Feeling lost, alone and quite frankly scared...
Sobriety is an adventure.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 55
Feeling lost, alone and quite frankly scared...
I guess I should start from the beginning...
But even as I write this I'm drinking beers alone in my living room at 1am, my beautiful long term girlfriend is upstairs asleep in bed and all I can think of is (not joining her, but) the fact I only have three beers left in the fridge. I've recently lost my job through poor attendance due to being hungover and sleeping through my alarms, and it's honestly taken something as huge as me losing my job and risking being unable to pay my half of the household bills to make me realize something desperately has to change. I've lied to cover up my habit, and hiding sober shakes/sweating/racing pulse is becoming increasingly difficult.
My drinking started when I was 19. I was a happy college student and was happy to drink socially, without feeling like it was ever something I would ever have to worry about. I'm only 27 now but I would say I've been drinking heavily for around 7 years now. I guess I'm naive in the sense that I feel like my 27 year old body can handle all the alcohol, but the truth is I'm hammering my body with alcohol every day without fail and its killing me, I know it is. It's true what they say, it creeps up on you. I've considered/tried to quit many times. Even as I write this my chest feels warm, if I've not started drinking by the early evening I start to sweat profusely and my heart beats really heavily. My day to day is either spent in a drunken haze where nothing matters, or sober and swimming in sweat thinking if I quit I may die. I've managed to keep my drinking from family and friends for the most part, and my girlfriend is pretty much non the wiser but I fear that if I quit she is going to realize something is wrong. She deserves my full attention and I'm so so blessed to have her, I need help.
I have a university degree and I'm told on a daily basis I'm a very talented musician. I hope some day to start my own business and inspire people musically just as I found inspiration as a youngster, teaching music and sharing what I know. But I just know that every day that passes, alcohol is chipping away at my motivation and constantly adding bricks to the wall that is standing between me and making that dream a reality.
I found out about this website through other forums etc and how the massive support network here as helped people quit. Its taken a lot for me to admit this and join here, but I'm really hoping you guys can help me move forward positively.
I need help, and as much of it as I can get. I'm falling apart and it's only a matter of time before the pieces can no longer be put back together
Thank you all for your time,
Daniel
But even as I write this I'm drinking beers alone in my living room at 1am, my beautiful long term girlfriend is upstairs asleep in bed and all I can think of is (not joining her, but) the fact I only have three beers left in the fridge. I've recently lost my job through poor attendance due to being hungover and sleeping through my alarms, and it's honestly taken something as huge as me losing my job and risking being unable to pay my half of the household bills to make me realize something desperately has to change. I've lied to cover up my habit, and hiding sober shakes/sweating/racing pulse is becoming increasingly difficult.
My drinking started when I was 19. I was a happy college student and was happy to drink socially, without feeling like it was ever something I would ever have to worry about. I'm only 27 now but I would say I've been drinking heavily for around 7 years now. I guess I'm naive in the sense that I feel like my 27 year old body can handle all the alcohol, but the truth is I'm hammering my body with alcohol every day without fail and its killing me, I know it is. It's true what they say, it creeps up on you. I've considered/tried to quit many times. Even as I write this my chest feels warm, if I've not started drinking by the early evening I start to sweat profusely and my heart beats really heavily. My day to day is either spent in a drunken haze where nothing matters, or sober and swimming in sweat thinking if I quit I may die. I've managed to keep my drinking from family and friends for the most part, and my girlfriend is pretty much non the wiser but I fear that if I quit she is going to realize something is wrong. She deserves my full attention and I'm so so blessed to have her, I need help.
I have a university degree and I'm told on a daily basis I'm a very talented musician. I hope some day to start my own business and inspire people musically just as I found inspiration as a youngster, teaching music and sharing what I know. But I just know that every day that passes, alcohol is chipping away at my motivation and constantly adding bricks to the wall that is standing between me and making that dream a reality.
I found out about this website through other forums etc and how the massive support network here as helped people quit. Its taken a lot for me to admit this and join here, but I'm really hoping you guys can help me move forward positively.
