Depressed on my birthday
Radar
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 199
Depressed on my birthday
Hi everyone. I haven't been here for awhile because I took a 2nd job to get out of debt and have been working everyday. This is my first weekend off in awhile. My A is even drinking before work now so I know it's just a matter of time before something expensive happens. Either he'll get a DUI or get fired from his job. Maybe both... who knows. I'm trying to get the credit cards paid off faster so if or when something does happen, I won't get into financial trouble.
My bithday is today. I'm 50 and having a little trouble dealing with it. Not the age part but the what the hell am I doing at age 50 still farting around with an Alcoholic???? I thought I would have my act together more at this age. Also, I spoke with my parents last night and my father is going blind and my mother thought it was my sisters birthday. Pretty depressing.
I told my husband months ago that I wanted a day at the spa for my b-day. A massage and facial would have been great. I told him a couple of weeks ago and told him again this week. I told him I didn't want another dust catcher, a knicknack.... guess what he got me? A dustcatcher knicknack that I don't even really like. He puts more effort into fantasy football than he does this marriage. He plans and prepares for football like he's going to war but his excuse for not getting me the day at the spa is, "He didn't know how to get that kind of present!!!!!" Now he's acting all depressed and sad so I will feel sorry for him and forgive him.
He has to work tonight and he has already started drinking. I can't talk to him about it because he says he's ok and he isn't drinking enough to impair his ability to do his job. He drives around to different facilities and makes sure the security guards are doing their jobs. What a joke. He wouldn't even be capable of doing his job if something bad happened. I just hope that if he gets a DUI, he hasn't killed or hurt someone.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
Happy birthday, Cadence57!!! Us Virgos are strong people so we'll both get through this!
My bithday is today. I'm 50 and having a little trouble dealing with it. Not the age part but the what the hell am I doing at age 50 still farting around with an Alcoholic???? I thought I would have my act together more at this age. Also, I spoke with my parents last night and my father is going blind and my mother thought it was my sisters birthday. Pretty depressing.
I told my husband months ago that I wanted a day at the spa for my b-day. A massage and facial would have been great. I told him a couple of weeks ago and told him again this week. I told him I didn't want another dust catcher, a knicknack.... guess what he got me? A dustcatcher knicknack that I don't even really like. He puts more effort into fantasy football than he does this marriage. He plans and prepares for football like he's going to war but his excuse for not getting me the day at the spa is, "He didn't know how to get that kind of present!!!!!" Now he's acting all depressed and sad so I will feel sorry for him and forgive him.
He has to work tonight and he has already started drinking. I can't talk to him about it because he says he's ok and he isn't drinking enough to impair his ability to do his job. He drives around to different facilities and makes sure the security guards are doing their jobs. What a joke. He wouldn't even be capable of doing his job if something bad happened. I just hope that if he gets a DUI, he hasn't killed or hurt someone.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
Happy birthday, Cadence57!!! Us Virgos are strong people so we'll both get through this!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Happy Birthday Karivan!!!!
I'm sorry he didn't listen to you, but you know what? I'd give MYSELF a great birthday present and book that day at the spa!!!
You deserve something special, and a day at the spa sounds like heaven...so just do it and enjoy every pamper.
<---Spa Present
I'm sorry he didn't listen to you, but you know what? I'd give MYSELF a great birthday present and book that day at the spa!!!
You deserve something special, and a day at the spa sounds like heaven...so just do it and enjoy every pamper.
<---Spa Present
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Happy Birthday Karivan!
Big birthday hugs to you.
I'm sorry that you're feeling sad on your birthday.
I know what it's like to feel like you're last on someone's list.
The only way this gets any better is when we start being good to ourselves.
You can always depend on you, you know?
Sending you some light and love and cyber birthday cake.
More hugs,
Gabe
Big birthday hugs to you.
I'm sorry that you're feeling sad on your birthday.
I know what it's like to feel like you're last on someone's list.
The only way this gets any better is when we start being good to ourselves.
You can always depend on you, you know?
Sending you some light and love and cyber birthday cake.
More hugs,
Gabe
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Happy Birthday Karivan!!! Ok, so what are you going to do today? You still have half a day left to celebrate. How about taking yourself to a nice dinner or calling a friend to see a movie? It's not too late for a manicure and/or a pedicure. Don't let your husband ruin this day. Decide what will make it a nice day and do it! If you want that day at the spa, make an appt. tomorrow! That was my present to myself for my 30th b-day and I had a great time!
I know you're feeling down now, but the day can get better - it's all up to you!
Hugs and birthday wishes,
JG
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Alberta
Posts: 38
Happy Birthday, Karivan!
This is still your day, make the best of it! My ex A/B used to do wonderful things for me until the novelty of everyday life got boring for him. Now, I look out for number 1 - ME! If you can't get out to have something done for yourself today, run yourself a nice bubble bath, light some candles and put on some nice music and eat chocolate! Treat yourself!
I'm a Virgo as well! Have a great day and year!
This is still your day, make the best of it! My ex A/B used to do wonderful things for me until the novelty of everyday life got boring for him. Now, I look out for number 1 - ME! If you can't get out to have something done for yourself today, run yourself a nice bubble bath, light some candles and put on some nice music and eat chocolate! Treat yourself!
I'm a Virgo as well! Have a great day and year!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: London
Posts: 14
Happy Birthday Karivan
Happy Birthday!!!!
Sorry to hear that you are feeling down. I know the feeling all too well!!! But you can still cheer yourself up - go out and let your hair down. Treat yourself. I ruined so many of my families birthdays through my drinking. Tell your husband (and yourself) that "Drink turns people into assholes - and I'm not being around one today thank you very much. Bye." And go and do whatever you want!!
