FaithfulAndFree

In trying to understand my relapse I came across this question.... I rarely enjoy my regular days, I don't hate them but I don't enjoy them either. I think that this plays a role in my addiction. The moment I drink I begin to enjoy the moment. It's def not worth the misery later, but that's a part of my usual cycle. I wonder if people who don't struggle with addiction enjoy their days so much that they see the need for a stimulant. And for the ones who are sober for a long time. Was this an issue? If so, how was ur resolved.

DG0409

I think there are several parts to this.

Alcoholics start to become dependent on alcohol and part of this means that when we are drinking our brains are flooded with feel-good chemicals. This screws with our brain chemistry and makes us feel worse when we're not drinking.

We also tend to rely on alcohol for enjoyment and may fail to engage or find other activities and people that we enjoy.

We may also use alcohol to ignore things in our lives that we don't really like. This means those things we don't like (a job, a relationship, etc.) just stay in our lives and we keep having to live like that.

We may also have unrealistic expectations. People without addictions don't necessarily enjoy every day... in fact, I know some darned right miserable addiction-free people! We can't expect every day to be like some fairy tale.

Initially, after quitting drinking, it may take a while for our brains to heal and during this period, it may be hard to enjoy stuff. It won't be like this forever and with a bit of sober time, more stuff becomes enjoyable again. Expect some readjustment time- everything might feel just kind of drab for a while. This ISN'T how it feels to be sober. It is just how early recovery feels and IT GETS BETTER!!!!

It helps me to engage in activities that I enjoy. This may take a bit of experimentation and maybe trying some new things. If we relied on alcohol, we may not know what the heck it even is that we like doing.

I also find that sometimes I feel better when working towards some sort of goal rather than trying to work towards enjoying the day. I'll often feel better about my life after a day spent working than a day spend doing nothing "relaxing".

Being sober also let me start to make some bigger changes in my life- getting out of a relationship that I didn't like and now looking at moving out of the boring little town I live in. These aren't things that happened over night. It's taken being sober for a while and really starting to think about what I want for my life.

You might want to start asking some questions like, Do you like your job? If not, what might you like doing better? Do you like where you live? Do you have friends that you like? Do you have anything you might like to learn or try (a new instrument, learning to ski, gardening, etc.)?

Another thing that really helps me is making a gratitude list each day. Not every day is going to be amazing, but if I look for what is good about the day, I am often surprised at the huge number of positive things in my life.

KiKi0615

Wow! This is great & really helped me!

Hi FaithfulandFree! Come visit us in the November class....we miss you! :-)

KeyofC

It also spoke to me, thank you. (Hug)

bigsombrero

DG said it all! There's nothing more I can add except for...."bingo"!

Greenwood618

Most people are neither overly sentimental nor melancholy. They don't think they are owed enjoyable days, but take them happily when they come. Most people get on with the everyday work of life and are thankful for whatever good comes their way.

Fly N Buy

Amazing post by DG - well stated.

I will simply add that initially small amounts of alcohol can and do (for many people)act to stimulate cells in our brain. The user may become more alert and focused creating the euphoric effect. This is also what draws non alcoholics to drink. Of course many of those folks stop drinking after a couple drinks.

However, in short order after a few drinks this effect is mitigated by the flood of alcohol into the system which quickly permeates bodily organs and the blood/brain barrier. Alcohol begins to effect the central nervous system at that point and depresses our systems acting as a sedative.

As we know, this is a pretty good summary -

"Too much alcohol affects your speech, muscle coordination and vital centers of your brain. A heavy drinking binge may even cause a life-threatening coma or death. This is of particular concern when you're taking certain medications that also depress the brain's function."

All in all, good days or bad I am indeed grateful this chemistry experiment is over for me today!

Thanks for the post - life is life and I've learned if I am undrunk I remain available for all it's possibilities.

Austin4Wyo

Really good stuff here.

How long have you been off the drop? I'm a shade over a year, and life is relatively groovy here. Challenges arise every day, successes and failures, etc et all. Wildly enough, that's called life. With the work on myself over the last year, and an eye toward work still to be done, I'm allowed to participate in my life and the lives of others.

The medical side has been discussed. Once my brain chemistry started evening out, things got brighter, for sure. I was a long time sufferer from Major Depressive Disorder, which predated my drinking. Addressing THAT has made abstinence far easier, and seeing hope in each day is possible now. It's not a stretch to say my drinking and my depression were part and parcel; they fed each other while consuming me. I drank to alter my perception of reality, and I had to address the reasons an illusion of "adjusted reality" was more appealing than the real world.

What, if anything, are you doing to diversify your activities? Filling my time is remarkably improtant for my abstinence and my mental/emotional health. I've added new interests, reconnected with old ones (anyone wanna nerd out about car racing?), and where I would have said "No thanks," when drinking, I now try to say "Sure...why not?"

I think the largest single factor for me has been a paramount and prevailing sense of personal reaponsibility for myself as a WHOLE person. Ultimately, my choices in how I deal with the world will dictate my satisfaction with the world. If something is causing me distress, unease, worry, or anger, the onus of action to address the issue falls on me. That includes when the difficulty stems from the guy in the mirror. If I'm feeling depressive symptoms, will I just let them take over? If I have an urge to drink, will I entertain it? If someone offers me a chance at an activity, will I decline without due consideration?

I find it very helpful to ask myself three questions regularly about how I enjoy my days...

1) What are/were my expectations?
2) Why do I have those expectations?
3) Are/were these expectations a resentment in waiting?

Those questions work at both the macro and micro level. I can apply them to weeks or months, or minutes, hours, and days and have a useful tool for evaluating why I'm not enjoying or feeling satisfied with the world around me.

Hope that helps. Keep us posted.

"I take what I like, I leave the rest, and I mind my own business. That's more than good enough for the cows and me most days."

least

I'm sober six years now but don't always enjoy every day. But sober I can deal with the bad days a lot better than I used to do.

Besides, to me, any day I'm still above ground is a good day.

FaithfulAndFree

Thanks DG. So much good stuff there.