Shame and Guilt plaguing my mind
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 7
Shame and Guilt plaguing my mind
So this past Christmas I intended to spend quality time with my family and boyfriend.
I recently moved out of state to start a new life and escape my troubles from my past. I met someone at work, someone sweet and kind. He has had my best interest at heart from the beginning. I tried to keep my drinking a secret but he soon found out how severe it was.
I invited him to travel to my home state to spend Christmas with my family. I was already wasted when he arrived to pick me up. We departed for the almost 3 hour drive to where we would spend our Christmas. To his dismay I continued to drink along the way. I was not driving but I was putting him at risk with open containers in the car.
When we arrived at my family home I was to the point of no return. My entire family expected this but were still disappointed. I made a fool of myself.
My little sister, needed a ride home so I asked my boyfriend if he would drive her as I was drunk. He agreed so the three of us left. An argument occurred between me and my sister as she was disgusted by my behavior. I then turned my rage to my boyfriend as the argument escalated. I ended up assaulting my boyfriend as he was driving. We safely made it to drop my sister off and she informed me that I was no longer her sister.
My boyfriend and I eventually left and the assault continued. He immediately stopped the car and left with my keys. I had no idea where he went. He was not familiar with the area so I didn't know what to think.
After that I was able to get a ride home and he returned safely a short time later.
When I woke up the next day I wanted to believe it was all a nightmare. I was disgusted with myself and I desperately wanted to fix what relationship I had left. I am not a violent person nor am I an angry person. I care deeply for my boyfriend and he has forgiven me. I have to admit I don't feel worthy of his forgiveness. My family told me to get help and to quit drinking. I swore to myself I never would again. Drinking has ruined my life.
My boyfriends parents probably hate me and I don't know how to gain their trust back.
Myself and my boyfriend work together and I'm pretty sure our co workers know about it. The guilt and shame is agonizing. I feel like my world is falling a part
Idk what to do anymore..
I recently moved out of state to start a new life and escape my troubles from my past. I met someone at work, someone sweet and kind. He has had my best interest at heart from the beginning. I tried to keep my drinking a secret but he soon found out how severe it was.
I invited him to travel to my home state to spend Christmas with my family. I was already wasted when he arrived to pick me up. We departed for the almost 3 hour drive to where we would spend our Christmas. To his dismay I continued to drink along the way. I was not driving but I was putting him at risk with open containers in the car.
When we arrived at my family home I was to the point of no return. My entire family expected this but were still disappointed. I made a fool of myself.
My little sister, needed a ride home so I asked my boyfriend if he would drive her as I was drunk. He agreed so the three of us left. An argument occurred between me and my sister as she was disgusted by my behavior. I then turned my rage to my boyfriend as the argument escalated. I ended up assaulting my boyfriend as he was driving. We safely made it to drop my sister off and she informed me that I was no longer her sister.
My boyfriend and I eventually left and the assault continued. He immediately stopped the car and left with my keys. I had no idea where he went. He was not familiar with the area so I didn't know what to think.
After that I was able to get a ride home and he returned safely a short time later.
When I woke up the next day I wanted to believe it was all a nightmare. I was disgusted with myself and I desperately wanted to fix what relationship I had left. I am not a violent person nor am I an angry person. I care deeply for my boyfriend and he has forgiven me. I have to admit I don't feel worthy of his forgiveness. My family told me to get help and to quit drinking. I swore to myself I never would again. Drinking has ruined my life.
My boyfriends parents probably hate me and I don't know how to gain their trust back.
Myself and my boyfriend work together and I'm pretty sure our co workers know about it. The guilt and shame is agonizing. I feel like my world is falling a part
Idk what to do anymore..
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Welcome haydayolive 
coming here is a good start I was sure what to do eaither but this commuinity convinced me I had to stop drinking if I wanted a different ending to my story
I know you'll find support and understanding here too - focus on you for now - fences can be mended later
D
coming here is a good start
I was sure what to do eaither but this commuinity convinced me I had to stop drinking if I wanted a different ending to my story I know you'll find support and understanding here too - focus on you for now - fences can be mended later
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to the family. Guilt is doing something wrong. Shame is feeling worthless because of it. Guilt can be useful. Shame cannot. 
