Advice Needed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 2
Advice Needed
HI all, Im 37 & My Mum has drunk all her life, she used to be really good sober but a nightmare drunk. She has hurt me beyond repair.
We have tried to help her but she has become so unmotivated all she wants to do is drink, her house is disgusting, her hygiene is poor, she has lost social skills and is completely ignorant. A month ago I called her and she didn't know who i was she was so drunk, I wiped my hands of her then, I told her I couldn't watch her spend her life at the bottom of a cask of wine.
About three weeks ago her flatmate called to say she had been in bed for 4 days and he had tipped her booze out as she was out of control and hadn't eaten for days . Now she is hospitalised with what they think is Alcoholic Dementia, wearing nappies and needing to be fed, needs a full hoist to be moved she thinks she is 97, she is 65.
I went to the hospital when it happened and absolutely lost it, I couldn't enter her room and I still haven't been to see her. I feel guilty that I haven't but I actually don't think i have the capacity to deal with being her like that. It's a struggle, each day i think ill go today, but I just can't! Ive sorted all her affairs with the bank etc as it looks like she will be going into care but I can't bring myself to see her. Is this normal or am I being selfish? I am her only child and nobody in the family wants anything to do with her so the responsibility is so overwhelming. Im so angry that she has wasted her life, but I feel sorry for her a bit as well.
Sorry about the long post, I just thought someone may have been in this situation. Thanks for reading x
We have tried to help her but she has become so unmotivated all she wants to do is drink, her house is disgusting, her hygiene is poor, she has lost social skills and is completely ignorant. A month ago I called her and she didn't know who i was she was so drunk, I wiped my hands of her then, I told her I couldn't watch her spend her life at the bottom of a cask of wine.
About three weeks ago her flatmate called to say she had been in bed for 4 days and he had tipped her booze out as she was out of control and hadn't eaten for days . Now she is hospitalised with what they think is Alcoholic Dementia, wearing nappies and needing to be fed, needs a full hoist to be moved she thinks she is 97, she is 65.
I went to the hospital when it happened and absolutely lost it, I couldn't enter her room and I still haven't been to see her. I feel guilty that I haven't but I actually don't think i have the capacity to deal with being her like that. It's a struggle, each day i think ill go today, but I just can't! Ive sorted all her affairs with the bank etc as it looks like she will be going into care but I can't bring myself to see her. Is this normal or am I being selfish? I am her only child and nobody in the family wants anything to do with her so the responsibility is so overwhelming. Im so angry that she has wasted her life, but I feel sorry for her a bit as well.
Sorry about the long post, I just thought someone may have been in this situation. Thanks for reading x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Burien WA.
Posts: 2,893
Sad you have to go through that , went through almost the same thing with my father. The whole family wanted nothing to do with him after our mom finally got him out of the house, it took a while but I finally realized someone had to help him and nobody but me was going to do it, helped with what I could but he drank himself to death anyway. Can't tell you what's right or wrong about how you feel but she is your mother, I think you should do what you can for her, you'll feel better for it I think.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
How awful and I'm sorry. Of course I don't fully know you're situation, but from what you describe, I totally understand how you feel.
With that said, when my mother was ill, I was drinking (sorta of a reversed situation) Though she was not an in that state (she had cancer), and the hurt and resentment was towards myself, not her.....I had a very difficult time seeing her that way and did avoid it a lot of times. Again, not the same situation as yours and your hurt and anger may prove too heavy to get passed it.......which is fair.
She is gone now, and the fact I wasn't there for her like I should have been is something I will never, ever forgive myself for. I weighs heavily on my mind everyday.
Yours is a very different situation. You must do whats right for you and protect yourself and your feelings.....but I think if there's a chance that you will feel how I feel? You should go.
I apologize if I'm overstepping....
With that said, when my mother was ill, I was drinking (sorta of a reversed situation) Though she was not an in that state (she had cancer), and the hurt and resentment was towards myself, not her.....I had a very difficult time seeing her that way and did avoid it a lot of times. Again, not the same situation as yours and your hurt and anger may prove too heavy to get passed it.......which is fair.
She is gone now, and the fact I wasn't there for her like I should have been is something I will never, ever forgive myself for. I weighs heavily on my mind everyday.
Yours is a very different situation. You must do whats right for you and protect yourself and your feelings.....but I think if there's a chance that you will feel how I feel? You should go.
I apologize if I'm overstepping....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Welcome! I don't have any advice, but there is a friends and family forum here that might be able to help and give you support as they've been through similar situations with their spouse, children or parents. 
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 874
I haven't been in your shoes. But, I'll give you my thoughts based on other experiences: I don't think you're being selfish - what a burden you must be feeling. There isn't anything you can do or could've done. You couldn't have sobered her up, only she had the ability to do that. When you have had time to process all of this, you might want to go visit. Right now, you need to take care of yourself - she is being looked after. My very best to you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