Hugs
Mick
Sorry to hear that you are feeling down. I know the feeling all too well!!! But you can still cheer yourself up - go out and let your hair down. Treat yourself. I ruined so many of my families birthdays through my drinking. Tell your husband (and yourself) that "Drink turns people into assholes - and I'm not being around one today thank you very much. Bye." And go and do whatever you want!!
Hugs
Mick
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Still wondering
Posts: 9
Happy Birthday a bit late, You are working 2 jobs, BUY Yourself a day at the spa, you deserve it, treat yourself, and stop saving all your hard earned money for you AH hubby, As far as your gift, well at least you got one, think of it that way. I had many depressing birthdays because the money was always gone, and even though I reminded my AH and DA he never did get me a gift, and I would have been happy with anything he picked, even if it was from a dollar store, the fact that I meant enough to him to go and get something would have been enough, But you really should treat yourself to the spa, One year my kids pitched in and gave me a gift certificate, it was W O N D E R F U L L !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just wish they would do it evey year... ha ha 
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 780
Hey Happy Birthday!!
Go and get that facial and massage...it'll make you feel so good!
Happy 50th, how cool. I am right behind you...fifty in November.
Hope your day was great, and please get thee to the spa and enjoy for yourself!
Ooo the soothing sounds and wonderful aromatherapy...ahh
You deserve every minute of it.
Bless you and Sept 12 1954 was a great day--you were born
Wolfstarr
Go and get that facial and massage...it'll make you feel so good!
Happy 50th, how cool. I am right behind you...fifty in November.
Hope your day was great, and please get thee to the spa and enjoy for yourself!
Ooo the soothing sounds and wonderful aromatherapy...ahh
You deserve every minute of it.
Bless you and Sept 12 1954 was a great day--you were born
Wolfstarr
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
I don't wait for presents anymore. I am on the top of no one's list but mine, so I treat me now. Go get that spa treatment! You deserve it. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Javatown
Posts: 92
Hello! Happy Early Birthday for next September!
Did you end up taking yourself to the spa for? I hope you did something nice in the end.
For my own birthday in April, I feel silly 'expecting' others to do anything for me. I usually choose a different person each year and give them a special gift for MY birthday -it's fun to do. (Sometimes I buy a gift, or I surprise clean someone else's house, take 1 or more out to dinner on me etc.)
About the man not knowing how to give the spa package, I am convinced that some men have the special genetics that they honestly have no clue when it comes to gift giving, even if they are given repeated hints.
Keep the updates a-coming!
~Red
Did you end up taking yourself to the spa for? I hope you did something nice in the end.
For my own birthday in April, I feel silly 'expecting' others to do anything for me. I usually choose a different person each year and give them a special gift for MY birthday -it's fun to do. (Sometimes I buy a gift, or I surprise clean someone else's house, take 1 or more out to dinner on me etc.)
About the man not knowing how to give the spa package, I am convinced that some men have the special genetics that they honestly have no clue when it comes to gift giving, even if they are given repeated hints.
Keep the updates a-coming!
~Red
Guest
Posts: n/a
Every Holiday was very depressing to me.........ever since I moved out of my parents house.......and I am going to be 40 this year........I was raised that birthdays and holiday were big deals.............all of them.......everyone of them................
I was treated very special on my Birthday......... and when I moved out and got married........everything I learned I took with me.........including holidays.........
my first husband could care less about birthdays and holidays..........it was more stress and more depressing hinting to him for two months prior to the day.............that it wasnt worth it........
My second husband tries for Christmas........but the rest of them........he dont care either......I use to think the bigger deal I made out of it........would make him realize how important it was to me and he would change..........He didnt even get me a card this year.............as usual I was disappointed..........I dont know why I do that to myslef every holiday........I hint, I build up.....I get excited that just maybe this year will be different......and there not..........I have to face my reality and my reality is if I want something for my birthday........or whatever, I have to go get it myself........and that can be more fun.......I always get what I want and I never have to worry about exchanging it..........or hurting the other persons feelings cause I dont like it........ and I enjoy giving as much as I enjoy getting.........I just give and get myself..........
Happy belated b-day.......
I was treated very special on my Birthday......... and when I moved out and got married........everything I learned I took with me.........including holidays.........
my first husband could care less about birthdays and holidays..........it was more stress and more depressing hinting to him for two months prior to the day.............that it wasnt worth it........
My second husband tries for Christmas........but the rest of them........he dont care either......I use to think the bigger deal I made out of it........would make him realize how important it was to me and he would change..........He didnt even get me a card this year.............as usual I was disappointed..........I dont know why I do that to myslef every holiday........I hint, I build up.....I get excited that just maybe this year will be different......and there not..........I have to face my reality and my reality is if I want something for my birthday........or whatever, I have to go get it myself........and that can be more fun.......I always get what I want and I never have to worry about exchanging it..........or hurting the other persons feelings cause I dont like it........ and I enjoy giving as much as I enjoy getting.........I just give and get myself..........
Happy belated b-day.......
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Happy Belated Birthday Karivan!!! I agree with the crowd, get yourself that day at the spa or at least one treatment!!! On my birthday this year I went out after work and bought myself a new purse!!! Happy Birthday Me!!! If I shop for myself I always get what I want. I had to get over the "he should have" stuff and just take action myself. It felt so good. About turning 50 and still struggling with the "A" - hey no one gets it all figgured out before they go to the next world. We are all on a path and it doesn't matter when we get there. If you are moving forward, then you have reason to celebrate! Hang in there, I understand the 50's are great!
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