go to work. The arrangement has been working fine.

I think I've also mentioned that since I moved out, unsurprisingly the state of STBXAH's place has deteriorated significantly. One of the issues is that you never know where the laundry is, what is clean, etc. DS's clean clothes are never folded in his dresser. There may be clean clothes in STBXAH's bedroom, in the basement laundry area, or anywhere in between. This morning I was on the hunt for clean clothes for DS to wear to day care, and I had to go into STBXAH's room to look for some.

Blech. Beer cans--full and empty. Junk like a calendar of scantily clad women. I could not care less what he chooses to do with his spare time at this point, but I really don't want to be in a position where I have to go in that room again.

From now on, I am bringing a complete set of clothes for DS when I go over there on Wednesday mornings. That way, I only have to be in the kitchen and the living room. It sounds like a dumb, insignificant thing, but I will gladly make that effort so I don't have to scour the house for clothes anymore. I'm certainly not going to waste my time waiting for STBXAH to get his act together.

AnvilheadII

should the child really even BE there then, considering the unkempt state, general pigsty, beers everywhere and girlie pics?????? that poor kid.........

Wisconsin

Aw Anvil, it does not even remotely approach child endangerment. Plenty of people have messy houses and keep copies of stuff like Maxim magazine laying around. It's not how I choose to live, but it's certainly not a dealbreaker in terms of parenting time. He has every right to see his son, and no judge in the world would restrict that right based on things being the house being unkempt or the presence of a calendar where the women are scantily clad.

That said, I AM mindful of the general state of things, and am keeping an eye out for signs that things are deteriorating further. I have worked really, really hard to not go all control freak over the whole thing. I don't think DS is at any kind of risk there, because it's messier than it was when I lived there. But I'm very aware it could get worse as STBXAH's disease gets worse.

Hawkeye13

If child endangerment was linked to messy houses,
I'd be arrested for having any kids within a five-mile radius

I agree though, that his house is a barometer of sorts to his alcoholism,
and in that sense keeping tabs is good.

Isn't it great you don't have to clean up after his azz anymore Wisconsin?

hopeful4

I have learned to tell my girls the same type of things when they go to their dads. Basically, not to expect their to be anything they need, it's to the point they take their own towels. Sad but true.

I think this is a good boundary Wisconsin. Keep up your good work!