sourbaby1986

Hi everyone.

I just got back home after the holidays and I got into a major argument with my boyfriend. Basically I'm annoyed that I feel like I'm making a lot of compromises in our relationship and he isn't (I actually do believe this is factual but won't get into it here).

I sounded like my mother and it disgusted me but it's like I was in a loop.

On one hand I feel like he just doesn't get it - like he isn't smart enough...he just isn't a thinker, you know? Like how an alcoholic will think and think and think....he doesn't think about like, anything. But he is a good hearted, warm, happy, positive and kind individual who had made some bad decisions that came with consequences that I don't want to deal with.

Anyway it's my behavior that sickens me. Like I treated him with no respect and it's not infrequent that this happens.

I guess I wonder: are "we" just incompatible with normies? I feel like they aren't as deep, I can't connect with them at that real, deeply profound level. The guys I typically feel that connection with tend to be "bad for me" but the chemistry is unreal. So I dunno - do I have to give up that insane attraction for something more, well, normal?

Thanks )

Dee74

I think you might be being a little hard on your bf, SB....at least with the understanding part.

He doesn't need to understand your alcoholism - sure it would be nice if he did, but it's not his responsibility to deal with or understand your condition, it's yours.

I always try and resist generalisations.

I've met plenty of normies who were plenty deep...and a more than a few alcoholics who confused being self absorbed with depth or profundity...

Alcoholic, addict or not, I reckon we're all a big ol' mess of good and not so good

D

suicideseason

I get what your saying. Im pretty sure normal people dont like me, so I get where your coming from. Its okie.

InTheEnd

Try to be kind to yourself. The fact you see this in yourself, means you can work on it if it bothers you. Try to talk about things with him, BEFORE it gets to be too much to handle mentally/emotionally.

A little over 4 months for me sober, and I'm a thinker/analyzer, maybe a better word is obsessor?? Though my outbursts and attacks at others are getting less and less.....I can still fall back into that alcoholic pattern of emotional abuse when I get angry. I can get mean!!!! I'm catching it faster now, and most times am able to turn it around and discuss like a "normie' would, but sometimes, not fast enough to my liking yet. Also, I tend to hold things in till I blow, which never ends pretty. I'm finally learning to talk about things before it gets to the point of explosion.

But she's still there...that nasty, angry alchie inside of me. Sobriety is calming her down, softening her up and hopefully one day, my drunk mind and my sober mind will become one (or at least start working together).

My advice? Apologize for your behavior, try to discuss reasonably again since you feel it is an issue, and realize most men don't "think" like us (sorry guys!) normies or not!

Soberwolf

This