The longer you stay sober, the better you'll become. Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again. You can do this.
Guilt is doing something wrong. Shame is feeling worthless because of it. Guilt can be useful. Shame cannot. 
The longer you stay sober, the better you'll become. Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again. You can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 7
Thank you for your support. I have tried to stay sober in the past and I have relapsed many times. Just when things seem to be going my way, I always find a way to sabotage my own happiness. I hope this unfortunate experience was the wake up call I needed to realize that my loved ones deserve better from me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by least 
Welcome to the family. Guilt is doing something wrong. Shame is feeling worthless because of it. Guilt can be useful. Shame cannot.
The longer you stay sober, the better you'll become. Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again. You can do this.
Guilt is doing something wrong. Shame is feeling worthless because of it. Guilt can be useful. Shame cannot. The longer you stay sober, the better you'll become. Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,540
For a moment there I thought you had changed your name to mine by deed poll. The similarities would be a common thread between many of the women on this site, I bet. The guilt, the shame, cannot meet the other's gaze. Me only 9 days sober and have no illusions about having much to offer outside of clocking onto the "open 24 hours commitment" option each day. I find it makes me feel safe. Mindfulness?
Guilt is not a bad thing so long as it has us change. Learning from mistakes but not to remain in the guilt because then it becomes destructive, and then we drink. Shame, horrible not to meet the other's gaze. I'm trying to con myself that it's just a really huge blush. With only 9 days up I am now beginning to meet the other's gaze. It's great. And I now know that the grog will kill me. Hand's up and surrender. We're outgunned.
Guilt is not a bad thing so long as it has us change. Learning from mistakes but not to remain in the guilt because then it becomes destructive, and then we drink. Shame, horrible not to meet the other's gaze. I'm trying to con myself that it's just a really huge blush. With only 9 days up I am now beginning to meet the other's gaze. It's great. And I now know that the grog will kill me. Hand's up and surrender. We're outgunned.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
The guilt may plague your mind for a reason.
Shame seems to go even deeper... Plaguing your heart and soul...
The guilt can bring about change; change that should bri ng peace...
Shame seems to stick around longer .. and .. Well .. Plague us... Even for years ...
Shame seems to go even deeper... Plaguing your heart and soul...
The guilt can bring about change; change that should bri ng peace...
Shame seems to stick around longer .. and .. Well .. Plague us... Even for years ...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
It's good to remember the wreckage of our past.
Yes, painful but good for us.
Sometimes I think of the extra damage
that I would add if still drinking.
I never wish to go there again.
Mountainman
Yes, painful but good for us.
Sometimes I think of the extra damage
that I would add if still drinking.
I never wish to go there again.
Mountainman
smile
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Having regrets after behaving regrettably is sensible.
Wallowing in shame is your addiction's way of asserting control over your life.
Stop taking the long dive into that bottomless bucket of **** and start taking action to fix your life.
You can do this!
Wallowing in shame is your addiction's way of asserting control over your life.
Stop taking the long dive into that bottomless bucket of **** and start taking action to fix your life.
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Im sorry this happened, u must feel dreadful. But now is the time to change.
The most productive move I made was coming clean with close family & friends about the severity & secret part of the drinking.
I felt alot of relief when I did this. I've only been sober since oct, so by no means am i experienced. This site has helped no end & this is the longest ive been without a drink. I find some days hard & others easy, im trying to take each day as it comes & keep myself busy but not to the point of being stressed!!!
Welcome & good luck!
The most productive move I made was coming clean with close family & friends about the severity & secret part of the drinking.
I felt alot of relief when I did this. I've only been sober since oct, so by no means am i experienced. This site has helped no end & this is the longest ive been without a drink. I find some days hard & others easy, im trying to take each day as it comes & keep myself busy but not to the point of being stressed!!!
Welcome & good luck!
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