I need help, and as much of it as I can get. I'm falling apart and it's only a matter of time before the pieces can no longer be put back together
Thank you all for your time,
Daniel
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Hi Daniel-
Welcome to SR. This is a great place to be to get support you need. Have you ever quit for more then a day or so? It sounds like you're having withdrawals and you'll need to get through the physical part first. Do you have somebody who can be there with you?
I'm onky 50 days sober so I can't really give you the direction you need right now, but my first step was SR and then I went to an AA meeting.
Somebody with more experience will be on and will point you in the right direction so please keep checking back!
Welcome to SR. This is a great place to be to get support you need. Have you ever quit for more then a day or so? It sounds like you're having withdrawals and you'll need to get through the physical part first. Do you have somebody who can be there with you?
I'm onky 50 days sober so I can't really give you the direction you need right now, but my first step was SR and then I went to an AA meeting.
Somebody with more experience will be on and will point you in the right direction so please keep checking back!
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Welcome Daniel!
This is an awesome and supportive community and I'm glad you've found us! With the support of SR I was able to quit drinking a year ago and I've never regretted it! You truly are among friends here!
This is an awesome and supportive community and I'm glad you've found us! With the support of SR I was able to quit drinking a year ago and I've never regretted it! You truly are among friends here!
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Daniel,
I don't have a lot of experience being sober, but I have a lot of experience with that thought that quitting will kill you and continuing to drink will do the same. I've tried a lot of things, but the most recent and maybe best thing I did was to go to the doctor and fess up. She was very understanding and prescribed medication that truly helps. It's only been 5 days, but each day I feel better than the one before. I did start tapering before I went, so that I was at half my usual consumption and that probably helped as well. Though it made for some uncomfortable days in the meantime, it wasn't unbearable.
I think if you tell your girlfriend that you have a problem AND you have made plans for addressing it, she will most likely be supportive. She may know more than you think she does. But of course, that's up to you.
Hope this helps some.
I don't have a lot of experience being sober, but I have a lot of experience with that thought that quitting will kill you and continuing to drink will do the same. I've tried a lot of things, but the most recent and maybe best thing I did was to go to the doctor and fess up. She was very understanding and prescribed medication that truly helps. It's only been 5 days, but each day I feel better than the one before. I did start tapering before I went, so that I was at half my usual consumption and that probably helped as well. Though it made for some uncomfortable days in the meantime, it wasn't unbearable.
I think if you tell your girlfriend that you have a problem AND you have made plans for addressing it, she will most likely be supportive. She may know more than you think she does. But of course, that's up to you.
Hope this helps some.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
Welcome to the family. 
We want to see you succeed. There is a ton of support here, so take advantage of it. Read and post often. I come here daily and credit this site for my sobriety.
I'm glad you joined us.
We want to see you succeed. There is a ton of support here, so take advantage of it. Read and post often. I come here daily and credit this site for my sobriety. I'm glad you joined us.
Sobriety is an adventure.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 55
Thank you again for those who have commented just now. I plan on telling my girlfriend and I hope our love is strong enough that she will understand. I know with her help (as I live with her and she is my day to day) that she can help me push through this.
My biggest fear is the withdrawal. The only reason is any time I have tried to quit, at night I experience a racing pulse with I struggle to ignore and sleep. I can deal with the shakes and the sweating, but its the racing heartbeat that scares me. Is this something that will go away after a few days if I push forward?
Daniel x
My biggest fear is the withdrawal. The only reason is any time I have tried to quit, at night I experience a racing pulse with I struggle to ignore and sleep. I can deal with the shakes and the sweating, but its the racing heartbeat that scares me. Is this something that will go away after a few days if I push forward?
Daniel x
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
That's what the medication is for. Is there a reason you don't want to see a doctor?
(I didn't, because of pride and shame and I dunno, maybe fear of being judged? But honestly, I was so relieved once I got there I couldn't believe what my fuss was all about. Booze messes your brain and body up, so it just makes sense that medical intervention would be helpful.)
