back2thegoodME

for boyfriend to drink 17 beers, then a bottle of wine, then a couple craft beers in one night to where I go check on him at 4am and he is completely wasted, bleeding from a fall he had, bloodshot eyes and belligerent. then yelling at me, calling me names because i was upset about the state he was in. In the morning I am told not to be mad since it was the weekend, he is home, safe, watching tv, not hurting anyone, or bothering anyone and had a bad day at work. I dont want this type of weekend with my guy. And I have been trying to get sober myself. I think I have to leave him when our lease it up.

AnvilheadII

what do YOU think? is it acceptable behavior to YOU? weekend or not?

SparkleKitty

Well, HE seems to be ok with it. But it is perfectly valid for you to not want to have that in your life. It is a much better game plan to work on changing yourself and your circumstances than to hope or or wait for someone else to change.

Certainly you do not deserve to be yelled at or called names by anyone EVER, much less the person you are in a relationship with. That is hurtful and bothersome, and you deserve better.

jjj111

Good God, that's a massive amount of alcohol. But it doesn't matter what he or any of us think about whether it's acceptable--if it makes you uncomfortable, you have a right to remove yourself from the situation.

Liveitwell

Wait a minute-are you dating my ex????
Kidding. Kind of in all seriousness, he seems fine with his chosen lifestyle. If you are not , nobody's telling you to stay-you have a choice of what's acceptable in your life. Choose you! And btw, rock on for choosing sobriety.

FeelingGreat

Apparently 'not hurting anyone' doesn't include you. It's not a relationship that's going to be very fulfilling, and that's the best that can be said. The fact that he's abusing you is the more serious part.
Follow your instincts on this.

redatlanta

Its sounds like an ok (great) weekend for an alcoholic, plus he didn't end up in the hospital. Bonus.

For a normal person, its a living nightmare.

Hawkeye13

I wouldn't live with it.
His life is his own, and he gets to live it how he pleases same as you.
So I guess I'd be moving when the lease is up or earlier
since the only person I can and have a right to control is me.

gleefan

Your bf's drinking doesn't sound "normal", if that's what you're asking.

I stopped drinking 22 months ago and I applaud your decision to stop. My husband, who had been my drinking buddy our entire life together, didn't stop. Being around his drinking was difficult for me - and my sobriety annoyed him. Ultimately I had to decide that sobriety was right for me, and take measures to ensure I stayed sober. For me that was posting on the one year and under forum on SR, going to AA, working on issues with codependency, and working the 12 steps with a sponsor.

I hope that helps and that you find peace in your sobriety!!

Berrybean

What's the point of stopping your own drinking ruining your life and then letting someone elses' drinking do the job?

Although saying that my partner still hits it pretty hard at the weekends as well. I just try to accept it as HIS problem and don't bother talking to him while he's drunk and disorderly. I need my energy to focus on my own recovery, and I'm not his keeper. I don't interfere with his drinking. He doesn't interfere with my sobriety. And I make sure that at the weekends I surround myself with sober friends, either at AA meetings or elsewhere. And if he falls asleep on the sofa I don't wake him up. Shhhhhhh.

Not ideal, but then life isn't. I figure, better the devil I know. But then we've been together 25 years now, and he put up with a lot of nonsense from me while I was drinking. If we'd been together for a short amount of time I wouldn't be so accepting though. I'd be offski!!

Yoga

Do you think it's okay?

Hawkeye13

This is pretty much my situation too, except for 20 years instead.

Hawkeye13

This is pretty much my situation too, except for 20 years.
I wish he'd choose sobriety, but he's been loyal and honest, and put up
with a lot of nonsense from me too--

Lilro

I think that's probably a good idea.

Luckily he didn't fall, smack his head and develope a brain hemorrhage ...... Yet.

Do you really want to stick around for that? Think about it.

Liveitwell

Yes-RO-that's exactly what I was thinking. It's a case of the "yets".

velma929

In reading your other posts, this mirrors your own pattern of drinking. You stay sober for days, then drink on the weekends. Maybe having a partner who does the same makes you feel your own pattern is okay?

You mention from time to time you want to stop, but you'd be alone if you did. I have to tell you, this is simply not true. Many people don't drink at all. Many people who DO drink don't drink every weekend, or abstain around their friends who are trying to stay sober.

Jecrois2016

Run girl, run!!! Imagine what your future would be if you accepted that was ok?
You are trying to stay sober- get out of the situation now and don't look back.
Think of yourself and guard your sobriety. You can't fix broken.

Rougelily79

This is EXACTLY how my ABF started back to drinking. Drinking on his day off, because well, he didn't have anywhere to go so he thought it was fine. Then it was after work a few beers. Then a few beers mixed with whiskey, then just whiskey. It is a slippery slope and trust me, once they start drinking like that every weekend it becomes an issue. Weekend or not, drinking so much that you fall and injure yourself, get belligerent and act foolish is NOT acceptable. Drinking a few beers with the buddies and relaxing is totally different. This is the behavior of a binge drinker.