hockeychica

I am determined to be successful at sobriety. I found this forum in July and stayed sober for 7 days. I then had myself convinced that I could handle moderate/occasional drinking. What a joke that was!

I am sick and tired of felling like this. I feel my life slipping away from me every day that I continue to drink.

Here is to another attempt at day 1. I didn't suffer terrible withdrawal symptoms last time, but I am still worried this time. I work in the medical field and I know the stigma that many of my fellow co-workers feel towards alcoholics. Because of this, I am reluctant to talk to my doctor about my detox. I plan on attending meetings this time and hope I can be successful.
Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

hockeychica

lonlion

You can do it hockeychica! It always amazes me how the disease is so insidious. It's like it has a life of its own, and will always put these little thoughts into our head, like, "you can drink just a little, you aren't really an alcoholic" etc

It has taken many clean addicts and alcoholics back to using. I know thats what happened to me. I relapsed after 10 months clean time, and I kept telling myself I can handle this, I will be more cautious now because of all I have learned through treatment. It won't get the better of me this time blah blah blah
Guess what? It got the better of me again, and true to the stories I have heard about relapse, I was right back where I left off again. I actually thought I was different. Funny
Back on track now, and have learned a valuable lesson because of my relapse
Keep coming back

hockeychica

thank you both for your kind words. I feel so hopeless right now. I plan on going to a meeting tonight, but I am afraid. I don't know why. Maybe it's that whole stigma thing. It doesn't matter anyway. I need to do this for me. I have been so depressed and angry with myself over this disease. I feel like such a failure. Do the feelings of despiration every go away?

Thanks,
Kim

Anna

Yes, absolutely, the desperation does go away. I'm Anna, recovering alcoholic and I know how you feel. It seems like a huge task to stop drinking, but you can do it. I beat up myself too for a long time over letting myself fall into the clutches of alcoholism. There really is no point in that. This is where we are and this is what we have to deal with. Actually, I see many good things coming out of this disease in my life. I have begun to like myself for the first time. I feel close emotionally and spiritually to people for the first time - there are no superficial relationships in my life anymore. I'm not driven to accomplish things and most of all I've learned that I don't have ultimate control over my life.

Be kind to yourself and keep posting.

Love, Anna