(I didn't, because of pride and shame and I dunno, maybe fear of being judged? But honestly, I was so relieved once I got there I couldn't believe what my fuss was all about. Booze messes your brain and body up, so it just makes sense that medical intervention would be helpful.)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Hi Daniel, welcome! Please be very, very careful. Is a medically supervised detox possible? Please do not detox alone, especially since you already experience withdrawls by a certain time if you don't drink. A visit to your Dr would be a great place to start. I agree with talking honestly to your girlfriend.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Welcome NewJourneyStart. Great place and good people here. I'm glad you are going to talk with your girlfriend; honesty is key. Many have gone through withdrawal taking a short time off from work for the first few days. Some people have chosen to do this process with the advice and help of their doctor. The withdrawal from alcohol or any other drug is typically the exact opposite of what the alcohol/drug does....so alcohol slows everything down in our body/mind.....so the alcohol withdrawal often makes us feel anxious and makes the heart race. If you become super concerned, always contact a doctor. Coming here may also help calm you down as you realize how many of us identify and have gone through this. Going to an AA meeting is also helpful for those that need the face-to-face support. Many on here do a blend of a variety of different recovery methods. You will find your groove over time as far as what works best for you.
Dump the alcohol....drink water. Get some nutritious food in to your system. This will help nourish your body of all the vitamins it has lost because of alcohol.
You can do this. We believe in you
Dump the alcohol....drink water. Get some nutritious food in to your system. This will help nourish your body of all the vitamins it has lost because of alcohol.
You can do this. We believe in you
Sobriety is an adventure.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 55
A medically supervised detox is something I have definitely considered. I've just heard stories of people that have been drinking heavily for 30 plus years that have managed to get sober without it, that I thought maybe as I've only been drinking heavily for around 7 years and I'm still young I could do it on my own without medical bills etc. It's not a pride thing, I've swallowed that a long time ago.
I've accepted that I'm powerless to alcohol. I'm hoping that if I admit everything to my girlfriend she will help me through it and be there if things start to go wrong.
I've accepted that I'm powerless to alcohol. I'm hoping that if I admit everything to my girlfriend she will help me through it and be there if things start to go wrong.
Sobriety is an adventure.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 55
Thank you everyone, I feel so blessed to have all of you that don't even know me already offering your support and giving me reason to push through. It honestly feels great, and for that I will be forever in your debt
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Hi Daniel,
Real changes won't happen until you quit drinking - and it sounds like you are ready for some positive change and karma in life. So maybe you can focus on getting sober in the most responsible way. I'd advise you speak to someone about medical detox. I drank heavily and experienced plenty of night sweats, etc, even when I was drinking...but when I went cold turkey I had some serious medical issues that required hospitalization. I was just 36 when that happened and thought I could handle it. Everyone's different, that's why we usually recommend you speak with a doc if you're concerned!
It's kind of a catch-22 though: you are ready to quit, and yet sometimes this last hoop you have to jump through just seems too much. Many just say "f@#* this" and keep on drinking. It's certainly doesn't seem fair that we have to do all this work just to get sober, and the work after getting sober is hard too. But if you think about it, it's a fair deal. You want a better life? You need to make some commitments to sobriety. Even Steven. Hope you make that call and welcome aboard man!
Real changes won't happen until you quit drinking - and it sounds like you are ready for some positive change and karma in life. So maybe you can focus on getting sober in the most responsible way. I'd advise you speak to someone about medical detox. I drank heavily and experienced plenty of night sweats, etc, even when I was drinking...but when I went cold turkey I had some serious medical issues that required hospitalization. I was just 36 when that happened and thought I could handle it. Everyone's different, that's why we usually recommend you speak with a doc if you're concerned!
It's kind of a catch-22 though: you are ready to quit, and yet sometimes this last hoop you have to jump through just seems too much. Many just say "f@#* this" and keep on drinking. It's certainly doesn't seem fair that we have to do all this work just to get sober, and the work after getting sober is hard too. But if you think about it, it's a fair deal. You want a better life? You need to make some commitments to sobriety. Even Steven. Hope you make that call and welcome aboard man!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
NJS-
Everybody is different so all detox's are. I drank on average of 4 times a week, for about 10 years ( a lot each day and increasing) so I was probably in a constant state of detox and didn't know it. When I quit I didn't have physical withdrawals like others have reported because I functioned that way all the time. I did get a rapid heart beat, but it was more anxiety then anything. If you chose not to talk with your doctor please be sure somebody is around just in case you do have a tough time.
You might want to join one of the monthly classes as well. The January class should be starting up soon and will be full of people who are quitting drinking and going through the same thing, and the person who runs the class will share links for recovery plans and valuable experience with you. We are here for you!!!
Everybody is different so all detox's are. I drank on average of 4 times a week, for about 10 years ( a lot each day and increasing) so I was probably in a constant state of detox and didn't know it. When I quit I didn't have physical withdrawals like others have reported because I functioned that way all the time. I did get a rapid heart beat, but it was more anxiety then anything. If you chose not to talk with your doctor please be sure somebody is around just in case you do have a tough time.
You might want to join one of the monthly classes as well. The January class should be starting up soon and will be full of people who are quitting drinking and going through the same thing, and the person who runs the class will share links for recovery plans and valuable experience with you. We are here for you!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by NewJourneyStart 
The only reason is any time I have tried to quit, at night I experience a racing pulse with I struggle to ignore and sleep.
Not to ignore medical attention if that is what you might need. I have never had experienced that level of withdrawal, even at my highest level of intake, but we are all different.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,506
Daniel - I'm so glad you're here.
You never have to feel alone - you're among friends who care and understand. It's wonderful that you're still in your 20's & realizing what needs to happen. I'd give anything to go back and heed the warnings that I had. I knew I was never a normal drinker - but insisted I could moderate. Now that you realize it's not possible to control the amounts you drink, you can get free. A beautiful life is waiting for you.
You never have to feel alone - you're among friends who care and understand. It's wonderful that you're still in your 20's & realizing what needs to happen. I'd give anything to go back and heed the warnings that I had. I knew I was never a normal drinker - but insisted I could moderate. Now that you realize it's not possible to control the amounts you drink, you can get free. A beautiful life is waiting for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 316
My drinking history is very similar to yours. After about 2 years of attempts I finally was able to quit by having an action plan and sticking to it. The first month was really just white knuckleing to get through the cravings. I did whatever I could think of to keep myself distracted and away from booze. My drink of choice was beer and I remember that feeling of dread you mentioned when there were only a few left in the fridge.
Anyway, for me, I quit cold turkey at home. The heart palpitations and anxiety attacks slowed down after about a week and we're significantly better after a month. I finally felt really calm and "normal" by three months. I also had night sweats and sleep issues that dissipated around three months. Is this the best way to go? Probably not. Am I feeling infinitely better at close to 6 months sober? You bet I am!
You can do this. It will take time but it is so worth it! Remember this feeling right now... the hopeless/powerless /worthlessness. You/I never have to feel that way again! I remember how I felt on day 1 when I have urges to drink. If you get really concerned about your symptoms then seek medical help. Best wishes and keep us posted.
Anyway, for me, I quit cold turkey at home. The heart palpitations and anxiety attacks slowed down after about a week and we're significantly better after a month. I finally felt really calm and "normal" by three months. I also had night sweats and sleep issues that dissipated around three months. Is this the best way to go? Probably not. Am I feeling infinitely better at close to 6 months sober? You bet I am!
You can do this. It will take time but it is so worth it! Remember this feeling right now... the hopeless/powerless /worthlessness. You/I never have to feel that way again! I remember how I felt on day 1 when I have urges to drink. If you get really concerned about your symptoms then seek medical help. Best wishes and keep us posted.
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